Oh, You're a FEMINIST?!

Good Moves, GMA...

2009-11-28T09:10:00.003-05:00

So GMA cancels a performance by a guy for kissing another guy and replaces him with a guy who beats his girl friend? That makes me really sad.

Ink

2009-10-10T22:53:00.005-04:00

I have a guest post up on Female Impersonated on the topic of my tattoos, religion, and politics.

Halloween Costumes

2009-09-24T23:20:00.001-04:00

I'm sure this is a blogging faux pas but i'd really like to resurrect a Halloween post i had up last year. If for no other reason than to give parents, and women, ideas for empowering costumes rather than resorting to the same old (sexist, sexualized, and objectified) standard options.

Halloween, if nothing else, allows children to play dress-up and use their imagination to be anything they want to be. Or in the case of the mainstream costume industry, gives kids the chance to further perpetuate gender roles, reinforce stereotypes, and dress little girls in hyper-sexualized outfits.

I was at a party store last weekend and spotted a wall of "featured costumes." I managed to snap a couple photos with my phone before the salesperson asked me what i was doing. "I am documenting the lack of options for little girls when it comes to Halloween costumes" I responded, "so that i can blog about how this parallels girls' and young women's lack of options in the real world." ("DUH!" i thought sarcastically...) I apologize for the quality of the photos, it was the best i could do with a phone on the fly :)

Of course there ARE options... for example, take page 1 from an online search for girls' Halloween costumes, letters A through H: Aurora, Barbie Anneliese, Barbie Cheerleader, Barbie Rapunzel, Blissful Bride, Bratz Jade, Bratz Sasha, Bratz Staurday Night Style, Cinderella, Devilicious Child, Fanciful Fairy.

Is all the pink making you a bit pukey? Sorry about that...

The store where i snapped the photos of those three costumes had several more options. For example, there were Power Ranger costumes, doctor costumes, and handyman costumes for the boys. For the girls? More of the same. I thought the whole girl = nurse/boy = doctor thing was so last decade?? Guess not. Not to say there is anything wrong with being a nurse, because there isn't. But to lead girls to believe that they don't have the option to be a doctor and boys to believe that they cannot be a nurse is outdated and damaging. The Tycoon costume cracked D and me up the most. I guess the female equivalent to "Tycoon" in Halloween costume talk was the MegaStar?? Because clearly all that girls have to offer is their looks and bodies. The model in the photo on the costume can't possibly be older than 10. No 10 year old should be wearing that much (or LITTLE) pleather... And i doubt many 10 year olds are that developed... So, moral of the story for your 10 year old girl who wants to be "successful" when she grows up? Boys use their brains to make money by becoming Tycoons. Girls use their appearance to make money by wearing very little clothes or by attracting Tycoonish boys.

Obviously it only gets worse as the target audience gets older. Check out the changes in costumes from toddler to girl to tween to teen to adult. The only thing that changes is the amount of fabric that goes in to making the costume. For example, even seemingly empowering costumes, like superwoman (which they call "supergirl") or warrior princes (who then becomes a "Geisha"), become hypersexualized as the target consumer gets a bit (read: no more than a couple of years) older. These attempts at options fall even shorter as girls grow up.

I get it. Some people (read: freshmen college girls who are experiencing their first taste of sexual freedom) see Halloween as an excuse to make any outfit into a sexy costume. Want to be a pirate? Ok! Sexy Pirate it is! Sexy Cat Woman, Sexy Nurse, Sexy Witch, Sexy Bunny, Sexy Schoolgirl, Sexy Anna Rexia (get it? sexy anorexia... riiiiight) and my all time favorite, the Sexy Detective (my freshman year 1st college Halloween party costume...) P.S. You should absolutely click through those links to the photos of those costumes but they are definitely not appropriate for work so careful.

Because i couldn't possibly write about Baby High Heels in any other post than the Halloween ridiculous costumes post, i wanted to include a bit about the new "infant trend..." If the topic of girls' Halloween costumes doesn't bother you enough check out baby high heels (designed for babies 0-6 months)!!!! I can't wait for a friend or family member to have a baby girl so that i can buy these for her!

/sarcasm...

So that we don't end on a negative note, what are some empowering costumes your kids (or kids you know) will be wearing this Halloween?

A Call for a New "Masculinism"...

2009-09-22T18:36:00.003-04:00

Who are these assholes and why do they want us to be more manly? And heterosexual, and anti-porn, and anti-choice, and really really Christian...

Apparently a bunch of ultra-conservative religious politicians got together this past week at a conference in DC. Here is there (literal) agenda. Sarah Palin and Mike Huckabee were there (no surprise...)

One talk on "The New Masculinity" states that, "feminism has wreaked havoc on marriage, women, children and men. It is time to redress the disorder it has wrought and that must start with getting the principles and ideals for a new "masculinism" right. Such a "masculinism" will have its dovetailing counterpart in a new "feminism" for they mutually define each other and, in nature, are meant to be complementary."

Other talks included:

STEM CELLS: FACT V FRICTION
TRUE TOLERANCE: COUNTERING THE HOMOSEXUAL AGENDA IN PUBLIC SCHOOLS
THE THREAT OF ILLEGAL IMMIGRATION
OBAMACARE: RATIONING YOUR LIFE AWAY
MARRIAGE: WHY IT'S WORTH DEFENDING AND HOW REDEFINING IT THREATENS RELIGIOUS LIBERTY (the sanctity of marriage)
GLOBAL WARMING HYSTERIA: THE NEW FACE OF THE "PRO-DEATH" AGENDA
THUGOCRACY - FIGHTING THE VAST LEFT WING CONSPIRACY
DEFUNDING PLANNED PARENTHOOD

Here is a highlight from the conference:

SCHWARTZ: ...Pornography is a blight. It is a disaster. It is, it is one of those silent diseases in our society that we haven’t been able to overcome very well. Now, I may be getting politically incorrect here. But one — It’s been a few years, not that many, since I was closely associated with pre-adolescent boys, boys who are like 10 to 12 years of age. But it is my observation that boys at that age have less tolerance for homosexuality than just about any other class of people. They speak badly about homosexuality. And that’s because they don’t want to be that way. They don’t want to fall into it. And that’s a good instinct. After all, homosexuality, we know, studies have been done by the National Institute of Health to try to prove that its genetic and all those studies have proved its not genetic. Homosexuality is inflicted on people.

I had a very good friend who was in the homosexual lifestyle for a long time and then he had a religious conversion in the eighties. And he bought a old motel and turned it into a hospice for some of his former associates who were dying of AIDS. He helped, he helped almost 300 men die. This man was a real hero. But he knew that he wasn’t as healed as he thought he was. He was able to resist temptation. He was able to resist sin. But he wasn’t healed enough to take on the responsibilities of marriage. And he was a brilliant man in the sense that he knew himself. And he knew his limits. And he and I had good conversations about, about the malady that he suffered. And one of the things that he said to me, that I think is an astonishingly insightful remark. He said, “all pornography is homosexual pornography because all pornography turns your sexual drive inwards. Now think about that. And if you, if you tell an 11-year-old boy about that, do you think he’s going to want to go out and get a copy of Playboy? I’m pretty sure he’ll lose interest. That’s the last thing he wants.” You know, that’s a, that’s a good comment. It’s a good point and it’s a good thing to teach young people.

I haven't been blogging lately because I recently started a graduate program in clinical/community psychology. Right now i'm taking the predominantly core/basic classes necessary for a clinical psych phd, like assessment and research statistics. We've spent the past few weeks focusing on what makes legitimate science and what's empirically valid. With this fresh perspective, all i can say about the above "talk" is that it's such a load of pseudoscience! I really can't stand people who present themselves as authorities on a subject by citing faulty (or in this case untrue/nonexistent research) to gain support: "After all, homosexuality, we know, studies have been done by the National Institute of Health to try to prove that its genetic and all those studies have proved its not genetic. Homosexuality is inflicted on people." This specifically made me so fucking angry. But on an even larger scale, i'm a bit confused. I don't quite understand this guy's "logic." Even if i try really hard to look at his "argument" from his perspective (which is difficult enough), i still don't understand HOW looking at pornography in general can "turn" someone gay?? Where's the supposed relationship between pornography and homosexuality?

My friend Heather sent me the Think Progress article on this conference, and in her email she also wrote, "first they claim that feminism has destroyed family and marriage, then they promote "masculinism" via homophobia!! i really just don't even understand..."

Disgusting Guinness Commercial

2009-09-20T19:41:00.004-04:00

A facebook friend posted this video on his wall. He wrote "best. video. ever" next to the link. I strongly disagreed.

This ad is actually incredibly offensive. I'm all for sexy advertising but there's nothing sexy or appealing about a women being portrayed as a silent beer coasters while three men(?) drink off of her. I think what bothered me most, though was the text: "Share one with a friend"... seriously? That's such blatant objectification. It portrays women as no better than beer, serving the mere purpose of entertaining men as they bond while they fuck us. Eww. The supposed sex here bothers me, too. It's clearly not good sex (based on the woman's only slight movements) and portrays the woman as nothing more than a body for three others to fuck, which is disgusting and not sexually empowering whatsoever.

Sexism is alive and well in this ad. If nothing else we have to admit that advertisements serve to sell more than the product they are promoting. If that wasn't the case, why would they use hot, half naked women to get products noticed? Advertisements also sell concepts of normalcy, and in this case, create a culture where it's not only ok but sexy to objectify women, use them solely for the purpose of male bonding and beer drinking, and "share them" with their friends. Women (people in general) deserve better than this.

I objected to the link. I posted an explanation underneath it to which many people replied that i was being overly liberal, overly sensitive, and unable to take a joke. Then someone compared this commercial to this Calvin Kline ad of David Becham modeling underwear. The guy was clearly misunderstanding the definition of "objectification." The term is used to signify when a person is seen purely to serve a purpose and their attributes and appearance are separated from the rest of their worth to reduce that person to an instrument (or object) solely for the pleasure or use of another person. When men are photographed half naked (as in that ad) men aren't objectified in the same way women are everyday due to the social context. We live in a country where women are second class citizens and commercials like the Guinness one only serve to perpetuate and glamorize that status.

Research just this year found that men are more likely to think of women as objects if they viewed pictures of stereotypically sexy women beforehand. "Researchers used brain scans to show that when straight men looked at pictures of women in bikinis, areas of the brain that normally light up in anticipation of using tools, like spanners and screwdrivers, were activated. Scans of some of the men found that a part of the brain associated with empathy for other peoples' emotions and wishes shut down after looking at the pictures. Susan Fiske, a psychologist at Princeton University in New Jersey, said the changes in brain activity suggest sexy images can shift the way men perceive women, turning them from people to interact with, to objects to act upon."

Must Reads

2009-08-21T16:09:00.006-04:00

Two news articles that you should check out:

Governor Schwarzenegger cuts 100% of the domestic violence budget in California.

The issue of school and education for girls under Taliban rule.

Vulgar Email

2009-08-20T10:12:00.006-04:00

I was waiting for an important email this morning, so when my computer beeped to indicate I had a new message, I naturally got excited. This wasn't the email I was hoping for, however. I opened the message, titled, "your friend recommended this article" (because it isn't abnormal for friends to send me articles to read and write about here). But that's not what it was...

The message read:

Enter her twat like a bull

Smart men prefer this solution for giving girls true satisfaction!

SERIOUSLY?!

There is so so much wrong with that. And I get it, spam emails aren't intended to be works of Jane Austen. But for some reason what bothered me most about this particular message was that "smart men prefer this solution for giving girls true satisfaction." Men really shouldn't be entering girls' "twats" like bulls (or in any other way, either...). Ew.

Platonic Friendship

2009-08-19T09:18:00.005-04:00

Can men and women be (just) friends?

I first began thinking about this question years ago after watching the quirky and timeless classic, When Harry Met Sally. The movie revolves around the idea that men and women can never be just friends because "the sex part always gets in the way." They try to navigate through the conversation by setting obscure rules like they can only be friends if both are in committed relationships because then "the pressure of possible involvement is lifted."

Aside from being a heteronormative question, assuming that all men are attracted to women, it is also a question engrossed in strict gender roles and stereotypes. For these two reasons I hoped this would cease to be debated in 2009, when apparently we live in a post feminist society where men and women are equal and free thinking... (that was snark if you couldn't tell).

Fast forward to today as I engaged in my sleepy morning let's-get-the-day-started routine, pouring coffee and turning on the often trite Good Morning America. In the segment I linked they too discuss this "timeless question" of an impossible platonic friendship between men and women. The segment was an obvious scheme to promote Steve Harvey's new book, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man (which i won't link because of the strict gender roles and stereotypes that even the title doesn't fail to perpetuate). For 'empirical evidence' GMA referenced a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology that found that an opposite sex friendship can end in an affair 15% of the time. (emphasis mine.) What about the other 85% of the time? That sure doesn't seem like enough statistical evidence to back up the claim to me...

The whole "timeless question" leaves me more than prickly. It assumes that men can't think with their appropriate brain and that they are sexually attracted to every woman they meet. It also ascertains that women are 1) naive and 2) not sexually driven. This sort of thinking is damaging for men because it sets men up to be the ultimate perpetrators. They are always on the prowl and are singly sex minded. It promotes the idea that it's always a man's responsibility to get into a woman's pants and it's solely a woman's role to guard her virginity, pureness, sex, whatever.

For women it's a double whammy. Not only are women once again regarded as naive, helpless, and meek, doing whatever they can to protect their one and only precious commodity, but they are determined to not have the same sex drive that their male counterparts posses.

Continuing to think in the heteronormative way in which this question is presented, I think that mature and responsible men and women can absolutely have platonic relationships that don't deteriorate into a let's rip each other's clothes off and make passionate love in the bedroom situation. I think the dynamic between opposite sex friends has to be different, and that your partners have to be involved in the friendship (for example, it shouldn't be a secret friendship because that sets up a sketchy relationship from the beginning). But all in all, i think it is entirely possible for heterosexual men and women to have close friends of the opposite sex.

Readers, what do you think?

(cross-posted at feministing community where there is some discussion going on in the comments sections)

The Latest for Afghan Women

2009-08-14T15:01:00.007-04:00

Afghanistan passes 'barbaric' law diminishing women's rights: "Rehashed legislation allows husbands to deny wives food if they fail to obey sexual demands."

A new law was recently passed in Afghanistan that allows Shia men to deny their wives food if their wives refuse their husbands' sexual demands. Another element of this new legislation grants full guardianship of children to their father exclusively.

Human Rights Watch noted that these laws contradict Afghanistan's constitution and called on leaders to repeal the new legislation.

Worried about being a sweaty bride??

2009-07-16T11:08:00.004-04:00

I was taking a hiatus from blogging, but then i got this in an email from TheKnot and couldn't resist writing about it:

Subject: Worried about sweating excessively on your wedding day?

"BOTOX® is approved by the FDA as a treatment for excessive underarm sweating when antiperspirants fail. There are enough things to worry about on your wedding day! Sweat stains on your wedding dress should not be one of them!"

REALLY!? So TheKnot recommends brides to inject a toxin into their bodies so that they do not sweat on their wedding day? God forbid...

More Racially Charged Police Brutality?

2009-06-16T10:24:00.005-04:00

An ambulance being driven by a black EMT "failed to yield" to two white police officers. Why does the skin color of the men involved matter? Because after you watch this video, you might agree that this "confrontation" (as the news gingerly calls it) may have been racially motivated.

The cop grabbed the EMT driver by the throat... how is that appropriate? The EMT driver calmly discusses that he is transporting a patient to the hospital... the trooper doesn't seem to care much about anything but punishing the EMT driver.

Here is the clip i saw this morning on the news:

In light of all the racially motivated police brutality recently, this one shouldn't go unmentioned.

June 15th is "National Man Day"

2009-06-15T10:13:00.005-04:00

Apparently today is "National Man Day" according to two Indiana brothers. The Longanecker boys declared June 15th to be a day for men to "stand up and do manly things" and reclaim their masculinity. The brothers are spreading their message using facebook that encourages men to participate in "manly things" today. What are these "many things" you may ask? Well according to these boys manly activities include:

being left alone by your woman (no chores, no telling you to be home by dinner time, no helping with the kids, and no "honey do" lists!)
sitting in your favorite chair and scratching yourself
shooting stuff or blowing something up
eating steak
shooting animals
punching someone in the face

(sic)

From their facebook group:

On June 15th, men across the nation will unite in one cause and one voice saying, 'I am man!'On that day, men across the nation will blow things up, they'll shoot big guns, they'll punch each other for no reason, they'll pump some iron, or they'll watch every Rambo movie from beginning to end. Straight through. And when asked why we do these things, we'll say 'Because I'm a MAN!' Since when has there been a time when that answer to a question has was unacceptable? Since when has being a man been lame? Since men have let down their guard and become sissies. It's time to take back the crown of masculinity.

It's time for men to be men.What should you do on this day? Be the man God made you to be. Be a good father, drop kick your best friend when he least expects it, dump a whole tank of gasoline on a pile of sticks and ignite it by shooting another can of gas! Be responsible for your actions, go out there invite every man you know, eat an 18 oz steak, get your wife some flowers, punch another guy in the jugular and be a MAN!

Hey at least "be a good father" made the list??

As laughable as all this may seem, there is a serious and growing problem with what young boys are taught about masculinity. Patriarchy, sexism, and "machismo" culture are just as damaging for men and boys as they are for women. For example, boys learn the type of masculinity that the Longanecker brothers are advocating at a young age are are rewarded for being tough, macho, and strong in the physical sense. This also teaches them that being a “real man” is associated with violence, power, and control. The consequences of this are not only great for women (due to increased instances of rape, sexual harassment, domestic violence, and physical abuse) but also for men who are often violent against other men. Men commit the majority of violent acts in this country, towards both women AND men because they are taught early on that they are being "manly" by doing so.

There are many wonderful groups forming that teach the type of masculinity that empowers young men in ways other than through violence. These groups embrace inward evaluation, compassion, bounding, and positive contribution to the community.

Check out these sites for more info and please leave others in comments if you know of more: V-Men, Homeboy Industries, and MAVAW

IntelliGender

2009-06-10T09:13:00.006-04:00

A new over-the-counter product called IntelliGender can possibly predict the sex of an unborn fetus as early as 10 weeks old.

It claims that within 10 minutes of taking the urine test, a woman will be able
to tell her baby's gender. The specimen will turn green if it's a boy, and
orange if it's a girl.

A product like this has serious implications in countries (and families) where one sex is preferred over another. 10 weeks is early enough to terminate the pregnancy, and the thought that this product may aid in abortions based on the sex of a child is more than troublesome. For example, China's preference for male babies is ingrained in both culture and politics. At one point the Chinese government set into place a one-child-only policy as an attempt to target overpopulation which significantly increased the number of female infanticides. The Communist Party took power in 1949 and outlawed this practice. However, in the 1980's the Chinese government census continued to show hundreds of thousands of missing baby girls each year. The practice of female infanticide in China is most prevalent in rural areas where boys are valued for their ability to help with the land and take care of their parents later on in life. Girls, however, traditionally move in with their in-laws and cannot further help their birth family. Baby girls are often "abandoned, suffocated, or drowned soon after birth." Aside from being an inhuman, unethical, and sexist practice, female infanticide effects the Chinese culture in many ways, "in 1997 the London Telegraph quoted ...a Chinese journal... which warned the male-to-female ratio in China has become so unbalanced that there will soon be an 'army of bachelors' in China - an estimated 90 million Chinese men in search of a spouse." Female infanticide is an old practice dating back to 200 B.C. in Greece. It still exists today mostly cited in China and India.

The makers of IntelliGender state they will not be distributing to China and India. Still, products like these terrify me. It makes me feel like we are one step closer to being able to generate our "ideal" child.

At least it turns orange and green rather than pink and blue? Oh for small victories...

Thanks, Joanne, for sending this over and pointing out the "i need it right now" instant world we currently live in.

Friday Feel Good: New Hampshire Legalizes Same-Sex Marriage

2009-06-05T16:18:00.001-04:00

Now New Hampshire can really proclaim the right to "live free or die!"

Friday Feel Good: Gay Penguin Couple Adopt & Hatch Egg

2009-06-05T09:52:00.003-04:00

Via BBC News and Edge:

A pair of male penguins in a German zoo have taken in an egg that was rejected by its biological parents, hatched the egg, and now are rearing the chick, according to a June 3 article carried at BBC News.

Such behavior is not unknown. In many animal species, from fruit flies to birds to primates, same-gender sexual contact and social bonding (including long term pair bonding) have been observed.

In the case of Z and Vielpunkt, two penguins at the zoo in Bremerhaven, the pair had been observed attempting to hatch a stone. When a male-female pair of penguins at the zoo rejected their own egg, keepers gave it to Z and Vielpunkt, who tended and hatched the egg and now, a month after its hatching, continue to care for the chick.

"I was going to ask you what's new, but I think I know"

2009-05-21T18:19:00.005-04:00

Anyone watch American Idol? This is extremely disturbing to me on so, so many levels...

Actually, Yes. That WAS Racist...

2009-05-18T12:02:00.006-04:00

I was eating lunch last week with some of the counselors at the clinic. The Chinese food arrived and they were passing it around to everyone who had ordered. As they passed it to one woman, she exclaimed, "if I eat any more Chinese food this week my eyes are gonna slant!"

I turned to her, astonished, and said, "wow, I haven't heard a racial slur like that in a long time."

"That wasn't racist!" she demanded.

"Actually, Yes. it was. When you mock an already marginalized group of people based on their appearance, that's racist. You stereotyped a population based on physical attributes..." I retorted. She snarled at me and proceeded to eat her egg roll.

This happened last Friday. I came in to work early this week and found a Chinese food menu strategically placed on my office door. Is it a coincidence that someone wanted to share a Chinese food menu with me this week? Maybe. Am i being harassed? Possibly. Would they do this to me if I was noticeably Asian? Probably not.

I don't really understand why it's still acceptable in American culture to mock Asian Americans? Do people not realize the racism here because Asian Americans are the "model minority?" They supposedly have assimilated into American culture better than any other minority group and thus discrimination does not affect them? Or is it because the American stereotype of Asian Americans as "docile" is so prevalent that people think it is acceptable to discriminate a group of people that are "too well mannered" to speak up?

For reference, some truths about Chinese food, Americans, and discrimination all brought to you through a TED talk...

Horse Herstory

2009-05-14T07:43:00.005-04:00

Filly Rachel Alexandra, the first female horse to be entered in the Preakness Stakes, is making history (and a lot of controversy).

Regardless of how you feel about horse races, at least the girls are getting a chance in the sport, and kicking some boy horse butt! ;)

Feminist Label

2009-05-13T11:04:00.006-04:00

Where is there room for me, a white woman who stands firmly for equality and acknowledges the discrimination within feminism, and is committed to pointing out and relinquishing (white, cis, able, hetero, and class) privilege? I want to identify with a feminism willing to embrace all people and challenge preconceived notions of what and who "is" and "isn't" feminist, one focused on celebrating diversity and learning for everyone's experiences. Where do i fit? Because i'm a bit confused these days.

Please read these two posts by Renee prior to responding...
Womanist Musings: I am not a Feminist
Womanist Musings: Can a White Woman be a Womanist?

I agree with commenter "juju" who said "ultimately, the work that you do is much more important than the label you wear, and you should just call yourself whatever works for you and continue doing the work." I understand and agree with focusing on activism but often identity fuels a social movement and propels it forward with greater force. I would hate our progress and activism to slow because we're too busy focusing on what our identity should be.

I wrote about this a bit in my "I'm not a feminist, but" post: George Washington University’s Dr. Zucker (2004) published a study addressing this. Dr. Zucker’s research explored women disavowing social identities and found that in the 272 women surveyed, self-identifying as feminists was a predictor of feminist activism. Herein lies my concern. On one hand, I don’t care if you identity as a feminist or not, as long as you retain feminist beliefs. On the other hand, if self-identifying as a feminist is going to make you more of an activist, then it matters.

Quick Hit: Women Bullying Women at Work

2009-05-11T09:24:00.003-04:00

As a possible bit of a follow up to my post on female bullying, my wonderful sister in law sent me this article that i will pass on to all of you. However, i will disclaimer it with the fact that i didn't get a chance to read it carefully yet or do an analysis. Feel free to leave your feedback to the piece in comments.

Tyra Takes on Same Sex Marriage

2009-05-08T11:24:00.001-04:00

I have a hard time talking with people who believe sexual orientation is a choice. Literally, i shut down and am unable to further "debate" with them about rights because i recognize that they see gays and lesbians as "lesser than," "other," and nothing i say will ever change their mind. I am all for tolerating opinions different from my own but this isn't a topic i can tolerate a range of values on because for me, it's so basic and so essential. Denying someone human rights because you think their sexuality is something they should "control" or something they can "change" is absurd. Did you wake up one morning and "decide" to be straight? Seriously, is this something you thought about and made a conscious decision on? No.

Tyra Banks did an episode yesterday that i want to post here, because i thought a lot of it was really good. But more than that, it presents a very real display of bigotry, intolerance, and people who claim to be "Christians" when in fact they are just using the bible as an excuse to hate, which is very very not Christian of them. They are the same people who think homosexuality is a choice and a sin. For example, in one of the segments the woman says, "I see emotional and mental instability" as one of the audience members emotionally shares the discrimination and violence he has faced in his life for his sexual orientation. She does not show empathy, she does not show love or support. She laughs, on stage, and tells the world he's emotionally and mentally instable. Shame on you, lady.

Tyra had Sandy Rios on (who IS this woman?!) who had lots of quotable gems, such as:

"You can stop being gay, you cannot stop being black"

"As a fully heterosexual female i can tell you how difficult it is not to have sex, too. So i can understand that dilemma" She was asked, "is celebacy the answer?" Her reply: "yes, as apposed to acting out homosexuality or adultry or pedophelia, yes.

"When you talk about discrimination and the misery of being a lesbian, gay upfront is the wrong name for that. It's broken hearts, it's disease, it's unnatural." (just for the record, the woman she was talking to never said being a lesbian made her miserable...)

If you have time, and can tolerate Tyra, watch the show, "Gay is the New Black." If nothing else I want you to see the "arguments" that same sex marriage opponents make. I want you to hear the intolerance, bigotry, and hatred that they spew and I want you to see exactly why i have such an unbelievable difficult time "debating" with people like this in my own life. Primarily because there is nothing i can say that will ever make them hate less, love more, and celebrate diversity.

I posted it here from youtube which had it split up into four video. I only included the last part of the show because that's the one that had a lot of what i discussed above:

Just don't read the comments on youtube, or else you're get lots like this one:

Ginne86 (12 minutes ago)
"Being gay IS a choice, just like fat people can choose to eat fast food or you can choose to eat healthy. even though healthy food dont tastes as good as fast foods."

Friday Feel Good: Obama's New Budget ELIMINATES Abstinence-Only Funding!

2009-05-08T10:00:00.004-04:00

Quick hit via Amplify Your Voice:

Barack Obama just released the numbers for his new 2010 budget, and while everything in it isn’t peachy, I have some great news for you:

Abstinence-only funding has been ELIMINATED.

Community Based Abstinence Education funding is GONE.

Title V abstinence-only funding is GONE.

Not only are all of the abstinence-only funds eliminated, but $173 million dollars will now be going to teen pregnancy prevention programs around the country that don’t have to adhere to the ridiculous standards that were there before.

More info on the good and the bad at Amplify Your Voice, Female Impersonator, and Feministe

Wesleyan Feminist Shot & Killed Yesterday

2009-05-07T15:13:00.005-04:00

I received an email yesterday at work entitled, "Shooting on Broad Street- Read this message NOW." I didn't think much of it, because i work off-site in New Haven and not in Middletown where my company's building is located. The email read:

Important Notice

There was a shooting at the Red and Black Café today, located at the corner of Broad & Williams Streets. Midfield received incorrect information from the authorities. The shooter WAS NOT apprehended. The Corporate Center is now in "lock down". No one may enter the building but employees may leave the building.

Summary:
A Wesleyan student was fatally shot at Red and Black Café this afternoon. . A gun was recovered at the scene of the shooting, however the suspect is still at large.

Today I learned that the victim was Johanna Justin-Jinich, a Wesleyan student who volunteered for Planned Parenthood and was an activist for women's issues and public health. "She was supposed to work in DC this summer for a women’s rights organization." The police are unsure whether the suspect, Stephen Morgan, targeted Johanna because she was Jewish or if it was personal. They had attended a program together at NYU and towards the end of it Johanna filed a harassment complaint with the Public Safety Department, saying she had been receiving harassing e-mails and phone calls from Stephen. She later decided not to pursue the case. Yesterday morning Stephen walked into the cafe where Johanna worked and shot her. She will be greatly missed. This is really a devastating loss. My heart goes out to her friends and family.

EDIT: Dave tells me they haven't yet caught the suspect :/ Anyone else know more about this??

Women's Martial Arts, an Interview

2009-05-05T12:58:00.008-04:00

Below is an interview with a female martial artist, Marianna, who has been studying martial arts for almost 15 years. She is now getting into MMA (Mixed Martial Arts), where there are not currently a lot of women. You will see in the interview below that Marianna was supported to persue her interests in martial arts early on with the support of her dad who enrolled her in classes when she was nine years old. In the interest of full disclosure, I will tell you that Marianna is my cousin and i am incredibly proud of her for all her accomplishments and goals. She does not only demonstrate physical strength but also strength of character, as martial arts have taught her to over the last 15 years.

Some of the gender questions that came to mind as i watched Marianna's fight included: What kind of messages do the women holding up signs in the middle of the fight (and the photo op with the same women at the end) send? They are almost naked and we as feminists quickly notice this sort of blatant objectification. Shouldn't a female fight, with an empowerment and strength focus, send a different message and leave out this sexist tradition from the ring? Another question that arose for me was whether there are certain double standards for women in the sport. Do they expect the women to be feminine and conventionally attractive while maintaining a "tough guy" attitude? Which female fighters get more attention (in terms of fans and sponsorship) the conventionally pretty women or the women who look tough, ready to kick ass, and are unmotivated by maintaining a conventionally feminine appearance?

If you have questions for Marianna about martial arts and MMA, feel free to leave them in the comment section, maybe i can get her to swing by and answer some :)

1. What made you want to learn and start practicing martial arts?
I've been doing martial arts since i was 9 years old. My brother was taking Tae Kwon Do and I was always intrigued by it so my dad let me start taking classes. Then after i got my black belt my dad encouraged me to look around at other schools and that's when i started taking kung fu with Vincent Lyn. I trained with him for 6 years before moving to Miami for college. I took some time off from the martial arts at that point. A year ago I decided I wanted to get back into it. I looked for serious schools before finding out that one of the best MMA camps in the world was just around the corner from my house. I joined American Top Team and couldn't be happier with the training. I am pushed every day and find the sport to be so challenging. (MMA is the combination of wrestling, jiu jitsu, boxing and kickboxing).

2. Did knowing how to fight throughout your life make you feel more safe in situations where women are "supposed to" be afraid, like walking alone at night or meeting men for the first time?
Actually, I've never been in a real fight. I do feel safe knowing that i have experience in combat but now-a -days people don't really fight with just fists...so i think i've just been fortunate not having to prove myself on the street.

3. What types of double standards have you experienced or seen in the world of MMA in terms of gender?
I've always been more of a tom boy than a girly girl growing up. Sports were always part of my life and I've had to deal with criticism from family and a few friends about how girls shouldn't be playing sports and instead being girly. But thankfully i've never been the type of person to take things personally. I enjoy being challenged physically and this is what this sport does. Fighting is just as mental as it is physical so i feel that it sort of mirrors life. You have to be strong physically, mentally and spiritually to make it through daily struggles and the same goes for MMA.

I like to prove people wrong. I think girl fighters can definitely be sexy. Why not be the total package? Yea i'm a girl, yes i can fight and yes i'm sexy. I don't think those aspects have to contradict themselves. Actually a lot of guys think that girl fighters are hot. After my fight I got a lot of feedback from some spectators. They all showed me a lot of love and respect and these were people who didn't even know me. They just came up to me and told me what they thought.

As far as body image... the sport is very demanding (that's why you see so many hot guys with amazing bodies fighting). I'm noticing my body change and a lot of people don't realize the sacrifice on your body. Fighters are constantly loosing and gaining depending on timing of fights. So it definitely keeps you in shape and I love that about it!

4. Do you think it's harder for women fighters to get noticed than male fighters? Is it more difficult for female fighters to get sponsorship?
I think it's easier. People always talk about the girl fights! I think being an attractive girl opens doors because sex sells. Just look at Gina Carano. She's an awesome fighter and shes hot. she's the most popular female fighter in the world (but not because she's hands down the best in the world). What sets her apart is her looks. I am a huge fan of hers...she's got a lot of sponsors, she keeps it real and she's not afraid to be sexy.

5. What is some advice you'd give to girls and women starting out in martial arts?
Martial arts are great because it's a great workout, you get to meet a lot of nice people, you will challenge yourself mentally and physically and it's fun to learn. I am totally for strong women and I think women that do martial arts gain confidence in more than just protecting themselves. But as far as women's MMA, it's gaining popularity by the minute. like I said...people love to watch women fight. So i doubt the sport is going anywhere.

6. Why does the ref keep fixing your bra during the fight? I thought that was a bit strange...
Ok so i was planning on wearing my t-shirt the whole fight. When i got into the ring they told me it wasn't tight enough and my opponent's feet could get caught in it so they made me take it off. The problem with that was that I had plastic boob protectors in my sports bra (which is required to wear...as well as its required to take a pregnancy test before fights). So during the fight the boob protectors kept shifting and at some points sticking out of the sports bra. So the ref kept fixing and adjusting it for me. LOL. quite embarrassing but at least they didn't fall out!!

What She Learned from Marching Band

2009-04-30T12:33:00.007-04:00

Today i am proud to have been a marching band girl for 11 years:

QUARTZ HILL, Calif. (AP) — Don't mess with the marching band.

That's what California authorities are saying after a 17-year-old girl used her marching band baton to beat back two would-be muggers.

Los Angeles County sheriff's Deputy Michael Rust says the Quartz Hill girl was walking to school April 24 when two men approached her from behind, tried to grab her coat and demanded money.

Instead, one got a punch in the nose and the other a kick to the groin. Rust says the girl then beat both of them with her band baton before she ran away.

The men had not been caught. But Rust says there's a clear message to take from the encounter:
"The moral to this story is don't mess with the marching band girls, or you just might get what you deserve. Final score: marching band 2, thugs 0."

The Lost Generation

2009-04-30T12:02:00.002-04:00

Thanks, Jackie, for sending this. Very moving message and clever video:

Obama's "Swagga"

2009-04-30T07:51:00.002-04:00

Um, excuse me, but WHAT?!

Check out the commentary even before they start the interview, too.

UCLA Study On Friendship Among Women

2009-04-27T11:32:00.003-04:00

A friend and coworker sent me this article last week in an email forward. We both work in research and have always valued empirical evidence. But this friend is also very holistic. She's been a nurse for over 40 years and is a certified acupuncturist. She likes to remind us that though science and "proof" is important, especially in our line of work (substance abuse treatment), it's just as vital to follow instincts, connect with one another, and be present in the moment. She forwarded this article along that contains research to support just that...

©2002 Gale Berkowitz
"A landmark UCLA study suggests friendships between women are special. They shape who we are and who we are yet to be. They soothe our tumultuous inner world, fill the emotional gaps in our marriage, and help us remember who we really are. By the way, they may do even more.

Scientists now suspect that hanging out with our friends can actually counteract the kind of stomach-quivering stress most of us experience on a daily basis. A landmark UCLA study suggests that women respond to stress with a cascade of brain chemicals that cause us to make and maintain friendships with other women. It's a stunning find that has turned five decades of stress research---most of it on men---upside down. Until this study was published, scientists generally believed that when people experience stress, they trigger a hormonal cascade that revs the body to either stand and fight or flee as fast as possible, explains Laura Cousin Klein, Ph.D., now an Assistant Professor of Biobehavioral Health at Penn State University and one of the study's authors. It's an ancient survival mechanism left over from the time we were chased across the planet by saber-toothed tigers.

Now the researchers suspect that women have a larger behavioral repertoire than just fight or flight; In fact, says Dr. Klein, it seems that when the hormone oxytocin is release as part of the stress responses in a woman, it buffers the fight or flight response and encourages her to tend children and gather with other women instead. When she actually engages in this tending or befriending, studies suggest that more oxytocin is released, which further counters stress and produces a calming effect. This calming response does not occur in men, says Dr. Klein, because testosterone---which men produce in high levels when they're under stress---seems to reduce the effects of oxytocin. Estrogen, she adds, seems to enhance it.

The discovery that women respond to stress differently than men was made in a classic "aha" moment shared by two women scientists who were talking one day in a lab at UCLA. There was this joke that when the women who worked in the lab were stressed, they came in, cleaned the lab, had coffee, and bonded, says Dr. Klein. When the men were stressed, they holed up somewhere on their own. I commented one day to fellow researcher Shelley Taylor that nearly 90% of the stress research is on males. I showed her the data from my lab, and the two of us knew instantly that we were onto something.

The women cleared their schedules and started meeting with one scientist after another from various research specialties. Very quickly, Drs. Klein and Taylor discovered that by not including women in stress research, scientists had made a huge mistake: The fact that women respond to stress differently than men has significant implications for our health.

It may take some time for new studies to reveal all the ways that oxytocin encourages us to care for children and hang out with other women, but the "tend and befriend" notion developed by Drs. Klein and Taylor may explain why women consistently outlive men. Study after study has found that social ties reduce our risk of disease by lowering blood pressure, heart rate, and cholesterol. There's no doubt, says Dr. Klein, that friends are helping us live longer.

In one study, for example, researchers found that people who had no friends increased their risk of death over a 6-month period. In another study, those who had the most friends over a 9-year period cut their risk of death by more than 60%.

Friends are also helping us live better. The famed Nurses' Health Study from Harvard Medical School found that the more friends women had, the less likely they were to develop physical impairments as they aged, and the more likely they were to be leading a joyful life. In fact, the results were so significant, the researchers concluded, that not having close friends or confidants was as detrimental to your health as smoking or carrying extra weight.

And that's not all. When the researchers looked at how well the women functioned after the death of their spouse, they found that even in the face of this biggest stressor of all, those women who had a close friend and confidante were more likely to survive the experience without any new physical impairments or permanent loss of vitality. Those without friends were not always so fortunate. Yet if friends counter the stress that seems to swallow up so much of our life these days, if they keep us healthy and even add years to our life, why is it so hard to find time to be with them? That's a question that also troubles researcher Ruthellen Josselson, Ph.D., co-author of Best Friends: The Pleasures and Perils of Girls' and Women's Friendships (Three Rivers Press, 1998). The following paragraph is, in my opinion, very, very true and something all women should be aware of and NOT put our female friends on the back burners.

Every time we get overly busy with work and family, the first thing we do is let go of friendships with other women, explains Dr. Josselson. We push the m right to the back burner. That's really a mistake because women are such a source of strength to each other. We nurture one another. And we need to have unpressured space in which we can do the special kind of talk that women do when they're with other women. It's a very healing experience."

First Male-less Species of Ant

2009-04-16T09:36:00.004-04:00

Seriously, please don't read into this and write in comments exclaiming, "ah ha! you think men are useless!" I am just putting this up as a new scientific finding that my brother sent along to me ;)

Asexual Ants Give up on Males

Jennifer Viegas, Discovery News

April 15, 2009 -- "Men, who needs them?" is a question sometimes uttered by frustrated women, but a widespread species of tropical ant has taken that position to the extreme by becoming asexual and only producing females, according to a new study.

The insect, Mycocepurus smithii, represents the first documented male-less species of ant, the scientists believe. What's more, all of its female ant colonies are thriving on clonal fungi, and appear to have stopped producing males a long time ago, puzzling experts who believe asexuality is evolutionarily disadvantageous.

Lead author Anna Himler explained that a life without sex might not be so bad after all.

"Sexual reproduction is costly in several ways and asexual reproduction -- the lack of sex -- can be advantageous," she said, offering four reasons.

First, "asexuality avoids the energetic cost of producing males, and thus doubles the number of reproductive females produced each generation from 50 percent to 100 percent of offspring," said Himler, a researcher at the University of Arizona's Center for Insect Science.

She added there is no need to expend energy trying to find a partner, genes are not broken up, and "the risk of contracting sexually transmitted diseases or parasites" goes out the window.

The two main advantages for sexual reproduction, she said, are more effective elimination of deleterious gene mutations and "faster evolution via mixing genes with those of a mate."

For the study, published in the latest Proceedings of the Royal Society B, Himler and her colleagues conducted field surveys at hundreds of nests for the ant in Panama, Guyana, Ecuador, Peru, Argentina and Brazil. The scientists failed to find any males.

They then collected colonies from five Panama populations of the ant and put them through a barrage of tests. DNA extracted from offspring showed that they were all clones of their mothers. Dissections of colony queens revealed they not only hadn't mated, but their mating apparatus had degenerated, indicating the species has probably been reproducing asexually for a long time.

Since certain bacteria can curb sexual activity in insects, the scientists tested for the presence of those, and even administered antibiotics to see if they could "cure" the ants of their no-sex state. Nothing happened.

Finally, they conducted "a fungal-switch experiment," whereby the ant's normal fungus garden -- which also happens to be asexual -- was replaced with a different fungus. The queen ants produced workers first but, again, all females.

Aside from having a sexless existence, the lack of males doesn't appear to change the ants' lives much since, as Himler explained, "in most ant species, males have little to no role in the daily activities of the ant colony...[so] the absence of males does not generate extra work for the female worker ants."

Jacobus Boomsma, director of the Center for Social Evolution and a professor in the Department of Biology at the University of Copenhagen, told Discovery News, "Time will tell whether this ant is an ancient 'asexual scandal' that flies in the face of commonly accepted theory or whether there is a good explanation, albeit perhaps an unusual one."

His "hunch is that the answer lies in this ant being extremely Catholic in its association with a wide array of fungal partners."

Humans are, of course, a sexual species, but "in theory, genetic engineering could in the distant future enable male-less reproduction," Himler said. "A female could then reproduce without any male mate, whereas a male would still need a female mate to reproduce because males don't have the reproductive machinery to make babies."

She added, "How such theoretical societies would look is difficult to predict."

Happy Tax Day!

2009-04-15T19:28:00.004-04:00

In case you aren't clear on terms and because I find Urban Dictionary ridiculously hilarious: tea-bagging

Way To Go, ScarJo!

2009-04-15T18:15:00.004-04:00

This post may shock those of you who know me, because I am the absolute last person to keep up with pop culture and celebrities. However, I have a special place in my heart for stars like Scarlett Johansson who speak out against the media and for positive body image.

Johansson is preparing for a role in Iron Man 2, for which the tabloids claim, she is starving and over exercising herself to lose 14 pounds. ScarJo spoke out in an article featured in The Huffington Post on Monday about body image, irresponsible journalism, and making healthy choices:

"Eating healthy and getting fit is about commitment, determination, consistency and the dedication to self-preservation," She wrote. "People come in all shapes and sizes and everyone has the capability to meet their maximum potential. Once filming is completed, I'll no longer need to rehash the 50 ways to lift a dumbbell, but I'll commit to working out at least 30 minutes a day and eating a balanced diet of fruit, vegetables and lean proteins."

My favorite part of her article is when she calls out the "media" and their "utterly lunatic" claims that she is losing so much weight and being heavily influenced by co-stars. ScarJo is super snarky in her response, and hopefully this will help set some "journalists" straight - we see celebrities' appearance up for discussion way too often (wasn't Jessica Simpson criticized for putting on some weight not too long ago?).

"Since dedicating myself to getting into 'superhero shape,' several articles regarding my weight have been brought to my attention. Claims have been made that I've been on a strict workout routine regulated by co-stars, whipped into shape by trainers I've never met, eating sprouted grains I can't pronounce and ultimately losing 14 pounds off my 5'3" frame. Losing 14 pounds out of necessity in order to live a healthier life is a huge victory. I'm a petite person to begin with, so the idea of my losing this amount of weight is utter lunacy. If I were to lose 14 pounds, I'd have to part with both arms. And a foot. I'm frustrated with the irresponsibility of tabloid media who sell the public ideas about what we should look like and how we should get there."

"I believe it's reckless and dangerous for these publications to sell the story that these are acceptable ways to looking like a 'movie star'... The press should be held accountable for the false ideals they sell to their readers regarding body image — that's the real weight of the issue."

"The concept of 'Stars Are Just Like Us!" makes us feel connected to lifestyles that can sometime seem out of this world. Yes, celebrities are just like us. They struggle with demons and overcome obstacles and have annoying habits and battle vices. That said, I would be absolutely mortified to discover that some 15-year-old girl in Kansas City read one of these "articles" and decided she wasn't going to eat for a couple of weeks so she too could "crash diet" and look like Scarlett Johansson."

Way to go Scarlett Johansson, really well said. Except wait, "celebrities are just like us"?? You ARE a celebrity: own it and do good by it, just like you did in this article.

Bullying

2009-04-12T01:15:00.000-04:00

I've been thinking a lot about bullying lately, specifically bullying among girls and women. The more research i did on the topic, the more i found relating to bullying's effects on the victims, how girls bully, and the difficulty of breaking free of bullying. What i didn't find much of is WHY girls bully and how this bullying translates to adult female relationships.

Bullying among girls has been on the rise since the early 1990's. Also, the bullying isn't stereotypical physical violence you think of when "bully" comes to mind (though it can be). Bullying among girls usually takes on more subtle and calculated characteristics. The NCPC defines a female bully as a girl who "is popular, well-liked by adults, does well in school, and can even be friends with the girls she bullies. She doesn't get into fist fights, although some girls who bully do. Instead, she spreads rumors, gossips, excludes others, shares secrets, and teases girls about their hair, weight, intelligence, and athletic ability. She usually bullies in a group and others join in or pressure her to bully."

No wonder I came to the conclusion of "hating girls" in middle and high school. Obviously i didn't, because i am female myself, but it was the best way my 12 year old self knew to cope and to separate myself from the stereotypically female characteristics that were supposedly bad. You know, girls being portrayed as catty, oversensitive, and manipulative. Grown up me recognizes that not all women (and girls) are those things (though some sure can be...) but 12 year old me, who needed external validation, knew she'd get it most by identifying as little with stereotypically female traits as possible. I've heard women, again and again, note that "women (or girls) are so difficult to be friends with" or all their close friends are male because "men are easier to deal with." When i started to really think about this i realized we were being socialized to hate ourselves.

I think one of the biggest problems is girls aren't being taught the qualities they should be valuing. Qualities like cooperation, strength, diversity, warmth, respect, communication, responsibility, empathy, and many others. Instead, they're being judged based on their appearance, clothes, weight, and popularity (which fluctuates daily based on who's in their "circle" that day) and their actions to become popular based on those terms are only reinforced by movies, television, music, and toys.

Kimmi and Courtney talked about core self-esteem back in December. They discussed how it's created and nurtured and the dangers of being unaware of ones self-esteem or having false (merely outward) self-esteem as many "tough girls" do. Courtney has been working with the Dove Self Esteem Fund to raise self-esteem in girls and train dedicated adults to do the same. She mentioned a Dove nationwide study that found 7 out of 10 girls felt they didn't measure up in some way. Out of the girls that felt they didn't measure up, half engaged in negative behaviors like smoking, drinking, bullying, and disordered eating. Kimmi and Courtney also talked about the importance of responding honestly to our own feelings and being able to recognize them as apposed to rationalizing and pretending they are something else. This is a tough thing to do, especially for young girls. At that age, girls are often looking for external validation and not inward, at their actions, reactions, and emotions. But looking inward, and focusing on the positive values i mentioned earlier is what fosters self-esteem. However, if we're never taught to love our sisters, and we are taught that we don't quite measure up, how can we develop a strong sense of self, positive self-esteem, and close relationships with each other? Also, how can we begin to understand the damaging effects of bullying, especially in the way that girls bully, if we don't understand our own value?

So how does all this translate into adult female relationships? Well i think very similarly. I think core self-esteem and self acceptance has a lot to do with it, followed by having respect for others. Also, not knowing how to connect with people in a meaningful way and thus using "relationships" for manipulation and even punishment. I think a lot of times bullies get caught in a web of their actions and don't know how to connect with other women in genuine ways. They end up pushing others out and only having their negative thoughts and behaviors to focus on. This isn't necessarily their fault, like i said, girls aren't taught to develop honest relationships with each other from a young level.

Rachel Simmons wrote a great book on bullying, Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls, that is now referenced in most developmental psych classes. One of the terms Simmons uses is "relational aggression" which is described as any behavior intended to harm someone else through manipulation in relationships. As an adult, there are several adult women i know who utilize this. Some relational aggression tactics that are discussed in the book for adolescents and teenage girls, but i have witnessed adult women use, include: exclusion, ignoring, malicious gossip, intimidation, manipulation, alliance building, and cyberbullying. And though Rachel Simmons finally gave a much needed voice to young female bullying victims in her book, she doesn't address female bullying in adult relationships. To assume this behavior ends in adulthood, is naive.

Why do seemingly adult women engage in bullying? I think most of it is for the same reasons girls do - such as power, control, popularity, to become closer with someone else, manipulation, etc. But as adults, there is also often a competitive nature that goes along with bullying, as well as a sense of "keeping someone in their place." Both of these elements can somewhat be explained through socialization. We are constantly bombarded with messages of women competing with one another for men, jobs, fashion, appearance... We see a lot of this type of bullying at work or among "friends" during or after college.

Are you or your kids being emotionally bullied?? If so, below are some tips for parents and helpful links for resources. Also, feel free to share any stories you are comfortable sharing in the comments section.

Some Tips for Parents:

Involve girls in activities outside of school so they are exposed to different types of people
Encourage relationships with adults and other children who appreciate them for what they are
Be available to listen and don’t downplay the importance of an incident
Teach kindness and model that behavior
Talk about both sides of an issue. Girls may tell you about being a victim but not talk about being the aggressor
If your daughter is caught in the middle, encourage her to take the high road and support the victim, or at least not take part in the aggression
If necessary, see professional counseling.
Become computer savvy.
Do not allow your child to have a computer in their room or other isolated area. If they have laptops, set guidelines for where they can use it and the length of time they can use it.
Be aware of the online activities of your child
Research filtering and parental control programs for your computer

Some possibly helpful websites:
www.opheliaproject.org
www.relationalaggression.com
www.cyberbullying.ca
www.daughters-sisters.org
www.smartgirl.com
www.powerofhome.org

This Year at Passover

2009-04-08T09:19:00.010-04:00

Last year I wrote about feminist Passover Seder alternatives, such as an orange representing the inclusion of all genders and sexualities at the table:

Susannah Heschel, a leading feminist scholar, is the woman responsible for popularizing the custom of an orange on the Seder plate. The story goes that during one of Susannah Heschel's lectures at a synagogue in Miami, an elderly rabbi stood up and said, "A woman belongs on the bimah like an orange belongs on the Seder plate." "To show support for the changing role of women in American Jewish society, the tradition of placing an orange on the Seder plate began, and Heschel became a household name at many Passover celebrations around the globe."But don't be fooled... this isn't the actual story of the orange. In the early 80's a feminist Haggadah instructed that Jews place a crust of bread on the Seder plate to represent marginalized Jews, particularly Jewish lesbians and gay men, in the Jewish community. Although Heschel liked the notion of reintroducing oppressed groups into Passover, she did not agree that the symbol should be bread. Heschel felt that by putting bread on the Seder plate we would be indicating that gay men and women are violating Judaism like leavened foods (the bread) violate Passover. Heschel instead chose an orange to symbolize the inclusion of gays and lesbians (as well as others who are marginalized and oppressed within Jewish law and tradition). Heschel chose an orange for two reasons: 1. to symbolize the "fruitfulness of all Jews" (aka it's better when EVERYONE gets a chance to participate, and everyone benefits when all are included) and 2. the seeds, as they are spit out, act as a symbol of the homophobia and discrimination we are protesting.

Additionally, Heschel was more than a bit (rightfully) peeved when the story about the elderly male rabbi began to circulate because (she writes) "somehow the typical patriarchal maneuver occurred: My idea of an orange and my intention of affirming lesbians and gay men were transformed. Now the story circulates that a man said to me that a woman belongs on the bimah as an orange on the seder plate. A woman's words are attributed to a man, and the affirmation of lesbians and gay men is erased. Isn't that precisely what's happened over the centuries to women's ideas?"

Don't forget to bring an orange to your first seder tonight. And definitely pass along the story of why it's there.

This year at Passover i find myself feeling differently about Judaism and Israel, especially during a holiday that celebrates "freedom" and the story of the Jews' Exodus from Egypt to our "promised land." So much of the story this year is entangled with increased conflict in the Middle East and the basic human rights of the people living there, the Palestinians and Israelis alike. Rights like safety, shelter, food, education...

This year at Passover i am forced to consider the real meaning of the holiday, a time to remember and re-tell the story of my people. At my house though, we've never kept to the haggadah word for word, and even more rarely have we waited to eat until the final blessing. You see, the first night of Passover (tonight) is celebrated by the first seder, a time for families to come together and retell the story of the Exodus and think about how it affects each of us uniquely and the Jews as a whole. To do this we use a haggadah, a short book or pamphlet from which we read prayers, stories, and instruction. My family always tries (and fails) to read through the haggadah in it's entirety and instead we dive into the amazing spread that my mom miraculously creates. Matzah ball soup, chicken (free range chicken the past few years because she's good to me like that), kugel, charoset, apple pie, and lots lots more, all without flour. No one realizes that she spends days, if not weeks, preparing for this event.

My cousin, Mia, sent me an updated haggadah today that her dad found that incorporates feminism and even vegetarianism into the holiday's traditions. This version of the haggadah even includes a poem by Adrienne Rich:

Freedom. It isn’t once, to walk out
under the Milky Way, feeling the rivers
of light, the fields of dark—
freedom is daily, prose-bound, routine
remembering. Putting together, inch by inch
the starry worlds. From all the lost collections.

It also includes an interesting look at the Exodus:

"Passover celebrates freedom, exemplified in the story of our Exodus from Egypt. That story leads our entry into Israel—not exactly a simple redemption tale. Especially not now, as Israelis and Palestinians continue to fight for their mutual Promised Land, and to shed blood in pursuit of its ownership. In light of that situation, some of us may have complicated feelings about identifying with Israel. But “Israel” doesn’t refer only to the Land. “Israel” is the name which was given to Jacob after he spent the night wrestling with an angel of God. Therefore “the people Israel” can be interpreted as “Godwrestling people”—“people who take on the holy obligation of engaging with the divine.”

I've often felt the traditional haggadah was dated and often irrelevant, referencing the importance of sons (not "children" to include daughters) and fearful of the plagues that include lice, frogs, hail, and boils. These don't pose the same threat for us today as they did our ancestors. This updated haggadah urges us to consider the plagues of our time, such as:

Apathy in the face of evil
Brutal torture of the helpless
Cruel mockery of the old and the weak
Despair of human goodness
Envy of the joy of others
Falsehood and deception corroding our faith
Greedy theft of earth’s resources
Hatred of learning and culture
Instigation of war and aggression
Justice delayed, justice denied, justice mocked...

This haggadah also explains the tradition of the orange, "representing the radical feminist notion that there is—there must be—a place at the table for all of us, regardless of gender or sexual orientation. As Jews we constantly re-create ourselves; our symbol is a fruit that carries within the seeds of its own rebirth" and also the importance of an olive, which i had never heard before:

"The final item on our seder plate is an olive. After the Flood, Noah’s dove brought back an olive branch as a sign that the earth was again habitable. Today ancient olive groves are destroyed by violence, making a powerful symbol of peace into a casualty of war. We keep an olive on our seder plate as an embodied prayer for peace, in the Middle East and every place where war destroys lives, hopes, and the freedoms we celebrate tonight."

Taking Up Space

2009-04-01T10:43:00.008-04:00

I've always been really interested in the idea of space in relation to gender. What i mean by that is how much space men utilize daily versus how much space women use and how that plays a role in sexism and weight issues. A lot of this intersects with standards of beauty and our culture's drive for women's thinness but i have always been a bit paranoid that it goes beyond just that. When i started studying body image and eating disorders i thought i had uncovered the greatest conspiracy of our time: the more women are pushed to be preoccupied with their weight and appearance, the less they'll have time, energy, and money to succeed in anything else.

I strongly believe that women's preoccupation with weight goes far beyond fulfilling an impossible standard of beauty. Our obsession with thinness is largely intertwined with the amount of space women are expected and "allowed" to take up in society, both physically and mentally. I came back to this thought today as I waited for a client in the lobby the substance abuse clinic where i work. I sat on the end of the bench in the waiting area as three men walked into the clinic. They continued talking to each other and two sat on the bench next to me while one remained standing. I moved as far to the side of the bench as i could and sat with my legs crossed and arms to my sides. The man next to me sat down and stretched his arms up and placed them on the top of the bench, making himself as wide as possible. There were other dynamics at play here such as status for example, because i am staff and they are clients, but i felt uncomfortable because this man almost had his arm around me... so i moved. As i stood by the wall i thought about space and just how much of it women are expected to take up, and give up, based on the circumstance.

None of us are new to the idea that advertising sells more than the products illustrated. Advertising and media also sell values and ideals that we're expected to buy into. For women, there is no greater concept sold with products than thinness. The video below is a short segment from Jean Kilbourne's lecture series about advertising and the obsession with weight and dieting. What struck me most about it was her discussion of a Virginia Slims ad that reads: "if i ran the world calories wouldn't count." But of course she doesn't run the world, and calories "do" count so she should grab a cigarette instead of eating. This ad blatantly instructs women to SMOKE instead of EAT. Women shouldn't eat, they should diet, they should take up as little space as possible, the thinner the better... but what does "the thinner the better really mean?"

The message of "the thinner the better" is an extremely pervasive attempt for women to become as thin and small as possible and thus take up as little space in the world as they can. And this message isn't just taught to us by mainstream media. It's taught in etiquette classes across the country. Women are instructed to sit gracefully with their legs crossed while men are usually found sprawled out, taking up as much space as they can on the chair. Men even reach their arms out when sitting, and make their frame as large as they can to take up as much space as possible. Women keep their arms at their sides, or crossed on their lap. Again, women are supposed to take up as little space in the world as they possibly can, be it with actions or their physical appearance.

I have seen a trend recently in advertisements depicting women with muscle and strength. It's about time women are shown kicking ass, lifting weights, and using their bodies in ways we haven't seen in mainstream media in the past. The obsession with thinness goes beyond weight and extends to women's place in the world and women's right to use 50% of the space in our environment.

What do you do to take up space? To make sure you are a known force in the world? Is this something you've ever considered or acted on?

My example may not be life changing but it's one i'll share with you: I love fall for many reasons, but one of the biggest is because i get the chance to feel like i exist in the universe while i walk outside. When i was younger (ok who am i kidding, i do it now, too) i deliberately step on the dry leaves on the ground and celebrate internally as each one goes "CRUNCH." I feel like my presence was known in the world with each leaf i squash. The noiser the better. I love that CRUNCH feel and love putting a sound to my walking through the world.

UPDATE: I posted this in the Feministing Community section, where there is currently a lot of discussion, feel free to add to it there, or here in comments :)

Oprah's "Why Women Are Leaving Men for Other Women"

2009-03-30T14:09:00.004-04:00

I'm glad that my friends hold me accountable for blogging and send me various articles throughout the week that i should have read or should be reading. I swear, i'll get to them... i've been swamped with work and personal drama. A good friend, Heather, sent this article to me stating that she was a bit conflicted. I agree. I think the author meant well... but a few aspects of this piece read a bit off.

To me, Fischer's article seemed doused in stereotypes. Men never. Women always. The piece quotes a woman who states, "I enjoyed sex with men, but there was a lack of emotional intimacy with them." As a feminist woman committed to a feminist and gender bending male, i find it difficult to evaluate things in such black and white terms. I think it's important to highlight the uniqueness of lesbian relationships without devaluing heterosexual relationships and especially without exploiting mainstream lesbian stereotypes like the examples of media in the article:

"Actress Lindsay Lohan and DJ Samantha Ronson flaunted their relationship from New York to Dubai. Katy Perry's song "I Kissed a Girl" topped the charts. The L Word, Work Out, and Top Chef are featuring gay women on TV, and there's even talk of a lesbian reality show in the works. Certainly nothing is new about women having sex with women, but we've arrived at a moment in the popular culture when it all suddenly seems almost fashionable—or at least, acceptable."

Most of those examples barely make for genuine relationships. They are more a form of faux lesbianism that has been tolerated throughout the decades. I use "tolerated" purposefully because examples of straight men daring women to make out with each other and watching isn't genuine acceptance of same sex couples. And though these straight men reveling in faux lesbianism may be extreme and some would argue, outdated, Work Out, Katy Perry's pop hit, and reality TV shows come pretty damn close. They all feature hot, leggy, women and a sense of "trying it out" that doesn't really make for commitment. Either that or androgynous and "butch" women who are entirely open about their sexuality. But where are all the women in between, that don't fit either mainstream norm? Don't get me wrong, i think openly gay women on TV shows and radio is such a step in the right direction, i just wish it was more genuine and less forced into those stereotyped boxes that society and media has for gays and lesbians. Even Rachel Maddow, who i absolutely adore, has been discussed in terms of fitting into a standard of beauty that she may not be 100% comfortable representing off the screen.

But what makes me even more conflicted is, as feminist philosopher Susan Bordo, states for the article, "when a taboo is lifted or diminished, it's going to leave people freer to pursue things." So okay, whether or not media is exploiting lesbian relationships for ratings, just by showing same sex couples on the screen diminishes the taboo around these relationships and gives lesbian, bi, and questioning women and chance to feel comfortable in their sexuality and embrace alternative options. That is such an important step.

The other part of the article that left me wondering was a paragraph about a 2004 landmark study in sexual orientation:

"During the experiment, the female subjects became sexually aroused when they viewed heterosexual as well as lesbian erotic films. This was true for both gay and straight women. Among the male subjects, however, the straight men were turned on only by erotic films with women, the gay ones by those with men. "We found that women's sexual desire is less rigidly directed toward a particular sex, as compared with men's, and it's more changeable over time," says the study's senior researcher, J. Michael Bailey, PhD. "These findings likely represent a fundamental difference between men's and women's brains."

But how much of this too is socially driven and impacted by media exposure and the diminished taboo surrounding lesbian relationships? I would argue that even arousal in the confines of a home, let alone when being observed and evaluated by a researcher, is mediated by shame and the participant's ideas of normatively. Being called gay or "fag" is so much more a perceived threat for men than it is for women in our culture. My thoughts are that fear and shame surrounding stereotypes and homophobia impact men's arousal much more than they impact women's. "Lesbian" for women isn't used in the same negative connotation or to the same degree as "gay" is for men.

I think a lot of Oprah's article is valid. Definitely great to get the message out separating sex, from gender, and then especially from sexual orientation. I also think there's a lot of importance to putting a face on same sex relationships, as this article has done, to tell people's stories as apposed to always talking in terms of research and data. Putting a face to the literature always helps readers feel connected. But i do think the article could have done a better job assessing stereotypes rather than exploiting them.

If you have a few minutes, check out the article and let me know what you think :)

"substantial adverse consequences"

2009-03-05T13:33:00.009-05:00

Ken Starr, the dean of Pepperdine University's School of Law, is arguing before the California Supreme Court in defense of Prop 8. His goal is to nullify 18,000 same-sex marriages and has argued that by allowing same-sex marriage we as a people have "diminished a public commitment to protecting the welfare of children."

Starr argues against gay families by claiming that there are "substantial adverse consequences for children that often flow from alternative household arrangements."

Yesterday, lawyer David Gibbs, "told rally participants gay marriage would 'open the door to unusual marriage in North Carolina. Why not polygamy, or three or four spouses?' Gibbs asked. 'Maybe people will want to marry their pets or robots'."

What's with these lawyers?! I always thought lawyers needed hard facts and evidence to back up their claims and their agendas? Forgive me for valuing research but studies to date have shown that children of lesbian and gay parents have positive relationships with peers and adults of both sexes and are fully engaged in social life. Their happiness is not affected by their parents' sexual orientation and they develop strong relationship with hetero and homosexual family members, peers, and friends. The only "substantial adverse consequences" that i can think of includes the hatred, intolerance, and discrimination that kids of gay and lesbian parents encounter from people like Ken Starr. The way i see it, Ken Starr is the "substantial adverse consequence" that he is trying to "protect" children from.

Sign the petition and tell Starr that his, "attempt to nullify the marriages of 18,000 loving couples in California is misguided and malicious. The rights of a minority should never be stripped by a simple majority vote, and the idea that divorcing parents could help the welfare of children is disgusting."

And Now a Word from our Sponsors...

2009-02-26T10:25:00.006-05:00

People always ask me how relevant i believe feminism to be: "haven't we come a long way since outwardly sexist discrimination?" Maybe. I will agree that in a lot of ways sexism (as well as other forms of oppression) are a lot more subtle and insidious than they used to be. However, even though we have come far we aren't even close to there yet. Women continue to make less than men, women continue to fight for reproductive rights and control of their own bodies, and women remain out-numbered in politics, economy, and other positions of power.

One arena in which sexism never ceases is the media. Commercials continue to use tired gender stereotypes in their advertising believing people react positively to this, and maybe they do, because if they didn't market researchers would need to come up with different strategies.

I came across a video yesterday that put together sexist commercials from the 1950's, 60's and 70's. These commercials are clearly sexist, one voice over states, "every woman needs to be herself at times, and that means baking!" The commercials start about 1:00 min into the video.

But then i remembered commercials i saw just this past month during the Super Bowl that were just as bad!

and:

and then earlier this year the commercial that made me want to hurl my TV out the window, never have children for fear of ruining them, and write many angry letters to Playskool:

I wrote more about this disturbing commercial last year and there was some controversy in the comment section. Playskool is advertising a "place where she can entertain her imagination!" as the little girl is shown with the washer and drying saying, "let's do laundry!"

So sure, maybe we have "come a long way" since women were denied the right to vote but we certainly aren't there yet.

Happy Birthday, Audre Lorde

2009-02-25T15:55:00.011-05:00

Many of you know my love for Audre Lorde. Those who don't know her, should, and those who do, know exactly why i love her. After reading many of Lorde's essays and poems in college i vowed to live my life as she would, never silent and always working towards something. In Lorde's words, “I have come to believe over and over again that what is most important to me must be spoken, made verbal and shared, even at the risk of having it bruised or misunderstood.”

Audre Lorde's birthday was last week. I happened to miss it because i was interviewing for my top choice graduate program in Maryland. I thought she'd forgive me if she knew the work i intended to do if i gained admission to the program*. I also saw it as a good omen to be interviewing on her day of birth, symbolism like that is important to me and makes me believe in the interconnectedness of the world. I actually mentioned her to one of my interviewers, who knew exactly who Audre Lorde was. As soon as he and i connected on this, i knew this program was IT. I knew there was nowhere else i'd rather be.

After writing my last substantive post on my engagement and my ring i have been thinking a lot about silence and choices. I made the choice to "come clean" to the wonderful community i have found and fostered here on my blog, knowing i would face opposition. Since then i haven't written, i've stewed, i've considered, and i've gone back on forth on reactions/responses.

In another life i may have used silence to protect myself. I may have not shared my news and choice to get married for fear of being ostracized within the feminist community. Then i realized that all too often silence is used to maintain the status quo, to oppress individuals and communities, and to protect ourselves from progress and change.

There are many ways in which you "cannot" be a feminist, trying to fulfill all the requirements of a movement is daunting, exhausting, and takes the focus off the actual point: the issues, the activism, the community. I understand why several people were hurt by my post and I own my privilege/decision to marry. However, that backlash should not (and will not) stop me from further discussing my wedding plans here from a feminist perspective.

It will be a rough road to travel on, for many reasons including bruised egos and offended friends, but this is my story and i plan to share it as we write it. I want to keep my community involved in my life and disclose on here as much as i feel comfortable to. I think many feminists can relate to my insecurities of marriage in terms of patriarchy, sexism, and marriage inequity. For that i will continue discussing it and figuring things out as i go. I apologize if this offends anyone, but i do not apologize for not remaining silent as my partner and I struggle to figure out how to make a wedding and an egalitarian marriage work within a homophobic and unjust culture. We will work towards marriage equity in this country in our own ways, and work towards sharing the values of egalitarian relationships with anyone willing to listen.

*I'll be studying the effects of discrimination - racism, sexism, homophobia, etc - on mental health and examining empowerment and consciousness raising to decrease negative effects of oppression in a clinical psychology phd program.

North Dakota

2009-02-18T14:43:00.002-05:00

"North Dakota's House of Representatives has passed a fetal personhood bill, HB 1572, that declares fertilized eggs have the same rights as human beings. Like the recently defeated ballot measure in Colorado, this is designed to pose a legal challenge to Roe v. Wade. It wouldn't just ban abortion, but also contraception"

Shit :(

Sorry i can't be more eloquent at this time.

Woman Beheaded in New York State. National Organization for Women-NYS Questions Media Blackout

2009-02-17T14:28:00.001-05:00

My friend, Heather, forwarded me this awful story and press release:

Press Release
February 16th, 2009
Contact: Marcia Pappas, 518-452-3944

Woman Beheaded in New York State

National Organization for Women-NYS Questions Media Blackout

ALBANY, NY (02/16/2009; 1237)(readMedia)-- On February 12, 2009, in Orchard Park, Buffalo, NY, forty-four year-old Muzzamil Hassan, a prominent Muslim businessman, was arrested for having allegedly beheaded his wife, thirty-seven year-old Aasiya Z. Hassan. What was Aasiya's crime? Why, Aasiya was having Muzzamil served with divorce papers. And apparently, on February 6, Aasiya obtained an order of protection which had forced her violent husband out of their home.

NOW New York State is horrified that Erie County DA, Frank A. SeditaII, has referred to this ghastly crime as "the worst form of domestic violence possible." The ridiculous juxtaposition of "domestic" and "beheading" in the same journalistic breath points up the inherent weakness of the whole "domestic violence" lexicon.

What is "domestic" about this violence? NOW NYS President Marcia Pappas says "it is high time we stop regarding assaults and murders as a lover's quarrels gone bad. We further demand of lawmakers that punishments fit crimes. We of NOW decry the selective enforcement of assault laws and call for judicial enforcement of our mandatory arrest policy, even when the axe-wielder is known by his victim."

And why is this horrendous story not all over the news? Is a Muslim woman's life not worth a five-minute report? This was, apparently, a terroristic version of "honor killing," a murder rooted in cultural notions about women's subordination to men. Are we now so respectful of the Muslim's religion that we soft-peddle atrocities committed in it's name? Millions of women in this country are maimed and killed by their husbands or partners. Had this awful murder been perpetrated by a African American, a Latino, a Jew, or a Catholic, the story would be flooding the airwaves. What is this deafening silence?

And exactly what do orders of protection do? Was Aasiya desperately waving the order of protection in Muzzamil's face when he slashed at her throat? Was it still clutched in her hand as her head hit the floor?

You of the press, please shine a light on this most dreadful of murders. In a bizarre twist of fate it comes out that Muzzamil Hassan is founder of a television network called Bridges TV, whose purpose it was to portray Muslims in a positive light. This a huge story. Please tell it!
-end-

Marcia A. Pappas, President

National Organization for Women-NYS

Phone: 518-452-3944

Presidents Email: NewYorkStateNOW@aol.com

General Email: Info@nownys.org

www.nownys.org

Joining the Good Fight

2009-02-02T10:16:00.006-05:00

I, too, would like to show solidarity to my dog loving sisters and join the doggie revolution! I'd like to introduce you to Beans, the second love of my life:

Here we have Beans doing his favorite thing, hiking:

Here is Beans on a hunger strike when UConn basketball lost last season:

Feel Good Friday: I Got This.

2009-01-30T22:09:00.007-05:00

h/t Cesca.

"THE" Ring

2009-01-28T12:35:00.006-05:00

I feel like i've been lying to you. Something big happened in my life a few weeks ago and i haven't yet shared it here. Dave and I have been together for 6 years and for the past 3 or so we've been debating the pros and cons of marriage. The pros included benefits like insurance, adoption, tax breaks, status as "next of kin," and the other 1,400+ legal rights given to heterosexual married couples in the United States. The cons included the inequity of marriage and feeling like we didn't need to prove anything to anyone about our relationship. We've often felt like, though we've been dating and living together longer than many married couples we knew, people didn't take our relationship as seriously since we weren't married. That's bullshit. But c'est la vie. Then in October the Connecticut Supreme Court ruled to equalize same sex marriage. Within minutes of reading the news my not-at-all-political mother called and said, "so does this mean you and David will finally get engaged?!" At the time i laughed it off, but i knew she was right, our families were jonsin for a wedding, and for babies. The wedding part we can handle, the babies they'd have to wait on. Though my brother and sister-in-law bought us some time by giving birth the the sweetest bundle of joy in the world, Judah, over the summer.

Dave and I got engaged January 1st. Besides being wonderfully happy to spend the rest of my life with the man i love, I am also excited to have a whole new world of wedding hoopla to explore, analyze, and write about! Discussing weddings from a feminist perspective will prove challenging. So here i'll start, at a good place as any, with the ever so important engagement ring... dun dun dunnnnnn

I think i figured out the formula to true marital happiness. The size of the ring = the size of his love for you. Right? Yea, i didn't think so either... but it's what they want us to believe.

The diamond industry is evil. But my dad is a jeweler. It's how he has made a living ever since we immigrated here from Russia in the 90's. Also, my great grandmother and grandmother both passed away and left me beautiful antique stones. I had little choice in the matter of a ring. I was getting one no matter how much i protest the symbolism.

Still, i need to be honest here. Though i wanted to show off my dad's talents and craft, i was very reluctant to wear a ring. I thought it would make me a hypocrite and all my feminist friends would disown me for it. I hate what engagement rings symbolize. The ownership, the "insurance" so he doesn't leave, the conflict diamonds, and everything else Feminist Finance mentions. Instead, i wanted a massage chair. This has been an ongoing conversation and i thought it unfair that i have to wear a symbol of ownership while Dave got his dream guitar as an engagement present from me. (See, now that you realize Dave got a kick-ass guitar all you couples that mocked our egalitarian relationship wish you'd changed your tune). I have always known i would get him his dream guitar when we decided to get hitched, because we should each get something substantial, not just me. So i wanted a massage chair. I wanted something expensive, that i wouldn't buy for myself, that i would love and use and appreciate. Something i couldn't wear on my finger, something that didn't symbolize ownership, something important to me. I realize my economic-privilege is showing here, i apologize for this.

A massage chair was out of the question. Like i said, my father is a jeweler. An amazingly talented, high fashion, well respected jeweler. I had to have a ring. Not just A ring but THE ring. Not having one was out of the question, so was the massage chair (couldn't we just gem-stone the hell out of the chair???) So if me wearing a ring was a nonnegotiable, i would have a say in this ring.

My ring is absolutely gorgeous. It's sparkly, it's unique, and most importantly it's meaningful. The center stone was my great grandmother's and the work is that of my father. I couldn't have asked for more from an engagement ring. Also, Dave is planning on wearing a wedding band throughout our engagement because my ring shouldn't represent i am "taken" while he is still "not." More the reason i love my feminist fiance.

But here's the catch: my ring was a size too big! So i am currently not wearing it while it is getting resized! Oh the horror!!! The first words out of everyone mouth as soon as D and I told them we are getting married were, "Congratulations! Let me see your ring." Or they'd automatically grab my left hand and pull it towards them. Or they stick out their hand, presenting their ring finger, expecting me to do the same as if i'm now a part of this exclusive girl's club. At first, before i can understand what was happening, i would stick out my hand too! When no ring was apparent their face would shift from excitement to disappointment, and then to pity. "Oh you poor thing," they'd think, "he doesn't love you enough to buy you a ring?" I never meant to offend anyone by not wearing my ring so i would quickly blurt out an apology, and that it's getting resized. They would let out a sigh of relief! "Thank god!" They'd think, "Thank god he loves you as much as that ring cost him!" But they never said that to me. Instead they demanded, "Send me pictures then!" I didn't. To be completely forthright, I only sent K a photo because she wouldn't let it go ;)

So what's with that? What if i don't want to be part of this exclusive girl's engagement ring club? What if my ring is incredibly special to me for so many reasons that have nothing to do with what the "engagement ring" symbolizes in America? What if i want to show my ring off, for what it means to me, but don't know how because of so much that is tied to it? What if engagement rings weren't linked to the amount of love = the amount spent on the ring? That's the exclusive girl's club i want to be a part of. The one where love is judged by commitment, honesty, and mutual respect. I've found some of that on OffBeatBride where i'm meeting more and more women in my position. Sick of what weddings have become and ready to reclaim what truly matters. Ready to be as unconventional, off-beat, non-traditional, and "tacky" as they want to be because it suits them and their relationships. Tip of the hat to you, ladies and gents, you're a pretty cool bunch :)

I apologize for the extremely heteronormative and classist post, i'm sure there will be more to come while we plan our wedding :/

EDIT: I read Feministing everyday, but somehow (and i have no idea how) i missed Jessica's engagement announcement! Check out her post and comment section, lot's of good stuff that i am struggling with as well.

Meet Dov Charney.

2009-01-28T07:25:00.004-05:00

Yes. Please. Let's meet the asshole.

Dov Charney is the CEO of American Apparel. He has also had three sexual harassment lawsuits filed against him just in one year by employees. He also frequently walks around the office in his underwear and makes a habit of calling his female employees, "sluts," because he considers the term to be endearing and a normal part of "welcomed conversation."

I get it, companies need to be edgy to make it these days. But that edge doesn't have to come at the expense of objectifying women. When questioned on it, Charney claims his style isn't a shtik but rather a business model. He urges that, "the financial guys will miss an opportunity if they are offended by superficialities." Superficialities? Hmm, not so much. Putting up a billboard in the middle of Manhattan with an almost nude model bent over, facing the other direction is objectifying. No doubt about it and no superficialities either. And if the billboard itself doesn't bother you, maybe the fact that it was spray painted with, "GEE, I WONDER WHY WOMEN GET RAPED," will. Not that Charney can control what people tag his billboards with but he should hear the message loud and clear. Advertising like his perpetuates a culture of rape and victimization.

So, let's "Meet Dov Charney," the CEO of American Apparel.

The text on his advertisement (top of page) acquainting us reads, "Women initiate most domestic violence, yet out of a thousand cases of domestic violence, maybe one is involving a man. And this has made a victim culture out of women.” Wait, what? Where the hell is he getting his information? Because that's clearly not the case.

Also, since when do CEOs of companies make it a point to appear in the company advertising? And since when are they so creepy. He looks like a rapist and she looks like she's drugged. Not helping your point, Charney.

AA's clothing has gotten such mass approval for being made in "non-exploitative settings." In a way, that's true. Rather than being made in sweatshops overseas like so many other companies, AA clothes are made in an air-conditioned factory in LA and employees are paid a fair wage as well as receive full health benefits. I can't say anything bad about that, it's a shame more companies don't follow in AA's lead in terms of anti-sweatshop labor. But "exploitative" can mean other things, too. Like regularly being sexually harassed at work, being forced to laugh and cheer as your boss runs through the office in his underwear, and being called "slut" as a term of endearment at work.

It's Been a Long Time Coming

2009-01-23T10:26:00.019-05:00

After an inauspicious start to our D.C. journey, my 6 days there left me inspired, exhausted, and hopeful for the future of our country. On our way to catch the bus from NYC, we got a flat in New Haven, sped down the Merritt, and jumped on a train we weren't sure was destined for Grand Central. Thankfully someone replied to my cat-lady like screams, "is this train going to NYC!?!?!!?" and we were on our way, a bit off but that much more determined. Dave and I backpacked through Europe a few summers ago and are used to public transportation. We also lied to almost everyone we met there about being Canadian. We were embarrassed to be U.S. citizens and wanted to avoid the snarky comments and dismissive glances from fellow travelers disappointed with Americans for "re-electing" Bush and invading Iraq. Standing among a sea of people chanting, "O-BA-MA, O-BA-MA" during the inauguration left me proud to be an American and hopeful for a future in which the U.S. is respected and esteemed locally and abroad. Each time the jumbotrons showed our new president, the 2 million people surrounding me on the National Mall cheered, applauded, chanted, and whistled with tears streaming down their faces. America was more than ready for this, we've been craving it.

Inauguration week in D.C. was not a place for those who feel claustrophobic easily. Everywhere we went there were lines, crowds, and people. The metro was jam packed. I took photos on Monday of the escalator in the L'Enfant Plaza metro stop - people were only getting out, going towards the National Mall, no one was coming into the metro at that stop. We didn't even attempt to metro in on Tuesday morning, we walked the 3 miles to the inauguration, attempting to avoid closed streets and excitedly greeting the military personell lining every block in twos. They smiled apprehensively but you can tell everyone was on alert, waiting for something to go down, hopeful it would not. My brother and sister-in-law live in NYC. They called and texted all of Monday about the importance of us having an escape plan, a place we'd meet at least 5 miles out of the city in case of an emergency. A safe place we can walk to, in case we were split up. I'll admit that we were a bit afraid, but the fear never outweighed our excitement and anticipation to experience the most historical and significant event of our lives to date.

We spent Monday fighting through crowds and waiting in lines. Dave and I went to the Holocaust museum because i had only been to the one in Boston and have heard amazing things about the one in DC. I was glad to see sections on Rwanda and Darfur and incredibly moved by the many exhibits on the Jews during and prior WWII. There was a room dedicated specifically to the people who aided Jews during that time, ones who hid neighbors in their attic, took in children as their own, stood up against the hatred. I also gained a new understanding of Jewish as a race/ethnicity. I always felt that being Jewish is more than a religion but had a difficult time intellectualizing or explaining it. Hitler had come up with a system to determine Jewish race. It was a list of characteristics and determinants of blood line. Jewish blood equaled evil blood, thus we became an ethnicity, not just a religion. But i digress... We met two very nice teachers from Tennessee in line for the Holocaust museum, we talked with them about politics, race, economy, Sarah Palin, education, and mostly our hope for a new tomorrow. It was touching how open and genuine everyone around us was. We don't get that much up here in the North East, it was a welcomed change.

We got to the National Mall Tuesday morning around 6:30. Still, we were so far back that all we saw of the Capitol was its silhouette. We didn't mind too much, we made sure to secure a spot near a jumbotron. After the 4 hour wait, everyone was cold, wind blown, and eager to celebrate President Barack Obama get sworn in. The anticipation was palpable. As Reverend Rick Warren took the stage, everyone around me remained polite. Though i heard some distant "boos" most onlookers listened respectively and a few nodded along. The woman in front of me praised the lord in prayer along with the Reverend's words. She raised her hands and let out a cry of "Hallelujah" when he said, "Help us, oh God, to remember that we are Americans, united not by race or religion or blood but by our commitment to freedom and justice for all." Though he would not have been my pick for obvious reasons, his message was much more unifying than i expected. I was grateful for that, i did not want him to ruin this for me like the protesters outside the event tried to with their posters and chants of hatred and intolerance.

The crowd DID "boo," however, each time they showed Bush on the jumbotrons. Was it disrespectful? Sure. Ungrateful? Maybe. But it sure as hell was honest. Each time the screens panned across his face the sea of people broke out in hisses and boos. At one point everyone began singing, "nananana nananana hey hey heyyyy, goodbye."

I suppose it's better that we unite over a positive and beautiful example like President Obama than over our mutual hatred for a man unwilling to apologize for his actions or take responsibility for the circumstances our country is in. Still, the emotion and energy for both is powerful, empowering, and telling of what America is ready for. As President Obama took the oath and gave his speech everyone around me listened silently. The crowd hung onto each word. Nodding, tearing up, and eventually cheering; they began chanting "O-BA-MA! O-BA-MA!"

Needless to say it was a week of emotions. Hope and progress filled the D.C. air and the prospect of a brighter future was on everyone's mind. Though i realize President Obama will not be perfect 100% of the time, and he will make decisions that i disagree with, i do think he is exactly what our country needed. Not to mention he has already made some great calls. As a nation we have been craving a uniting force and a positive example who carries a message of peace, compassion, and hope. I am eager to see what our new administration, with the help of newly empowered Americans, is capable of.

We spent Wednesday walking around D.C. trying to get on TV. We followed around CNN cameras and walked behind newscasters without much luck. Finally we decided to go to the White House and wave to Barack on his first official full day in office, wish him luck if you will. I bought a button outside the White House on our way back to Jackie's. The button was black and white, with photographs of African American leaders. It summed up the week for me perfectly. The text across the top read, "It's been a long time coming."

It sure has.

Leaving for DC!!!

2009-01-16T17:41:00.006-05:00

I am so sorry for my infrequent posts lately! For what it's worth, i'm working on a few great pieces including bullying among girls, future directions of the feminist movement, and tolerance.

BUT first thing's first: I AM LEAVING FOR D.C. TOMORROW MORNING!!! D and I are headed down to stay with my bestest friend, Jackie, for the week.

Will you be at the inauguration? What are your Obama celebration plans, in D.C. or otherwise?

If you see a freezing cold Russian girl in a red coat, say hello ;)

IOU Blog Post

2009-01-08T19:35:00.004-05:00

This isn't a real blog post, it's an IOU... Not sure what i'm talking about? Just ask Schwarzenegger, who's giving out IOUs instead of tax refunds to Californians. Hopefully they can pay their taxes with those IOUs, though i wouldn't count on it.

The Land of Milk and Honey

2009-01-04T17:16:00.005-05:00

There are very few topics that cause similarly minded individuals, like those within progressive movements, to be at an impasse. The topic of Israel and Palestine is a very pertinent one. I’ve written about Israel before but I will admit my knowledge on the subject is far more limited than other bloggers that can better educate you. I will also admit that I have an openly difficult time navigating between my identity as a Jew and my usual pro-peace, anti-war stance. I often wonder whether my perspective would be different if I was not Jewish, if I had not known of friends and loved ones who’s lives were cut short by the Holocaust, if I had not felt so at home during my time in Israel, drunk off the land of milk and honey…

So it hurts, it genuinely and honestly hurts, for me to read the liberal, progressive, and feminist blogs I have grown to love and respect as they now stand firm with Palestine but remained silent when Hamas attacked Israel with over 2000 rockets in the last year (I’m looking at you Huffington Post).

I am scattered and am get testy as I attempt to post responses on various blogs. My comments get shorter and less eloquent, not doing the circumstances justice. I'll try to be concise here. Though I realize doing so might make me unpopular, I think discourse is crucial and hopefully we can all learn from one another. The current and past situations in the Middle East are not black and white. There are a lot of grey areas to consider, a lot of history, and a lot of passion and emotion.

The following are statements from posts and comments that I’ve read on other blogs over the past few weeks. I have responded to some at their place of origin, others I put aside, because they deeply hurt me or because I wanted to give the subject more thought. I would like to respond to many of these here, because like I said, doing it in various places doesn’t do the topic justice from my end.

It’s ok to eliminate Israel, or to give the land to Palestinians, because it was originally founded unethically by removing Palestinians from the land.

Well no, not exactly. Both Jews and Palestinians lived on that land. When the land became Israel, some Palestinians stayed (some did not). The ones that did stay were granted full civil rights as citizens for Israel. Many continue to live there today. The Palestinians that left, or the ones that protest the “land being taken from them” made that choice for themselves. So not only is this a false accusation but also it leaves out a crucial note that Israel was given to the Jews due to a massive religious/ethnic cleansing operation whose goal was to eliminate ALL Jews from the earth. We need to talk about solutions and many people have. From all the reading I have done over the past few days the only thing that makes sense to me is a two-state solution. However, this is something that Israel has been working towards for over 50 years but Palestinians won’t commit because they want Israel and Jews off the map. For good. How can anyone negotiate with that?

Israel has more military force. They should regulate it better and use it less because it is killing innocent children.

Like I said, I’ve always been adamantly pro-peace and anti-war. Each time I read that Israel has responded violently to an act of aggression I get a feeling of fear and sadness in the pit of my stomach. But if we are truly concerned about the innocent children that are being hurt why aren’t we just as angry at the Arabs that intentionally risk the lives of those children? Children are used as martyrs of terrorism, as shields during attacks, and indoctrinated to hate. Mickey Mouse and other cartoons are used as propaganda to teach children to hate and how to make bombs, with nails and straps, which they attach to their bodies. I ask this not to instigate but because I am searching for honest answers: what is an appropriate response to missile attacks against your land that come from Gaza? What should have been the appropriate response from Israel instead? Hamas has gotten us to the current situation we are in. Was Israel attacking the West Bank or Gaza originally? No. Hamas brought this on the Gazans, who I do feel terrible for because innocent people don’t deserve to live in this type of violence and destruction.

Israel is a bully and has never given up anything.

What?! Firstly, Israel gave up Gaza and the West Bank to the Palestinians. Also, in a peace agreement with Syria, Israel was considering giving up the Golan Heights which is not only one of the most beautiful parts of Israel but also would give the owner of the land the height advantage. Syria maintains close ties to Hamas and I hope to hell they don’t end up with the Golan Heights. Seriously, imho, Israel has given up too much already. Let’s not forget Israel is the size of Delaware… I completely understand that Gaza is in a really shitty current situation (that they have made for themselves but that’s another story) – they are living in a territory that depends on Israel for their survival, their food, water, power, etc, which gives Israel a lot of control. That is not a way for an independent people to live. However, every peace agreement that Israel has presented, Hamas has torn up and refused to negotiate new ones. How can any nation coexist with another who wants nothing to do with you and more than just that, wants you gone? Instead, Hamas has allied with Iran and have resorted to underground tunnels that not only smuggle in food and water but also rocket parts and ammunition. Hamas is no Hezbollah but it’s still incredibly scary what rocket parts and mortar shells can do, the destruction they can cause. The range of Hamas weapons has increased dramatically meaning they are getting help from somewhere (ie Iran). In addition to Hamas fighting a war with Israel, other countries are fighting a proxy war with Israel through Hamas. This isn’t fair to anyone, including Hamas and Palestinians who are getting the brunt of all the violence.

And a little something from Dave:

There are no easy answers and no easy targets. What really cooks my noodle is how many one-sided arguments sprout up when hostility resumes in that area. There is a humanitarian crisis and Israel is also defending itself. Dualism in general is a dangerous thought process that shows a lack of mental maturity and an inability to see problems as a larger, more contextual group of details. There are lots and lots of armchair sociologists/war tacticians that seem to know every answer and have the entire intimate inside knowledge of where to place blame. These people are, pardon my verbiage, full of shit. We all have our opinions. Mine is that this conflict is a larger proxy war similar to acts of communist aggression in places like Afghanistan. Iran wants to destroy Israel, but can’t, so it instead provides weaponry to Hamas through a complex series of underground tunnels. It’s a win-win scenario for Iran/Hezbollah/etc… because they can strike Israel and also claim that Israel is a cruel nation that practices genocide on the Palestinian. Meanwhile, where is the humanitarian support for Palestinians for the past 60 years? I know Israel provides lots. Israel also blockades. I’m aware of both. This issue gets only more complex the further you dig. Why can’t Iran/Syria/Lebanon/Egypt/Saudi Arabia/Jordan etc…provide land for Palestinians (check out what happens when you dig into this topic…)? There are so many questions and no easy answers. If you really want to do someone a favor (me), read carefully about this conflict. Don’t assume that someone with a PhD from Yale is right because he/she is a PhD from Yale. Don’t accept obvious bias from people. Get your news from a multitude of sources, and then begin to draw your own conclusions. Finally, realize that for most people who support Israel, that this is difficult. I see mostly two kinds of arguments: 1.) Israel is the heinous aggressor responsible for a multitude of death, famine, and disease…or 2.) I support Israel, but I have problems with how it conducts itself. There are few people that have the luxury of being entirely, 100% behind Israel. So, when I argue for Israel, I have to argue not only against the opinions of those that support argument #1, but also my own internal dialogue. No one is pro-war (except you, Dick Cheney…good riddance).

How Dare I be Jewish During Christmas Time!?

2008-12-23T10:24:00.007-05:00

I stopped by the Christmas Tree Shop yesterday on my way home from work. I thought, "maybe they have a Chanukah corner? Even grocery stores give us a quarter of an aisle..." And they did! They had a whole section of Chanukah stuff and because it was already the second day of the holiday, it was all 50% off! Score. I picked out a few things and went to the cash register. I got in line behind two shoppers, one who asked for a price check that took forever, and one who paid by check. While we waited to pay, the four of us (the cashier and the two other women) were joking around, talking about the craziness of the holidays, the lines, small talk. Then came my turn. As soon as i put my basket down on the counter, the cashier's face and tone completely changed. During the whole wait my basket was on the floor, by my legs, so no one saw what i had. But as soon as i started pulling out Chanukah plates the cashier went from jovial to flat affect and then to rude. It started with an "Oh!"

"Oh what?" I thought. I realize i'm a bit more hyper-sensitive to discrimination than the average person so i thought i might be reading into it. I kept up a friendly demeanor. As she starting ringing up my purchases i realized the items weren't going through as 50% off. I told her so. To which she responded, "Ugh! Of course!" Here i couldn't help but wonder what she meant by "of course." Did she mean, "Of course, you're Jewish, buying Jew products, Jews are cheap, and you want a discount!" Or did she mean "Of course, way to hold up the line, lady!" I would have absolutely defaulted to the latter had i not been in line after the other two shoppers that held the line up for WAY longer than me. One waited on a price check that took 10 minutes and the other paid with a personal check... The cashier's "of course" could have been in reference to customers always having an issue in her line... or it could have been anti-semitic. There's no real way to know.

I told her, "there's a sign, right there, it says '50% off,' i can see it from here"
"I can't see it! I don't have my glasses" She snapped back
"Oh ok, sorry about that... do you think you can ask someone to check, please?" I was half upset at being treated so rudely, half still wondering if i was reading into it more than i should.
She asked the manager to check and wouldn't make eye contact with me while we waited. The manager told her it was, indeed, 50% off and she rung me up. I paid for my purchases and said "Happy holidays" as i walked away. She grunted back, "Merry Christmas!"

Ok, i get it, there are people who think it's all my fault they can't have Christmas trees up in public places and have to wish each other "happy holidays" instead of "merry Christmas." But honestly, living in a predominantly Christian country i am WAY beyond carrying if someone wishes me a "merry Christmas." I don't correct them, i don't wish them a "happy Chanukah" back, and i certainly am not bothered by it. I swear, I don't interfere with your Christmas spirit. I sing along to carols on star 99.9, i wear lots of red, and i really love eggnog. Though i avoid the malls this time of year like the plague, i am very not bothered by Christmas spirit, in fact, i enjoy it when (IF) people are slightly nicer to one another. I wonder if that's what the cashier was annoyed by? That i had the audacity to shop in the Christmas Tree Shop and purchase only Chanukah items! Maybe it wasn't Jews she had a problem with but me, for representing the politically correctidness that she now has to trouble herself with? Who knows. I don't. Because maybe she was just anti-semitic.

Either way, treating me differently, and rudely, for being Jewish was wrong and discriminatory - i don't care what her rationale for it was. I wish i had the chutzpah* to have said something, or to have asked to speak with a manager. But again, i couldn't tell if i was being overly sensitive or if it was prejudice at its best. But i guess that's a lot of what discrimination is. Trying to figure out why what happened is wrong and how to rationalize it.

The only other time i was taken aback by blatant antisemitism was the first week of college, freshman year. We went to the dining hall with some new friends from the floor and one of them told a Holocaust joke. I just sat there, baffled that people still did this. I grew up in a very Jewish community, these types of things didn't happen. Everyone laughed until one of my gentile** friends from high school said, "that's not funny." The person who told the joke said, "yes it is! It's just a joke." And my friend said, "No, it's not. Not when you have a Jewish person sitting at the table, and not ever in general." They never said anything anti-semitic around me again for the four years i knew them.

I walked away from the Christmas Tree Shop experience thinking, "yes that sucked, but it's pretty easy for me to hide being Jewish if i really needed to, like if my life was in danger." Many other minorities don't have this option.

*chutzpah: gall, brazen nerve, effrontery, guts.
**gentile: non-Jewish

2008-12-22T09:03:00.004-05:00

Dear Fellow Highway Drivers,

Please clear the snow and ice off your roof before going on your merry way. Being pummeled by the sheet of ice at 70 miles per hour on I-95 is terrifying (and dangerous). I don't want to die because you're lazy.

Happy Holidays :)
Galina

In Light of International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers

2008-12-17T14:28:00.003-05:00

Sarah made me aware that today is International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers. As such i'd like to repost a comment that a woman made, in regards to how she's been feeling post her attack.

Last week a University of Michigan Law School student sought help from the police after being assaulted by an associate professor at the university, Yaron Eliav.

Not only were the police unsympathetic to her, stating that she herself engaged in criminal activities by selling sex services, but many members of the community have spoken out, against the law student, through Above the Law, a law school online network.

Like Feministe, i think her voice deserves to be heard. She needs a safe forum to speak up and tell her story. No one deserves to be assaulted. Sex workers are human beings with human rights who deserve to be safe, in all situations, whether or not they are engaging in sex work. This is why i am reposting her comment here. I wish her all the best and truly feel for her in this difficult time:

Dear Law School,

I’m the girl who got into the mess with the professor. I posted a version of this in the comments on ATL, because using my uniquename email on lawopen means outing myself, which gives the press permission to publish my name. Fortunately, one of my classmates has offered to transmit this message to you on my behalf. Those of you who don’t know who I am yet will find out soon enough.

Most of you probably don’t know what it’s like to push a boxcutter into your own wrist and neck. Or what it’s like to walk home from the psych ward, and set to the task of cleaning a room covered in your own blood. Or how humiliating and degrading it is to be penetrated against your will. You probably read the newspaper story, but you should know that it contained factual errors, and that it omitted significant details from the police report. I had no idea what I was walking into, and I’m lucky that I’ve made it through alive.

A month after I was assaulted, I attempted suicide over the whole mess. I’ve been unable to sleep or study, for fear of this story being published. I’ve had PTSD rape dreams. Everything I’ve worked for my entire life, personally, academically, professionally, has been harmed, and I’ve spent $20,000 trying to put it all right again. And I have, in fact, been prosecuted and will be required to pay a debt to society. All I can hope is that the bar will see that this was an aberrant moment in the life of a severely depressed, suicidal, isolated person.

Reading some of your comments makes me want to go crawl under a rock and never come out. But some of your comments have made me think that maybe I can show my face again. It’s difficult reading all of these things written about me without being able to offer an explanation/defense/vignette:

I worked my way through undergrad on my own, doing crazy hours on top of a full course-load. In fact, I’ve worked every kind of menial, low-paid job since I was 15; I’ve never thought I was above any kind of work, or better than anyone else I worked with, because we were all there together. But last semester I’d been so depressed that I could barely even get myself to class, let alone keep up with my finances. In April I realized I couldn’t pay the rent for May, and my parents weren’t an option. Nor was anyone else, because there weren’t really very many people in my life at that time. The housing crisis made it so that I couldn’t get an additional loan without a co-signer. I should have found some other way, but at the time none of my thoughts were very healthy.

I love the law just as much as you do, and I like to think about the ways that it shapes the world we live in. I watch a lot of movies, and go to the gym when I can. I have dear friends at other law schools who I try to keep in touch with. I’m a quiet, introverted, sensitive person; I think I’ve read every post on lawopen and ATL, and taken them all very personally. I used to be a proud atheist, but now I know that God saved my life the night I tried to take it. I also know that God kept the man in that hotel room from killing me, because he was completely out-of-control.

I went to the police the following morning because my vision was blurred from having been hit in the face. The bruises from his belt didn’t go away for a week. I later found out that this man had targeted other sex workers, making him a serial sexual sadist. Violent men target sex workers because they know sex workers are isolated, fearful, and ashamed, and won’t go to the police.

Going to the police seems like a stupid move, as many of you have pointed out. But I was afraid for the next woman he “contracted with.” And I felt so worthless and used that I didn’t care about throwing everything I’d ever worked for. I felt so terrible, and I thought that the police would make it right… that’s what the justice system is about, right?

It’s clear to me now that the AAPD thinks this is funny. That’s why they’re not going through with the assault charge.

What I did was wrong, and I’m a criminal for having done it. But if this had been any other misdemeanor like drug use/possession, DUI, public intoxication, open container, gambling, vandalism, petty theft, or simple assault, there wouldn’t have been a two-page article in the paper. And if you got rid of all of the lawyers who had done one of the above at some point, there’d be a severe shortage.

I also feel compelled to say that despite what many of you have expressed, I am not disease-ridden; my lifetime number is still under 20. I consider myself to be well-informed in the area of reproductive rights and health, and I think everyone has a responsibility to inform their partners of their sexual history, not just sex workers. I’m recently tested, and I don’t have AIDS, herpes, Hep B, syphilis, the clap, or chancroid. And I don’t judge those people who have contracted an STD at some point, because if you’re not a virgin, you take a calculated risk every time you have sex. If you have had sex with more than one person and you don’t have a viral STD, it’s because you’re lucky.

I’m not writing because I want pity. I’m writing because the future lawyers who read this need to understand that the answer is seldom ‘yes’ or ‘no,’ but often ‘it depends.’ Good people do bad things sometimes, for a variety of reasons. The reason we have ‘bright line’ rules is because there is so much gray out there. And it’s only through compassion and understanding that anyone is able to make sense of it all. My crime was a cry for help.

Finally, I wish to apologize for having brought negative attention to this prestigious law school. But I expect that every amazing thing you do will outshine my mistake- it really is an honor to be a member of such an accomplished community of people. I hope that you won’t shun me, or completely expel me from social/academic/service life at the University. Many seem to think about this as if it were some complicated hypothetical on a Torts exam. But, I’m still the same girl you knew before. And right now I’m struggling with the reality of public humiliation. I haven’t directly talked to any of you about this because I imagine some of you will want to distance yourselves from me, and I don’t wish to impose myself upon you; I don’t really know who I can still call a friend, but I’ll find out soon enough.

- That 2L Girl (’A’ & ‘384′ on ATL)

That's So Gay PSA

2008-12-14T11:20:00.004-05:00

"When you say 'that's so gay' do you realize what you say? Knock it off."

I was watching Degrassi reruns this morning (don't judge me) and this public service announcement came on. I was really glad to see it.

Dave wrote a guest post here last winter about gender roles and "that's so gay" being used as a negative, i'm glad people are starting to finally listen.

Just please don't read the comments. I realize that youtube comments shouldn't be taken seriously but most of the ones for this video are about the PSA being "so gay." And those are the comments that have +'s next to them. The one comment that resonated with me was:

"This gave me so much hope. People never think about the ways that we (queer youth) get hurt when we hear peers say "that's so gay" like it's something bad or wrong or gross."

However, that comment has a few -'s by it...

Seriously, ya'll better knock it off.

Friday Feel Good: Target Women

2008-12-12T14:13:00.005-05:00

I'm having a bad day today. But Sarah Haskins always cheers me up :) I should have known better than to watch this while drinking my coffee, i literally choked and almost spit up on my keyboard at the journalist joke! As someone who makes and sells jewelry, i found this Target Women especially hilarious!! Thanks, Sarah, for always brightening my day!! :)

With that said, wanna buy her (or yourself) some jewelry? ;)

Friday Feel Good: Racism is Over!

2008-12-05T10:12:00.004-05:00

Woohoo!

And, since i missed my 1 year "blogiversary" back in November, i'll pretend it's today and link you to a post i wrote exactly one year ago. Last year today i took on a MRNer* - this was before i learned not to engage trolls :)

Because it's Friday, let's make this into a meme. As such, i'll challenge some fellow bloggers to answer this question:

What did you blog about last year at this time, and is it still relevant?

Sarah, Lindsay & Amelia, Renee, Habladora, Earlgreyrooibos, Professor, Sally, and Kandee, Have at it ladies!! :)

Happy Friday!!

*"Male Rights Network"

Gorgeously Green: A Book Review

2008-12-01T18:22:00.006-05:00

It's been a while since i last wrote a substantive post. I can make tons of excuses for the lack of time (finishing grad school applications, fulfilling holiday orders, trying to get to the dogpark before dark) but non are really good enough. Activism doesn't wait and though my life is full of hobbies, projects, and activities, this blog is by far my favorite and most important. I have no excuse for not making it a priority. Now, onto that substantive post i promised... riiiiiight

I got a book for my birthday. And I read it. Cover to cover. Though that was an extremely difficult feat. This wasn't just any book but a ridiculous joke of a book that teaches women how to be "gorgeously green" while they do all those tough girly things like picking out lipstick, buying groceries, gardening, making dinner, and picking out that "hot new outfit!" I kid you not, those are the chapters... Because obviously women have no real agency other than the trite pursuits of Stay-at-Home-Barbie. Don't get me wrong, i am all about reclaiming femininity in a "gorgeously green" way but when a book teaches me that the ONLY focus women should have on eco-consciousness are stereotypically feminine activities, i can't help but fume.

I got all the way through the third paragraph of the introduction before i understand how much i would despise this book:

"Women like me tend to be more interested in their compact than their compost. We never forget a hair appointment yet always forget our reusable tote... Yoga and recycling were as far down the environmental food chain as i was willing to go. There was no way that i was going to stop dyeing my hair and painting my nails; and my gas-guzzling SUV was just fine, thank you very much!... But I felt too lazy to walk down the hall to the recycling bin - well, a girl needs to conserve her energy for the really important things in life, like sitting down in front of the TV to find out who has been voted off the island..." and on she went...

I instantly knew this book was not for women like me.

I get that she's trying to be cutesy (or at least i pray to god that's what she's doing) but i hate it all. I hate the tone, i hate the impression that women should relate to her, and i hate the lack of genuine responsibility women are empowered to claim in our planet. I also hate that she continuously refers to women as "you girls."

Like i said, this book was a birthday gift... so i kept reading. Truth be told, the content got *a bit* better, but the tone remained the same. I quickly realized it was just this cutesy, inane, benevolently sexist tone that made me want to punch her in the face, even though i understand violence that is never the answer...

Aside from the tone, her constant contradictions and lack of basic grammar made me want to suffocate myself with a cloth tote (don't worry, cloth is too porous). She instructs "us girls" to stay away from certain ingredients only to recommend products with those ingredients as safe solutions. On her website she rationalizes this hypocritical writing by telling us that there are "shades of green" and you don't have to be totally "granola crunch green" if it doesn't fit into your lifestyle... Also, she mentions avoiding the microwave so to not molecularly alter her food but later writes that microwaves are the most eco-friendly way to cook because they use the least amount of energy. The last contradiction i'll mention is her recommendation for bamboo clothing, which must travel hundreds of miles, wasting an unnecessary amount of fossil fuels, before it reaches her white picket fenced doorstep.

I especially hated this book for the incredibly privileged angle from which it was written. She suggests $80 skin moisturizer bottles and 2 ounces of an organic perfume at $775. Seriously? There must be more fiscally responsible solutions for green cosmetics. In fact, there are. Combine her white/class privilege, erroneous writing skills, and vast contradictions and you've got yourself a D+ self help book...

I hate it even more because she succeeds in making a complete mockery out of the genuinely "granola crunch green" way my partner and i try to live our lives.

Yet, this post is a great opportunity to link to The Story of Stuff.

Favorite Feminist Quotes

2008-11-25T08:54:00.005-05:00

I am following in Amelia's lead and asking for tattoo idea help ;) I'm looking to get another tat, this one i want to be text. What's your favorite feminist/equality quote? Or inspirational quote about equal rights, activism, strength, or progress...

I'm looking for something meaningful but on the shorter side, i can't tattoo a whole novel on my foot ;)

Leave your quotes and suggestions in comments!! Thanks in advance for your help :)

Donald Duck v. Chuck Norris

2008-11-20T10:16:00.005-05:00

Floridians (is that a real term?) strongly preferred Hilary Clinton as president (234 votes) over Jesus (23 votes). Also, Donald Duck beat out Chuck Norris (3 votes to 2), which i highly doubt is accurate b/c Chuck Norris can pretty much kick anyone's ass ;)

See more results at Feminist Law Professors

Friday Feel Good: Humor Me Edition :)

2008-11-19T07:41:00.004-05:00

Humor me, pretend it's last Friday (i know, i know i'm a slacker). I'm even more of a slacker because i got this email from my friend Mark on Saturday and STILL waited until today to post...

"I know you've posted a lot of happy news lately - Obama winning, the global gag rule to be lifted, gay marriages in Connecticut - but I still think there should be a feel good Friday. I thought this one might do."

Congratulations CT Newly Weds ;)

2008-11-12T14:01:00.000-05:00

May your lives together be filled with love, happiness, and health :)
via.

NEW HAVEN — Bunches of white balloons and giant sprays of long-stemmed red roses festooned City Hall here Wednesday morning, as one of the eight couples who successfully sued the state to allow same-sex marriage became the first to obtain a marriage license as the law took effect.

“Today, Connecticut sends a message of hope and promise to lesbian and gay people throughout the country who want to be treated as equal citizens by their government,” said Ben Klein, a lawyer with Gay and Lesbian Advocates and Defenders, a Boston group that litigated the Connecticut case. “It is living proof that marriage equality is moving forward in this country.”

Sarah Palin is Stalking Me!

2008-11-12T11:04:00.004-05:00

... How else would she have known that i wrote this post about her while in my pajamas, and from my parent's basement?! The others were written from my own home, or from work (during my lunch break, of course), and surely not in my pajamas... teehee ;)

Which of your Palin Posts were written in your PJs or from your parents' basements?! Leave links to them in comments :)

Olbermann: Gay Marriage is a Question of Love

2008-11-11T12:04:00.007-05:00

If you watch nothing else today, please watch this:

My favorite part:

With so much hate in the world, with so much meaningless division, and people pitted against people for no good reason, this is what your religion tells you to do? With your experience of life and this world and all its sadnesses, this is what your conscience tells you to do?

With your knowledge that life, with endless vigor, seems to tilt the playing field on which we all live, in favor of unhappiness and hate... this is what your heart tells you to do? You want to sanctify marriage? You want to honor your God and the universal love you believe he represents? Then Spread happiness—this tiny, symbolic, semantical grain of happiness—share it with all those who seek it.

via season of the bitch

Undoing Some of the Damage

2008-11-10T09:08:00.006-05:00

The new Obama administration has put together a list of over 200 policies and executive orders that they hope will begin to undo some of the damage the Bush administration has caused. They hope this will begin to move our country into a more progressive direction. These new actions include administration on climate change, stem cell research, and reproductive rights to mention a few. The one that is especially exciting to me is President-elect Obama's commitment to lifting the "global gag rule" that Bush reinstated on his first day in office in January 2001. The gag rule bars speech and action in reproductive health and endangers women's lives.

THIS is exactly why we elected him!

For more steps in the right direction, see this article in the NYT.

Friday Feel Good: Election Night Moments

2008-11-08T08:00:00.006-05:00

I've teared up a lot over the past few days... this progression of photos does it to me every time.

Via, h/t Brandi ;)

"Yes We Did!"

2008-11-05T07:37:00.010-05:00

In June i wrote about a new sense of patriotism. Last night, tearful and hopeful, i watched Barack Obama become elected 44th president of the United States of America. I watched democracy work. I watched hope and change lead the nation to make history. I watched people come together to celebrate a new beginning for our country. I watched elderly black Americans break down in tears because they remember a much different time. I watched children, waving American flags on their parents' shoulders, cheering, "yes we did!" I watched Barack Obama address the nation as our first African American president.

Obama represents more than diversity to our nation. Though his commitment to diversity and equality is key. He represents a different way. Obama became elected through grass roots organizing, youth empowerment, first time voters making their voices heard, and lifelong voters realizing it was time for a change.

He is an incredible symbol for America. One of hope, change, and democracy. Obama shows the rest of the world that the American people are not content being associated with the past 8 years. That the people can make a difference. That we can (and did!) determine the course of history. That we can be trusted to elect a leader to represent us as a nation.

I teared up here:

It's the answer told by lines that stretched around schools and churches in numbers this nation has never seen, by people who waited three hours and four hours, many for the first time in their lives, because they believed that this time must be different, that their voices could be that difference.

It's the answer spoken by young and old, rich and poor, Democrat and Republican, black, white, Hispanic, Asian, Native American, gay, straight, disabled and not disabled. Americans who sent a message to the world that we have never been just a collection of individuals or a collection of red states and blue states.

We are, and always will be, the United States of America.

President Elect Barack Obama, that is precisely the reason i campaigned and voted for you. Your commitment to diversity and equality, to change, and to a better and more hopeful tomorrow. Thank you. And um, get to work, because there is A LOT to be done ;)

Thank you everyone who went door to door, who educated their parents and grandparents, who blogged, who spoke up against racism, who volunteered by phone, who stood up against their own party, who handed out flyers, who educated themselves on the issues, who donated money, who stood in lines and in rain to make their voices heard. Thank you. You not only helped get Obama elected president, but also a government that is incredibly conducive to Obama's policies. One in which Obama should be able to accomplish all the instrumental things for which we elected him. And one in which Vice President Elect Joe Biden can work for the issues he's been committed to over the past three decades.

This feels like one of those "where were you when" moments that i am savoring to tell future generations. This is where i was when we elected President Barack Obama. I wasn't just there, but i helped make it happen.

My Proud Lapel

2008-11-04T20:54:00.001-05:00

PUPPIES! (because i needed a break...)

2008-11-04T11:12:00.006-05:00

Can you guess how D and I campaigned for Obama yesterday?

We didn't go door to door. We didn't make phone calls to undecided voters. We didn't even pass out flyers...

We took Beans (our plott hound/beagle mix) to the dog-park and taught him to excitedly bark every time we said "Obama."

Some people thought it was hilarious and cute... others got annoyed. But we LOVED it:

It went something like this:

"Beans, do you want Obama to be our next president?"
BARK BARK BARK BARK!!
"Beans, what about McCain?"
(nothing)
"Do you like Joe Biden?"
BARK BARK BARK BARK!!
"How about Sarah Palin?"
(nothing)

Puppies are the greatest! For a nice break from the election madness and for some canine cuteness, check out these pups supporting Obama :)

And here's Beans, giving you his sad puppy eyes to guilt you into voting for Obama: "BARK BARK BARK BARK!!!"

Also, via:

If the Election Was Run by Dogs

10. Vote tabulation has to be restarted every time someone spots a squirrel.

9. Lots of growling whenever someone mentions that McCain is a vet.

8. Entire election thrown into chaos when it’s alleged that thousands of voters *appeared* to throw ballots into box but actually just hid them behind their backs.

7. Voters even more easily distracted by butterfly ballots.

6. Spaying and neutering drastically reduces number of pregnant chads.

5. “Exit Polling” just a fancy name for butt sniffing.

4. In Pit Bull County, hand counts are taken literally.

3. “Mr. Candidate, please respond to the question: Do you wanna go to the park? Huh? Huh? Wanna catch the ball?”

2. No difference at all: Either way, you end up with a steaming pile of democracy!

1. Finding ballots too confusing? Time to put voter to sleep.

Limited Time Offer: Rape Kits on Sale!

2008-11-03T09:17:00.005-05:00

Thanks to reader, Bobbi, for sending me this video with the following message:

"Made me angry, made me laugh...made me ready to vote on Tuesday"

Bobbi, i couldn't agree with you more! Video below shows the ridiculousness of Palin's legislation in Wasilla that required rape survivors to pay for their own rape kits, costing $1,200:

Just In Case

2008-11-03T07:56:00.005-05:00

In case you are turned away tomorrow, and told you are unable to vote for whatever reason, make sure you ask for a provisional ballot:

A provisional ballot is used to record a vote when there is some question in regards to a given voter's eligibility. A provisional ballot would be cast when:

* The voter refuses to show a photo ID (in regions that require one)
* The voter's name does not appear on the electoral roll for the given precinct.
* The voter's registration contains inaccurate or out-dated information such as the wrong address or a misspelled name.
* The voter's ballot has already been recorded

Don't let them turn you away from the polls. If your eligibility is questioned, make sure to fill out a provisional ballot. This way, your vote will be counted upon verification of your eligibility. The Help America Vote Act passed in 2002, guaranteed voters provisional ballots if they believed they were eligible to vote. I recently changed my address but my driver's license still has my old address so i became nervous that i'd be turned away, this way i know i still have a right to vote...

Also, ONLY IN CT AND RI, if you are not registered to vote but still want to vote for president, you can. Only Connecticut and Rhode Island permit a resident who is not a registered voter to use the presidential ballot. You'll have to go to your local town hall and ask to vote in the presidential election by casting your vote on the presidential ballot.

ETA: Minnesota has same-day registration as well :)

Also, if you're voting in CT: VOTE "NO" ON QUESTION ONE!!!

Obama IS NOT Muslim

2008-11-02T14:39:00.006-05:00

Ok i get it, when people are afraid they don't hear logic. It's difficult to be rational, however intelligent you may be, when you are at your core scared over something you are passionate about. I am sure i've been there. I am sure i've been my fair share of stubborn and irrational when faced with something that i felt threatened my core beliefs. I may think i'm progressive and open-minded but when i feel my beliefs, and my rights, are endangered, i find it just as hard as anyone else to stay calm, think through information reasonably, and move forward with logic. This is why i don't take the matter of Obama and Israel lightly. I realize it's caused a few rifts within my family, i realize a lot of my Jewish friends think i am crazy for avidly supporting Obama, and i realize there are people out there that have and will continue to accuse me of being anti-Israel by being pro-Obama... but this is exactly why i won't let it go. I need to say more about the issue, because 2 days before the election it's of utmost importance that everyone realizes Obama is not, and never has been, "a threat to Israel."

I read yesterday that though the Jewish vote has been predictably democratic in past elections, this year it was looking grim. I am confident that the Obama's supposed religious affiliation and his race are at the root of those statistics. But here is the ironic thing: OBAMA IS NOT MUSLIM.

Before i go on, i do have to say that i REALIZE even if Obama WAS Muslim, his religion shouldn't matter... but because i know it DOES matter to some Jews who aren't voting for him because of it, i am stuck here, having to ridiculously justify his Christianity when i know by doing so i am being just as discriminatory as they are. ("They" are those who are not voting for him on the basis of religion.)

Frankly, it is just as wrong to not elect Obama on the basis of his religion as it is to not elect him on the basis of his skin color. Voting for or against a candidate because of their religion is ludicrous. What ever happened to the separation of church and state? What ever happened to electing candidates based on their platform, not based on who they pray to? Obama's platform is very much PRO-ISRAEL. But because i realize Obama's presumed Muslim affiliation is an incredibly important point for Jews, i won't debate the fact that it SHOULDN'T matter anymore. Because it shouldn't, but it does. I won't appeal to people's sense of logic any more by explaining that to not elect a qualified presidential candidate on the basis of his religion is just as discriminatory as to hate Jews for being Jewish... I won't be rational anymore, because it doesn't seem to work. Instead i'll go on the defensive for a second and explain that Obama is not Muslim.

Here's the other thing... does it ever make you feel like like people want to hate Obama because he's black but can't because it's not socially acceptable? So instead they accuse him of being Muslim, because right now, being Islamaphobic is not only tolerated, but perpetuated.

So, let me for a second, pretend Obama's religion DOES matter, i'll reiterate: OBAMA IS NOT MUSLIM and to not vote for him because of an erroneous belief that he is, well, is stupid and naive.

Also, check out these two great articles.

(can you tell i'm a bit frustrated with all this?)

Friday Feel Good: Halloween Baby Cuteness

2008-10-31T10:31:00.016-04:00

I'm putting my disdain of FOX News on hold for today to bring you a photo of my baby nephew, Judah, and sister-in-law, Lindsay, featured on Janice Dean's Blog. Let's hope Judah's stint on FOX doesn't determine his future partisanship :)

Judah's dressed up as a little turkey, how cute is that?! :) The photos were taken at a "first Halloween" babies costume event that Lindsay organized. I am so proud of Linds who's been planning amazing events for the "summer moms of Park Slope" group. Really great things from baby CPR to meetings in the park. The group has grown to include over 80 new parents! Being a new parent can be just as daunting as it is exciting and having a social network to experience the ups and downs with is crucial. I'm so proud of Linds for providing this type of support to all the new parents involved! Other babies at the "first Halloween party" dressed as pea pods, lobsters, penguins, super baby, a free range chicken!

Happy Halloween :)

I considered going as Sarah Palin but decided that was far too scary, even for this holiday ;) Instead i'll be going as Angela from The Office, blond wig and all! (Though the only wig i could find was the "Hannah Montana" wig...)

Israelis For Obama

2008-10-30T10:14:00.006-04:00

Some of my most intelligent relatives and friends are fearful of Obama because they believe he’s a "threat to Israel." I’ve explained policies, misconceptions, and scare tactics to them with no success. The video below is incredibly moving. Please share it with everybody you know and especially every Jewish person you have ever heard question Obama’s commitment to Israel.

I've written and joked about this in the past, but now it's time to get emotional to appeal to those of you i haven't yet...

I watched this video through tear-filled eyes. I saw courage in the faces of the Israeli citizens and heard hope in their voices. The Jewish people of Israel are ready for change just as much as we, Americans, are.

Let's get Obama elected.

(video via Crucial Minutiae)

Vote "NO"

2008-10-30T09:43:00.006-04:00

Here are some important videos and links for voters in various states:

Colorado and South Dakota (but EVERYONE should watch this video):

Oppose Bill C-484, "Unborn Victims of Crime Act"

Connecticut:
Vote NO on Question 1 - Lindsay beat me to writing this post :) More info here and here

California:
Vote NO on 4 and 8, here for more

I'll update this as i find more info for various states...

Last Day to Register to Vote in CT

2008-10-28T07:28:00.001-04:00

Today is the last day to register to vote in CT so if you haven't already, please register today! You'll have to go in person but the offices are open until 8pm tonight. Be the change you want to see in the world, vote.

Friday Feel Good: Season of Giving

2008-10-24T12:03:00.005-04:00

(This should have been posted yesterday, sorry about that)

I heard on NPR this morning that groups who serve the community are especially struggling right now, since Americans are terrified to open their wallets to donations more than ever. I don't blame them, it's difficult to donate money to charity when you're not sure how much gas will cost tomorrow and whether you'll be able to pay your mortgage or rent this month.

I wanted to write a post about how good it feels to donate. Since starting my jewelry shop in August, I have been able to donate $200 to The Center for Women and Families of Eastern Fairfield County and am writing another check today for $150. Honestly, i couldn't do this out of my pocket. So i took up jewelry making. I donate 50% of my earnings to the organization and am incredibly grateful for all my costumers who purchase the jewelry knowing half their money will go to such a great cause. It enables me to engage in activism through giving money and also serves as a creative outlet. I love to craft so this really was a perfect match for me. I realize i'm shamelessly self promoting right now but i wanted to remind everyone to give, especially now, because there will always be someone out there who has less than you, no matter how little it is you have.

Please feel free to browse my shop for holiday gift ideas: designsbygalina.etsy.com :)

Where do you give, especially around the holidays? Do you donate money? Food? Your time?

Sarah Palin is a Liar and Rachel Maddow is Incredibly Hot and Talented...

2008-10-23T13:09:00.004-04:00

Ok, so what? I have a secret crush...

Maddow asks: "Are we in an alternate universe or is she?!"

Sarah Palin's Hypocrisy & Unnecessary Spending

2008-10-23T09:17:00.006-04:00

I may be a little late on this but it looks like Sarah Palin installed a tanning bed at the governor's mansion shortly after she took office in 2007. Now, normally i wouldn't think much of this because even though i choose to stay away from the fake and bake, cancer causing, boxes, who am i to judge, ya know? But unless Palin was suffering from SAD (seasonal affective disorder), installing a tanning bed was both hypocritical and fiscally irresponsible. For someone who claims to do away with unnecessary spending, purchasing something that can cost "up to $35,000 to install in a home, not including parts" is prodigal.

The other irony in all this is "Palin declared May 2007 to be Skin Cancer Awareness Month in Alaska. In the press release, it read, 'Skin cancer is caused, overwhelmingly, by over-exposure to ultraviolet radiation from the sun and from tanning beds.'"

Then again, it's really no surprise that Palin is both a hypocrite and fiscally irresponsible based on the $150,000 she spent on a campaign wardrobe and makeover.

As Racist as Ever...

2008-10-16T12:56:00.005-04:00

To those of you who think we're living in a post-racist nation. Think again. America is still filled with hatred, fear, and most definitely, racism.

Apparently Obama is a "second stringer" because he is black and Palin will make a good VP because she is filled with "the holy spirit."

Some of the other things said about Obama?

"I'm afraid if he wins, the blacks will take over"

"This is a Christian nation! What is our country going to end up like?!"

"When you got a nigger running for president, he aint a first stringer. He's definitely a second stringer."

"He's related to a known terrorist"

"Just the whole... Muslim thing... and everything..."

"Obama and his wife, i'm concerned that they are anti-white and that he might hide that"

"I don't like the fact that he thinks us white people are trash"

"Baby killer"

Thanks Maggie for sending this video along. As difficult as it is to watch, it's important to see...

Street Harassment Survey

2008-10-14T11:29:00.002-04:00

Cross posted here by request, Please Take the Street Harassment Survey!

One of the problems with street harassment is that it has been so rarely researched and written about. I recently had brunch with Holly Kearl, who is currently writing a book about street harassment. Rock on girl.

Help her out by completing this quick online survey about street harassment:
https://www.surveymonkey.com/s.aspx?sm=2zNzxBfuyVVLMKcoXoEtjQ_3d_3d

The more folks who take it, the more accurate it is, the more that changes in the world. Hollaback survey-style!

Survey via

Friday Feel Good: CT Equalizes Same Sex MARRIAGE!!!

2008-10-10T15:01:00.002-04:00

Today i am proud to be a CT resident! The Connecticut Supreme Court just ruled that the state will now allow same-sex couples to marry. That's right, MARRY :) We're now the third state allowing gay marriage (along with Massachusetts and California).

The divided court ruled 4-3 that gay and lesbian couples cannot be denied the freedom to marry under the state constitution, and Connecticut's civil unions law does not provide those couples with the same rights as heterosexual couples.

"Interpreting our state constitutional provisions in accordance with firmly established equal protection principles leads inevitably to the conclusion that gay persons are entitled to marry the otherwise qualified same sex partner of their choice," Justice Richard N. Palmer wrote in the majority opinion that overturned a lower court finding. "To decide otherwise would require us to apply one set of constitutional principles to gay persons and another to all others," Palmer wrote.

Gov. M. Jodi Rell said Friday that she disagreed, but will not fight the ruling. "The Supreme Court has spoken," Rell said in a statement. "I do not believe their voice reflects the majority of the people of Connecticut. However, I am also firmly convinced that attempts to reverse this decision, either legislatively or by amending the state Constitution, will not meet with success."

More info here.

Dear John McCain, You Are NOT "My Friend"

2008-10-08T08:17:00.009-04:00

Dear Senator John McCain,

First and foremost, you are NOT my friend. Addressing me as such 19 times* does not change the fact that you creep me out a great deal, i disagree with you on a core level, and if you are elected president i fear for your health mostly because Governor Palin is no where close to ready to lead our country. I also would like to give you some advice. When asked a debate question, please try to respond to said question rather than ramble on in an accusatory and condescending tone. Also, be a bit more careful with your "jokes." Mostly because they all came off as bitter and hostile. A joke that fell especially short was the one in which you laughed about needing hair transplants in relation to health coverage. This is not funny because while you may only have to worry about your balding scalp, others have actual, substantial, health concerns that they cannot afford to treat. Also, addressing Senator Obama as "that one" is incredibly patronizing, and may even come off as racist (which of course you are not, right? wink wink). I would also like to offer some math guidance: a "first" priority means that it is number one on the list so when you said, "I can tell you right now the security of your young men and women who are serving in the military are my first priority right after our nation's security" you were a bit mistaken because that would make it your second, not first, priority. Also, the correct grammar is "is my first priority" because you are referring to security and priority which are both singular nouns, not "are my first priority." Lastly, you excitedly stated, "I'll get Osama bin Laden, my friends. I'll get him. I know how to get him." What exactly did you mean by this? Because if you know where Osama bin Laden is and how to capture him it seems a bit unpresidential of you not to speak up sooner. I realize that "debating" and running a presidential campaign must challenging work and as such i would like to end on a positive note. I was very glad to see that you are able to pronounce "nuclear" correctly, unlike Bush or Palin.

Sincerely,
Galina

wow, writing this made me feel significantly better... who knew? :)

*all direct quotes and "my friends" count via CNN transcript

ETA: Habladora signed on, anyone else in? Don't worry i won't accidentally send him this letter... or will i? hehehehe...

Friday Feel Good: Shana Tova!

2008-10-03T21:43:00.002-04:00

Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year, was this week. The days between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur are arguably the most important days in Judaism. They are a time to introspect, make amends for the year's mistakes, and plan the changes you want to see in your life for the year to come. This time is called the Days of Awe. Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur are significantly more imporant holidays than Hannukah, even though most people don't realize this since Hannukah is so close to Christmas.

Enough with the lesson in Judiasm. I wanted to post a quick story that was passed out at services to help you reflect a bit this week as well.

When I was in 8th grade, Mr. Ben Yudin, my comparative religion teacher extraordinaire, asked the class a question. "What are the four words you can say on any occasion?" The answer was, "This too shall pass."

I remember telling my father that night that I would never walk up to a bride and say, "Congratulations, this too shall pass." My father replied that it's precisely the couples who understand that the exhilaration of their wedding day will pass, who go on to have good marriages.

Since then, those four words have become a sort of mantra in my life. "This too shall pass" has gotten me through periods of stress, sadness, even excruciating physical pain. But lately, as the harried working mother of two, I have begun to really understand the value of these words for the joyous occasions, especially those easily missed moments - my son waking from sleep and curling his warm body into my lap; my daughter's face when I come home from work. "This too shall pass," whispers that voice in my ear. Turn off the cell phone, put down the paper, and just be.

Sarah Palin, Meet Dick Cheney... Oh Wait

2008-10-02T13:15:00.002-04:00

I am newly obsessed with Rachel Maddow, and here's why:

The Great Schlep

2008-10-01T16:24:00.004-04:00

At first i thought this was a joke. Mostly because i find it impossible to take Sarah Silverman seriously. But The Great Schlep is completely legit... although more than a bit ageist, racist, and stereotypical, it may just help get Obama's message out there...

"The Great Schlep aims to have Jewish grandchildren visit their grandparents in Florida, educate them about Obama, and therefore swing the crucial Florida vote in his favor. Don’t have grandparents in Florida? Not Jewish? No problem! You can still become a schlepper and make change happen in 2008, simply by talking to your relatives about Obama."

There are even talking points! (pdf file)

Anyways, watch The Great Schlep here:

Follow Up to my Sexism Masked as Tradition Post

2008-10-01T10:51:00.003-04:00

Back in July I wrote about a coworker who was upset with his wife for being pregnant with a girl. I wrote how unfortunate it was for him to be disappointed with his future daughter before she's even born and at his wife for something that the sperm have more "control" over than the egg. I also wrote about the degree of sexism that still exists (in my peers no less!) masked as "tradition."

Today this same coworker's client came into their counseling session with a new baby boy. In the hallway (right outside my door), the counselor said, "Congrats on having a boy!" to his client. The client replied, "I heard you are a new dad too, congrats to you as well." The counselor explained, "Nah man, no congrats here. I had a girl. I wish i had a boy. I just shot and missed, ya know? haha. Hopefully next time."

I thought after his daughter was born he'd change his tune. Nope, guess not. Poor girl.

Which is Funnier?

2008-09-29T07:59:00.005-04:00

I can't decide which is funnier, or which is more scary... Maybe you can help?

Actual CBS interview, Sarah Palin and Katie Couric:

SNL skit of Palin/Couric interview, Tina Fey and Amy Poehler:

Friday Feel Good: Celebrating ME! :)

2008-09-26T21:34:00.013-04:00

Today is my birthday :) So i'm going to write about myself for a bit. I'm usually pretty modest but i wanted to take today to explain what i've been up to this summer, where i have disappeared lately, and why i won't be dedicating as much time as i wish i could to the blogosphere over the next few months.

I rarely disclose personal info here but i wanted to share a little so bear with me :) Firstly, as much as i love the fall, i can't let go of summer just yet so here are a few photos from my last few months.

Puerto Rico for the CPDD conference:

Michigan for family vacation:

Lots of camping with hot and tired puppies who needed to dig holes to stay cool :)

My nephew, Judah Asher, a few days after he was born :)

and me competing in and completing my first TRIATHLON! Swim, Bike, Run, FINISH!!!!

(yes i realize i need to get back into the weight room and start lifting again... i had to focus on lots and lots of cardio the past few months for training but i can't wait to bulk up a bit more again!)

Ok... Did you feel like you were watching your grandparents' slide show of an old family vacation?

This fall will be tough. I am working on applying to graduate schools - specifically ones that are in line with the work i hope to do within activism. It has been difficult to find faculty that conduct feminist research or research from a feminist perspective and conventional clinical psychology programs have not been too welcoming of my interests. I'm looking for programs committed to multiculturalism and diversity and ones that examine discrimination's effects on mental health and well being. Hopefully i will find a great fit and be in a whole new place in my life next fall.

Thanks for bearing with me as i blog less over the next few months, i promise i will be back on my game in January, once the application process is over. Don't worry though, my Google Reader is always on and i will be keeping up with all of your blogs!

Now back to the presidential debates (what a fun way to celebrate my birthday! haha) My favorite thing so far has been watching McCain fumble over any non-English word/name he tries to say...

The Truth Will Set You Free

2008-09-17T13:35:00.007-04:00

I realize that campaign ads by nature are designed to be extreme, shocking, and sometimes stretch the truth. The thing is, we don't need to lie or use extreme tactics when campaigning against the GOP since stating the facts is shocking and outrageous enough.

If you have some time, watch these videos. They're all short but you'll gain a whole new perspective on the "straight talk express."

The last video is terrific but the third may be my favorite, here's the dialogue:

Interviewer: "Earlier this week...talked about it being unfair that insurance companies cover Viagra but not birth control..."

McCain (interrupts her) with: "I certainly do not want to discuss that issue"

Interviewer: "But you voted against coverage of birth control in the past, is that still your position?"

McCain: "Looking at my voting record on it, I, uh, I, um, don't recall the vote right now, but i'll be glad to look at it and get back to you as to why, i don't...." (trails off...)

Interviewer: "I guess her statement was that it is unfair that health insurance companies cover Viagra but not birth control. Do you have an opinion on that?"

8 second pause

McCain: "I don't know enough about it to give you a* informed answer because i don't recall the vote, i cast thousands of votes in the senate, but i will get back to you on it... i don't usually duck an issue but i... i'll try to get back to you"

*not to be nitpicky but um... it's an informed answer, not a informed answer... geez...

Imposter! :)

2008-09-15T09:52:00.007-04:00

Not sure? Watch the SNL skit below in which Tina Fey does a perfect impression of Sarah Palin. The similarities are remarkable! haha

(ok, ok, i'll lay off Palin for a while, i just noticed my last 4 posts were about her...)

Rosie the Riveter has been Kidnapped!!! HELP!!

2008-09-11T07:12:00.006-04:00

Oh no they DIDN'T!!!!!!!

CALLING ALL FEMINISTS: HELP SAVE ROSIE!!!!!

The GOP has kidnapped Rosie!! Wait, what is this now? They replaced her face with... SARAH PALIN!?!?!?!?! The misappropriations are astounding!

Large Hadron Collider

2008-09-10T11:51:00.006-04:00

Ok so this is not at all feminism related but the research nerd in me needed to share this because it is so fucking cool!

Here's a taste:
"If all goes according to plan, the Large Hadron Collider, a gigantic particle accelerator underground near Geneva, could re-create the very moment 13 billion years ago when scientists believe a tremendous explosion known as the 'big bang' created the universe."

Sarah Palin's Top 9

2008-09-09T17:36:00.006-04:00

I can't believe i didn't see this yesterday while writing about Palin but it is a must read. To pique your interest, below are Sarah Palin's 9 most disturbing beliefs, via the AlterNet. For explanations on each, see the article. Because despite her being gorgeous, hunting moose, and having a child with special needs there are real issues to consider in this election, ones that she has very scary stances on...

1. Despite problems at home, Sarah Palin does not believe in giving teenagers information about sex.
2. Sarah Palin believes the U.S. Army is on a mission from God. (no, for real...)
3. Sarah Palin believes in punishing rape victims. (not just blaming, but punishing...)
4. Who's really not in favor of clean water? Sarah Palin.
5. Sarah Palin calls herself a reformer, but on earmarks and the "Bridge to Nowhere," she is a hypocrite.
6. Sarah Palin believes creationism should be taught in schools. (this is still one of the craziest to me...)
7. Sarah Palin supports offshore drilling everywhere, even if it doesn't solve our energy problems. (what aboutz teh polar bearz?! oh yea, she took them off the endangered species list...)
8. Sarah Palin loves oil and nuclear power.
9. Sarah Palin doesn't think much of community activism; she'd much rather play insider political games.

Any others that ya'll can think of?

My Thoughts on Sarah Palin

2008-09-08T07:22:00.011-04:00

My mom called last week and exclaimed, "you must be thrilled McCain chose a woman for VP!" Then she asked me (in all seriousness) who i was going to vote for now that there was a woman in the picture. Up until that moment i didn't think that Palin would earn votes simply for having a vagina. I'll be honest, i am sometimes (usually) sexist when choosing doctors. I always go to a woman because i know that she has worked harder than most men in her class to get there. I also know she had to prove herself not only as a doctor but as a female doctor and that means she is probably more qualified for medicine than most of the men in her field. I know that she has faced sexism and has been overlooked for positions. Truth is, i may be wrong in my assumptions but it makes me feel like i am going to a more qualified, harder working person when i imagine the road that got them to where they are. Sexist? Yes. Accurate? Probably, but also not in all cases. My (il?)logic doesn't translate into politics though. Politicians are carefully bred and hand selected, not necessarily for hard work or qualifications but for fit. This is why i (and many many women) would never vote for Palin solely because she is female. In fact, polls found that women are more skeptical of Palin than men and that the Obama-Biden ticket understands the issues and concerns of women best.

Gloria Steinem wrote an op-ed last week illustrating that, "Sarah Palin shares nothing but a chromosome with Hillary Clinton. She is Phyllis Schlafly, only younger." Steinem writes:

This isn't the first time a boss has picked an unqualified woman just because she agrees with him and opposes everything most other women want and need... So let's be clear: The culprit is John McCain. He may have chosen Palin out of change-envy, or a belief that women can't tell the difference between form and content, but the main motive was to please right-wing ideologues; the same ones who nixed anyone who is now or ever has been a supporter of reproductive freedom. If that were not the case, McCain could have chosen a woman who knows what a vice president does and who has thought about Iraq; someone like Texas Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchison or Sen. Olympia Snowe of Maine. McCain could have taken a baby step away from right-wing patriarchs who determine his actions, right down to opposing the Violence Against Women Act.

Although Palin's inexperience scares me, what makes me more fearful is her inexpertness combined with her extreme (and often insane) positions. For example, Palin believes that creationism should be taught in public schools. She also does not believe that global warming exists. She believes that we should face the effects of global warming, but not that humans have been at all accountable for the damage. Her environmental opinions are deplorable: she supports drilling in the Arctic National Wildlife Reserve, a position that even most republicans disagree with. Palin opposes gun control, you know, because the government doesn't have the right to tell us what to do with our gun... but she supports the government's control over women's bodies. Because though we are smart and freethinking enough to shoot guns (and possibly do damage to other people's bodies), we certainly are not smart and freethinking enough to control our own bodies. There's phallic symbolism in there somewhere...

Another tactic i can't quite grasp is why it is so important to paint candidates as relatable. Palin is your average "hockey mom." Obama is the epitome of "rags to riches." I know it's important to humanize candidates but you know what? I don't want my president (or veep) to be an "average" person, I want my elected officials to be much smarter than me, better decision makers, more qualified to govern than i (or any "average person") would be. Back to my medical comparisons, let's put this in different terms: if i was going to have surgery, i wouldn't want an average person cutting me open; i would want someone skilled with a knife. I would want the best fucking surgeon out there. Just like i want the best people in office, not average hockey moms, because if anything, illustrating Palin as "average" and relatable makes her look even less qualified in my eyes. And her record does that for her already, no trite tactics necessary.

Obviously they aren't average. They are in a position to run for office. Obviously that takes (at the very least) money and power. It's insulting to try and fool me into believing they're average, and suggesting that's a good thing...

But i also think we're underestimating Palin a bit. She's the perfect person for McCain to have chose. A perfect, pearl wearing, no hair out of place, gun shooting, oil drilling, anti-choice supporting, evangelical beauty queen. I'm not being sexist, I'm just illustrating the demographic that they're trying to reach by selecting her. Obviously they didn't take the decision lightly and i doubt they were banking solely on Hilary supporters. Palin isn't being used only to lore women to vote republican, although the GOP is hopeful sisterhood will prevail. Palin was also strategically selected because McCain isn't (well, wasn't...) right-wing enough for the ultra-conservatives and Palin will drive home the message of the Christian-base. As far as the GOP thinking women vote strictly with their vaginas and that Hilary supporters would jump on the McCainmobile because he selected a female, i'm not too too worried. I hope (believe?) that women as a whole are smarter than to fall for that. What i am concerned with is how much further to the right McCain has gone in the last few months and how he may have cemented his position on the far right by selecting Palin. I don't care why they chose her, I do care though that they have both pledged to criminalize abortion by overturning Roe vs. Wade...

And because i can't resist Sarah Haskins, here's her take on Palin:

Crafts, Triathlons, and BBC Radio :)

2008-09-03T15:32:00.005-04:00

I'm alive, i swear :) Sorry i disappeared for a bit - i've had a number of things going on which i will share with you now:

Firstly, i started an Etsy shop!! For those of you unfamiliar with Etsy, it's a kickass site that allows you to buy and sell anything and everything homemade! I know for sure i'll be doing all my holiday shopping there this year because i am all about supporting follow artists as well as staying out of the malls during those busy weekends :)

I originally began making jewelry as a way to raise money for a local women's shelter - The Center for Women and Families. It was successful last year between Thanksgiving and the New Year when people felt generous but aside from that i did not have a venue to show and sell, thus to raise money. Etsy gave me the opportunity to set up an online shop where i can display, sell, buy, etc. I will be donating 50% of my earnings to the shelter so when people purchase from my shop they aren't just supporting me but also the health and safety of women and children in Connecticut. I write this not to drum-up business but so everyone knows where their money is going :) It's been such a blast already and a great online community of crafters! I must admit i have only sold one thing so far and i don't know how excited CWFEFC will be to receive a check for $3 but hey, every bit counts! I have been working on that like crazy over the past few weeks and wanted to share.

Second, as many of you know, i'm training for a triathlon... it's very soon (Sept 14th) and i'm freaking out a bit. I had a brief incident (mishap...) with a river last weekend but other than that, it's been smooth sailing. As long as there is no seaweed (my arch nemesis) in the river of the actual event, we'll be all set... i'll have more after the event, for now, send me fast and strong vibes :)

Lastly, I was on BBC's WORLD Have Your Say radio program this afternoon speaking on sexual harassment. The question was "how should women react to sexual harassment?" Although i didn't get nearly enough talk time, it was an interesting conversation to be apart of. Check out their blog and the discussion going on there at WHYS, there are over 300 responses so far! They contacted me via HollaBackCT and asked if i'd be the US speaker in the group. It was actually me and Dr. Pickman from NY representing America :) You can listed to the segment here, through podcast under WHYS: Sexual Harassment. It's a really interesting conversation that brings attention to harassment across the globe and gives voice to women who experience and combat harassment daily. The whole piece is worth checking out but if you're looking for me, i'm only on between 25:55 - 29:40 :)

I wish i had more time to talk. I would have said lots of things starting with the importance and necessity of having these conversations and bringing harassment to light. Too much of the time harassment goes unnoticed or ignored, leaving the target powerless and confused. Harassment is about power, not about sexual attraction. The host asked me if i would be offended if was a coworker of mine and whistled at me during work... um, i don't think it's ever appropriate to whistle at people, especially in a professional setting but him feeling he had the right to do so sets up a power dynamic where he is dominant. I've talked to women around the world who, no matter how they were dressed or what they looked like, have been harassed. Putting the responsibility onto the women to change her appearance will not stop harassment (as some of the callers on the show suggested). What it will do is set up an atmosphere of victim blaming. In my opinion, i don't think women should have to change their behavioral because of others' inability to treat them with respect.

Someone on the segment mentioned that when women dress a certain way, men's "hormonal impulses are triggered" and they can't help themselves. I think that's bogus. That doesn't give men any credit for the ability to control themselves. I know many hetero men that are respectful to women and would never blame their hormonal impulses for an inappropriate response.

The host also asked questions specifically about how women should respond to sexual harassment. One guest on the show mentioned she would "smack" the guy. I don't know if i'd go that far... the host loved her answer because it was so extreme and went around to the group to find out if others thought physical violence was the answer... There are certainly other ways of handling harassment. For example, a tourist in New Zealand was so frustrated by whistles and cat-calls that she was receiving from a group of men repairing on a road that she proceeded to strip out of all her clothes. The police did not approve of her response to the harassment and apprehended her saying that her actions were, "inappropriate in New Zealand" (but apparently it isn't inappropriate to whistle at and cat-call a perfect stranger...) I think asking about appropriate responses neglects context. An appropriate response for an American woman is completely different than one for a woman in Saudi Arabia where women have much fewer rights. Feeling safe is also a consideration. An appropriate response has a lot to do with how safe the target feels to report it or take action, and again, this varies through communities, countries, ethnicities, etc. What are your thoughts?

Check out the segment and pass along the online shop to anyone you think would be interested :)
That's what i've been up to, what have you been busy with these past few weeks?

Happy September everyone!! :)

Friday Feel Good: Women Owning Property!

2008-08-21T13:45:00.010-04:00

Today's post is dedicated to my bestest friend, Jackie, who at 24 years of age purchased a condo in DC!!! She did so independently, with her own hard earned money! This is a huge step for anyone, and, in my opinion, an especially important and momentous one for a single woman. The financial autonomy, ambition, initiative, go-gettertude, and independence oozing out of this makes me go YIPPEE!!!!!!!

The topic of women and property has a long and painful history. In the US and internationally women have been viewed as property in one way or another. An extreme example is that of India where "more than 5,000 brides die annually because their dowries are considered insufficient." Less drastically, hetero women in the US take their husband's name after having their father's name for their unmarried life. Some see this as benign, other see it as first the women are property of their fathers, then their husbands...

Wait, Friday posts are supposed to be "feel good..." Sorry, i get distracted sometimes... Anyway let me quickly talk not about women as property but the history of women owning property. In the early history of the US, women's property was governed by their husbands, following that of British law. Gradually, states began giving married women limited property rights. By the early 1900s most states gave married women control over their property. However, if the marriage ended for whatever reason (though not as common back then as it is now...) the law offered women no rights to the property. Once married, the only way a woman could own property again as a single women was widowhood. Single women during that time had a bit more financial freedom, they had rights to their father's inheritance for example. But while their fathers were alive, their property rights were limited as well. Things have come a LONG way since all this...

I can't help but think of two independent women when i write about this:

1. Virginia Woolf. In her famous novel, A Room of One's Own, the progressive feminist wrote about the essentialness of a safe, private, space for women to do their own work. A space where they are not threatened, bothered, disturbed, objectified or sexualized so they could be capable of producing work comparable to Shakespeare. Woolf eloquently described how women (esp authors) were denied the opportunities available to her male counterparts. Her famous quote states, "a woman must have money and a room of her own if she is to write fiction." Woolf discussed that without money, women were completely dependent on men and without privacy, they were constantly interrupted.

Jacks, i realize you don't write fiction but i hope the new "room of your own" provides you a space for creativity, expression, and lots of bright colors.

2. Miranda Hobbes. A more contemporary, (arguably) feminist symbol of an independent woman unwilling to compromise her values for societal standards. I can't help but think of the episode where Miranda goes to buy her very own apartment. Miranda was the first of the four women to purchase property and is taken aback at all the interegation she goes through trying to purchase it without a man by her side. Her real estate agent asks why she needs this big ol' place if it's just little ol' her. Then the mortgage lender asks if her dad will be helping her with the downpayment... Um no, Miranda made parter at a prestigious law firm and has the money for it all by herself, thank you very much! GASP! haha

Anyway, here's to women owning property! Single or in a committed relationship! Young or old! Good for you and congrats on your independence and freedom! :)

The Accessibility of Sustainable Food

2008-08-18T09:47:00.016-04:00

I have been thinking a lot about sustainability lately. Specifically how accessible a diet of sustainable food is and how much of a role class and privilege play. Speaking with my cousin, Mia, a few weeks ago got me thinking about the image associated with buying and eating local foods. Even Stuff White People Like jokes that farmer's markets are a place for white people to placate "their undying need to support local economies, and the idea of buying direct from the farmer helps them assuage the fears instilled in them from reading Fast Food Nation (and yes, every white person has read this book)." Mia talked about an upper class, pretentious image that is often associated with this lifestyle and the inaccessibility many feel because of this. I agree. Image is definitely one concern, others include actual cost, accessibility, and time.

What is causing healthy food access problems? (via)

Poverty, or the lack of resources with which to acquire food, is the primary source of food insecurity in the United States. However, extensive documentation shows that the lack of access to food in low-income urban neighborhoods — the simple inability to buy it there — is an important additional factor. Compared to people living in higher-income areas, residents of low-income urban neighborhoods have very limited access to high quality food, enjoy fewer options in the variety of goods that are available to them, and pay higher prices for their groceries when they are available.

There have been efforts made to increase accessibility of healthy foods to low-income families including farms that accept food stamps. This is a great start but the vouchers go a lot further at the grocery store than at the local farmer's market. In May, Thomas wrote,"All modern famines are failures of entitlement, not of food production. There’s enough food, but some people due to poverty or other barriers cannot get it." This certainly makes food a feminist issue.

It also brings up healthy* "choices." I write "choices" in quotes because when the decision is between spending a few dollars more on average per meal or filling up self and kids on a tight budget, it is no longer a true choice. When paying bills or bus fare for work is at stake, making a "choice" to eat less than healthy meals is not just easy, but necessary. Time also plays a huge role. Even if someone can find discount vegetables to purchase, and a pound salmon that was on sale that week (maybe slice it up into pasta to make it go further to feed more people?), preparing this meal takes time that not every family has. Especially single parent families. Again, when the decision is between preparing this healthy meal and being late for your second job or grabbing McD's for the same price, it's no longer a real "choice." However, the price we should consider is not just a monetary one. We pay the price in terms of health, and what years of fast and over-processed foods mean for your body. These "choices" are difficult ones and although it's often easy for us to discuss the negative effects of certain choices people make from the comfort of our overprivileged cubicles, there is a lot more at stake for those we are scrutinizing.

Obviously class and privilege play a huge role. Not just in the "choices" we are able to make about our diets but also in access to fresh and reasonably priced foods. This also has a lot to do with location. For example, i was making Sirniki for a special Sunday morning breakfast last weekend and noticed we were out of eggs. I said to D, "can we go to the farm real quick for some eggs?" Then i thought about what i just said. How many people can just "go to the farm for some eggs." We are lucky enough to live 3 miles away from a farm. One with reasonably priced produce. Mostly because they save on transportation costs (when businesses don't need to pay for goods to come in from other states they save on transport and the goods are cheaper for consumers. This also saves on fuel and energy and lowers the overall carbon footprint... but that's a different post i suppose...) Anyway, i make the choice to pay $3.00 for local eggs versus $2.00 for a carton at the grocery store or $1.50 at WalMart (again, an entirely separate post...). I realize the ability to make this choice is due to privilege and not everyone is able to even consider spending $1.50 more on eggs. It's just not an option for some.

I have a difficult time rationalizing to someone the non-monetary cost of the $1.50 eggs purchased at WalMart. If i did try i would discuss the caged chickens with cut-off beaks who are force-fed medicated pellets of growth hormone, the fuel guzzling Semis used to transport the eggs from a CAFO (factory farms) in Idaho to your local store, the underpaid farmers who gave up family farms because they had no other choice, the uninsured and overworked employees that are not allowed to unionize, the environmental effects, the socioeconomic effects, etc... It is difficult to justify eating cage free eggs when they cost at least $1.50 more to someone struggling to feed his/her family, regardless the other costs involved in the decision. Although I am able to consider the other costs, to try to rationalize them to someone in a different position than me forces me to consider my own classism and privilege.

How can someone eat "healthy" on a time and money budget? Wisebread has an interesting article with resources that include: Eating Healthy - It Will Cost You, Why is it so Expensive to be Healthy? (with a wag of the finger at the objectifying photo of a cropped, overweight, body - poor form, Wisebread, poor poor form...) and Eating Locally on a Budget (for example, i bought lettuce, 4 ears of corn, a dozen eggs, a loaf of bread, 4 cucumbers, and an eggplant last week at the farmer's market for $9 total).

There is a lot of value in eating sustainable foods. Value that is often easier to consider from a privileged perspective. There needs to be more done to make these choices accessible to low income families and to provide information, resources, and support as to what these choices really mean in terms of our country's cultural, economic, agricultural, and ethical sustainability.

Some other neat stuff i found while writing this:
Food, Farming ... Feminism?
Obesity Inversely Linked to Low Income (just don't read the comments...)
Making Women Farmers “Visible” As They Feed Nations
Guerrilla Gardening
Eat Well Guide
and at the very least, watch The Meatrix

*Weight and health are not necessarily correlated. With that said, any comments that show weightist attitudes will be moderated - just a heads up so don't even try it...