Halloween Costumes

I'm sure this is a blogging faux pas but i'd really like to resurrect a Halloween post i had up last year. If for no other reason than to give parents, and women, ideas for empowering costumes rather than resorting to the same old (sexist, sexualized, and objectified) standard options.

Halloween, if nothing else, allows children to play dress-up and use their imagination to be anything they want to be. Or in the case of the mainstream costume industry, gives kids the chance to further perpetuate gender roles, reinforce stereotypes, and dress little girls in hyper-sexualized outfits.

I was at a party store last weekend and spotted a wall of "featured costumes." I managed to snap a couple photos with my phone before the salesperson asked me what i was doing. "I am documenting the lack of options for little girls when it comes to Halloween costumes" I responded, "so that i can blog about how this parallels girls' and young women's lack of options in the real world." ("DUH!" i thought sarcastically...) I apologize for the quality of the photos, it was the best i could do with a phone on the fly :)

Of course there ARE options... for example, take page 1 from an online search for girls' Halloween costumes, letters A through H: Aurora, Barbie Anneliese, Barbie Cheerleader, Barbie Rapunzel, Blissful Bride, Bratz Jade, Bratz Sasha, Bratz Staurday Night Style, Cinderella, Devilicious Child, Fanciful Fairy.



Is all the pink making you a bit pukey? Sorry about that...

The store where i snapped the photos of those three costumes had several more options. For example, there were Power Ranger costumes, doctor costumes, and handyman costumes for the boys. For the girls? More of the same. I thought the whole girl = nurse/boy = doctor thing was so last decade?? Guess not. Not to say there is anything wrong with being a nurse, because there isn't. But to lead girls to believe that they don't have the option to be a doctor and boys to believe that they cannot be a nurse is outdated and damaging. The Tycoon costume cracked D and me up the most. I guess the female equivalent to "Tycoon" in Halloween costume talk was the MegaStar?? Because clearly all that girls have to offer is their looks and bodies. The model in the photo on the costume can't possibly be older than 10. No 10 year old should be wearing that much (or LITTLE) pleather... And i doubt many 10 year olds are that developed... So, moral of the story for your 10 year old girl who wants to be "successful" when she grows up? Boys use their brains to make money by becoming Tycoons. Girls use their appearance to make money by wearing very little clothes or by attracting Tycoonish boys.

Obviously it only gets worse as the target audience gets older. Check out the changes in costumes from toddler to girl to tween to teen to adult. The only thing that changes is the amount of fabric that goes in to making the costume. For example, even seemingly empowering costumes, like superwoman (which they call "supergirl") or warrior princes (who then becomes a "Geisha"), become hypersexualized as the target consumer gets a bit (read: no more than a couple of years) older. These attempts at options fall even shorter as girls grow up.

I get it. Some people (read: freshmen college girls who are experiencing their first taste of sexual freedom) see Halloween as an excuse to make any outfit into a sexy costume. Want to be a pirate? Ok! Sexy Pirate it is! Sexy Cat Woman, Sexy Nurse, Sexy Witch, Sexy Bunny, Sexy Schoolgirl, Sexy Anna Rexia (get it? sexy anorexia... riiiiight) and my all time favorite, the Sexy Detective (my freshman year 1st college Halloween party costume...) P.S. You should absolutely click through those links to the photos of those costumes but they are definitely not appropriate for work so careful.

Because i couldn't possibly write about Baby High Heels in any other post than the Halloween ridiculous costumes post, i wanted to include a bit about the new "infant trend..." If the topic of girls' Halloween costumes doesn't bother you enough check out baby high heels (designed for babies 0-6 months)!!!! I can't wait for a friend or family member to have a baby girl so that i can buy these for her!

/sarcasm...

So that we don't end on a negative note, what are some empowering costumes your kids (or kids you know) will be wearing this Halloween?

"I was going to ask you what's new, but I think I know"

Anyone watch American Idol? This is extremely disturbing to me on so, so many levels...

Women's Martial Arts, an Interview

Below is an interview with a female martial artist, Marianna, who has been studying martial arts for almost 15 years. She is now getting into MMA (Mixed Martial Arts), where there are not currently a lot of women. You will see in the interview below that Marianna was supported to persue her interests in martial arts early on with the support of her dad who enrolled her in classes when she was nine years old. In the interest of full disclosure, I will tell you that Marianna is my cousin and i am incredibly proud of her for all her accomplishments and goals. She does not only demonstrate physical strength but also strength of character, as martial arts have taught her to over the last 15 years.

Some of the gender questions that came to mind as i watched Marianna's fight included: What kind of messages do the women holding up signs in the middle of the fight (and the photo op with the same women at the end) send? They are almost naked and we as feminists quickly notice this sort of blatant objectification. Shouldn't a female fight, with an empowerment and strength focus, send a different message and leave out this sexist tradition from the ring? Another question that arose for me was whether there are certain double standards for women in the sport. Do they expect the women to be feminine and conventionally attractive while maintaining a "tough guy" attitude? Which female fighters get more attention (in terms of fans and sponsorship) the conventionally pretty women or the women who look tough, ready to kick ass, and are unmotivated by maintaining a conventionally feminine appearance?

If you have questions for Marianna about martial arts and MMA, feel free to leave them in the comment section, maybe i can get her to swing by and answer some :)




1. What made you want to learn and start practicing martial arts?
I've been doing martial arts since i was 9 years old. My brother was taking Tae Kwon Do and I was always intrigued by it so my dad let me start taking classes. Then after i got my black belt my dad encouraged me to look around at other schools and that's when i started taking kung fu with Vincent Lyn. I trained with him for 6 years before moving to Miami for college. I took some time off from the martial arts at that point. A year ago I decided I wanted to get back into it. I looked for serious schools before finding out that one of the best MMA camps in the world was just around the corner from my house. I joined American Top Team and couldn't be happier with the training. I am pushed every day and find the sport to be so challenging. (MMA is the combination of wrestling, jiu jitsu, boxing and kickboxing).

2. Did knowing how to fight throughout your life make you feel more safe in situations where women are "supposed to" be afraid, like walking alone at night or meeting men for the first time?
Actually, I've never been in a real fight. I do feel safe knowing that i have experience in combat but now-a -days people don't really fight with just fists...so i think i've just been fortunate not having to prove myself on the street.

3. What types of double standards have you experienced or seen in the world of MMA in terms of gender?
I've always been more of a tom boy than a girly girl growing up. Sports were always part of my life and I've had to deal with criticism from family and a few friends about how girls shouldn't be playing sports and instead being girly. But thankfully i've never been the type of person to take things personally. I enjoy being challenged physically and this is what this sport does. Fighting is just as mental as it is physical so i feel that it sort of mirrors life. You have to be strong physically, mentally and spiritually to make it through daily struggles and the same goes for MMA.

I like to prove people wrong. I think girl fighters can definitely be sexy. Why not be the total package? Yea i'm a girl, yes i can fight and yes i'm sexy. I don't think those aspects have to contradict themselves. Actually a lot of guys think that girl fighters are hot. After my fight I got a lot of feedback from some spectators. They all showed me a lot of love and respect and these were people who didn't even know me. They just came up to me and told me what they thought.

As far as body image... the sport is very demanding (that's why you see so many hot guys with amazing bodies fighting). I'm noticing my body change and a lot of people don't realize the sacrifice on your body. Fighters are constantly loosing and gaining depending on timing of fights. So it definitely keeps you in shape and I love that about it!

4. Do you think it's harder for women fighters to get noticed than male fighters? Is it more difficult for female fighters to get sponsorship?
I think it's easier. People always talk about the girl fights! I think being an attractive girl opens doors because sex sells. Just look at Gina Carano. She's an awesome fighter and shes hot. she's the most popular female fighter in the world (but not because she's hands down the best in the world). What sets her apart is her looks. I am a huge fan of hers...she's got a lot of sponsors, she keeps it real and she's not afraid to be sexy.

5. What is some advice you'd give to girls and women starting out in martial arts?
Martial arts are great because it's a great workout, you get to meet a lot of nice people, you will challenge yourself mentally and physically and it's fun to learn. I am totally for strong women and I think women that do martial arts gain confidence in more than just protecting themselves. But as far as women's MMA, it's gaining popularity by the minute. like I said...people love to watch women fight. So i doubt the sport is going anywhere.

6. Why does the ref keep fixing your bra during the fight? I thought that was a bit strange...
Ok so i was planning on wearing my t-shirt the whole fight. When i got into the ring they told me it wasn't tight enough and my opponent's feet could get caught in it so they made me take it off. The problem with that was that I had plastic boob protectors in my sports bra (which is required to wear...as well as its required to take a pregnancy test before fights). So during the fight the boob protectors kept shifting and at some points sticking out of the sports bra. So the ref kept fixing and adjusting it for me. LOL. quite embarrassing but at least they didn't fall out!!

Way To Go, ScarJo!

This post may shock those of you who know me, because I am the absolute last person to keep up with pop culture and celebrities. However, I have a special place in my heart for stars like Scarlett Johansson who speak out against the media and for positive body image.

Johansson is preparing for a role in Iron Man 2, for which the tabloids claim, she is starving and over exercising herself to lose 14 pounds. ScarJo spoke out in an article featured in The Huffington Post on Monday about body image, irresponsible journalism, and making healthy choices:

"Eating healthy and getting fit is about commitment, determination, consistency and the dedication to self-preservation," She wrote. "People come in all shapes and sizes and everyone has the capability to meet their maximum potential. Once filming is completed, I'll no longer need to rehash the 50 ways to lift a dumbbell, but I'll commit to working out at least 30 minutes a day and eating a balanced diet of fruit, vegetables and lean proteins."

My favorite part of her article is when she calls out the "media" and their "utterly lunatic" claims that she is losing so much weight and being heavily influenced by co-stars. ScarJo is super snarky in her response, and hopefully this will help set some "journalists" straight - we see celebrities' appearance up for discussion way too often (wasn't Jessica Simpson criticized for putting on some weight not too long ago?).

"Since dedicating myself to getting into 'superhero shape,' several articles regarding my weight have been brought to my attention. Claims have been made that I've been on a strict workout routine regulated by co-stars, whipped into shape by trainers I've never met, eating sprouted grains I can't pronounce and ultimately losing 14 pounds off my 5'3" frame. Losing 14 pounds out of necessity in order to live a healthier life is a huge victory. I'm a petite person to begin with, so the idea of my losing this amount of weight is utter lunacy. If I were to lose 14 pounds, I'd have to part with both arms. And a foot. I'm frustrated with the irresponsibility of tabloid media who sell the public ideas about what we should look like and how we should get there."

"I believe it's reckless and dangerous for these publications to sell the story that these are acceptable ways to looking like a 'movie star'... The press should be held accountable for the false ideals they sell to their readers regarding body image — that's the real weight of the issue."

"The concept of 'Stars Are Just Like Us!" makes us feel connected to lifestyles that can sometime seem out of this world. Yes, celebrities are just like us. They struggle with demons and overcome obstacles and have annoying habits and battle vices. That said, I would be absolutely mortified to discover that some 15-year-old girl in Kansas City read one of these "articles" and decided she wasn't going to eat for a couple of weeks so she too could "crash diet" and look like Scarlett Johansson."

Way to go Scarlett Johansson, really well said. Except wait, "celebrities are just like us"?? You ARE a celebrity: own it and do good by it, just like you did in this article.

Taking Up Space

I've always been really interested in the idea of space in relation to gender. What i mean by that is how much space men utilize daily versus how much space women use and how that plays a role in sexism and weight issues. A lot of this intersects with standards of beauty and our culture's drive for women's thinness but i have always been a bit paranoid that it goes beyond just that. When i started studying body image and eating disorders i thought i had uncovered the greatest conspiracy of our time: the more women are pushed to be preoccupied with their weight and appearance, the less they'll have time, energy, and money to succeed in anything else.

I strongly believe that women's preoccupation with weight goes far beyond fulfilling an impossible standard of beauty. Our obsession with thinness is largely intertwined with the amount of space women are expected and "allowed" to take up in society, both physically and mentally. I came back to this thought today as I waited for a client in the lobby the substance abuse clinic where i work. I sat on the end of the bench in the waiting area as three men walked into the clinic. They continued talking to each other and two sat on the bench next to me while one remained standing. I moved as far to the side of the bench as i could and sat with my legs crossed and arms to my sides. The man next to me sat down and stretched his arms up and placed them on the top of the bench, making himself as wide as possible. There were other dynamics at play here such as status for example, because i am staff and they are clients, but i felt uncomfortable because this man almost had his arm around me... so i moved. As i stood by the wall i thought about space and just how much of it women are expected to take up, and give up, based on the circumstance.

None of us are new to the idea that advertising sells more than the products illustrated. Advertising and media also sell values and ideals that we're expected to buy into. For women, there is no greater concept sold with products than thinness. The video below is a short segment from Jean Kilbourne's lecture series about advertising and the obsession with weight and dieting. What struck me most about it was her discussion of a Virginia Slims ad that reads: "if i ran the world calories wouldn't count." But of course she doesn't run the world, and calories "do" count so she should grab a cigarette instead of eating. This ad blatantly instructs women to SMOKE instead of EAT. Women shouldn't eat, they should diet, they should take up as little space as possible, the thinner the better... but what does "the thinner the better really mean?"



The message of "the thinner the better" is an extremely pervasive attempt for women to become as thin and small as possible and thus take up as little space in the world as they can. And this message isn't just taught to us by mainstream media. It's taught in etiquette classes across the country. Women are instructed to sit gracefully with their legs crossed while men are usually found sprawled out, taking up as much space as they can on the chair. Men even reach their arms out when sitting, and make their frame as large as they can to take up as much space as possible. Women keep their arms at their sides, or crossed on their lap. Again, women are supposed to take up as little space in the world as they possibly can, be it with actions or their physical appearance.

I have seen a trend recently in advertisements depicting women with muscle and strength. It's about time women are shown kicking ass, lifting weights, and using their bodies in ways we haven't seen in mainstream media in the past. The obsession with thinness goes beyond weight and extends to women's place in the world and women's right to use 50% of the space in our environment.

What do you do to take up space? To make sure you are a known force in the world? Is this something you've ever considered or acted on?

My example may not be life changing but it's one i'll share with you: I love fall for many reasons, but one of the biggest is because i get the chance to feel like i exist in the universe while i walk outside. When i was younger (ok who am i kidding, i do it now, too) i deliberately step on the dry leaves on the ground and celebrate internally as each one goes "CRUNCH." I feel like my presence was known in the world with each leaf i squash. The noiser the better. I love that CRUNCH feel and love putting a sound to my walking through the world.

UPDATE: I posted this in the Feministing Community section, where there is currently a lot of discussion, feel free to add to it there, or here in comments :)

Eye on Russia: Eating Disorder Treatment

A few months ago my cousin, Mark, sent me an article: Anorexia takes toll on Russian women.

I started writing this post back in March but couldn't get myself to click "publish." There was just so much going on in this article i didn't know where to start - Obviously the piece itself is saddening, it's terrible and damaging that so many young women in Russia are dealing with eating disorders, especially on their own without adequate professional support. But the tone and message of the article troubled me almost as much as the issue. And the "professional support" quoted seemed to miss the mark entirely.

The only doctor they interview for the piece said, “it’s a paranoia and an obsession. Some of those girls have never even been plump, but they get the idea that they have to lose weight and become perfect. So we use all the means to cure it.”

1. I'd be really interested to see what she meant by eating disorders are a "paranoia," that's a new one to me... definitely not sure i agree.
2. Being "plump" as the doctor describes it should not at all be the focus here. Firstly, even "plump" women can have life-threatening eating disorders. Weight isn't the only determinant of how sick someone is or whether or not someone needs help dealing with an eating disorder.
3. The wording: "they get the idea that they have to lose weight and become perfect." The "and" really stands out to me there. I wouldn't have given it a second thought if she said, "they get the idea that they have to lose weight to become perfect." But she says "and" and she's supposed to be the professional. The way she says it associates weight with becoming perfect (the thinner one is, the better, or closer to "perfection one is.) The "to" rather than "and" illustrates to me that the doctor understands the person dealing with the eating disorder believes that thinness and perfection are linked but the professional does not see it this way herself. It troubles me that she used "and" because it makes me believe she thinks there is a link between weight and perfection.

I wonder if this article was originally published in Russian? If so, I'd really like to read it because quotes like that make me wonder if there is something lost in translation.

The other shocking thing about the article was it said there is only ONE clinic in all of Russia specializing in eating disorders?! And the clinic only has 7 beds?! Wha Wha WHAT?! That seems incredibly hard for me to believe, especially with all the dancers and figure skaters in the country (not to stereotype, but comeon...) If this is the case, Russia has more of a problem than I ever realized.

Another troubling quote came from a woman who works for Maxim magazine and describes women's eating disorders as an "investment in their future."

“In Russia women aren’t that financially independent. They’re not equally paid and not interested in getting a job. The girls dream is to get the right guy, who will pay rent at least, or marry her or take care of her and the kids.”

Wow, talk about sexism in a huge way. It seems that eating disorders in Russia are closely intertwined with the systematic problem of women unable to be financial independent, which by the way should be at the forefront here. The quote though? I don't buy that woman's solution for a number of reasons.

1. Looking a certain way does not guarantee snagging a man, or a woman...
2. Snagging that perfect, rich, sig o should not be the solution for a systematic problem.
3. Russia's focus should be on equalizing pay and providing women opportunities to become financially independent.
3. I refuse to believe that all these women suffer from eating disorders as a result of trying to snag a guy, that's simply insulting and she's definitely missing something big here...
4. She says "[Russian women] are not interested in getting a job." I find that hard to believe. Mostly because i am a Russian woman, i was raised by Russian women (and men) and i grew up surrounded by a magnitude of strong, independent, forward thinking, and intelligent Russian women. These women valued hard work and did not sit around a wait for a man to save them. Saying comments like hers is insulting and demonstrates that inequality and sexism isn't always straight forward.

Criticism aside, Russia needs far better profession support for individuals dealing with eating disorders than the doctor highlighted in the article.

Self Love

This post was partially inspired by Dirty Rotten Feminist's Sunday night question: "what are you vain about?" and thus i must give her credit ;)

Today's post is a positive one, leading up to a personal experience I wanted to share with all of you, however vain or insignificant it may seem. It's the experience of how I came to love my body.

I work out, regularly. Have done so for the majority of my life. I have recently begun training for a triathlon that I will complete in September. I belong to a gym with a pool for which I pay way too much money. I realize i'm privileged by this but it's the money I pay every month that helps motivate me to get my ass in gear and not miss workouts. I, unlike lots of people, love exercise. I love using my body and taking advantage of all the things it can do. I love feeling powerful and strong and challenging myself in physical ways. It isn't about looking a certain way anymore. I wasn't always this forward thinking. When I was younger, I would exercise despairingly, desperately trying to fit into some unattainable standard of beauty that was burned into my brain by fashion magazines and the popular girls. As an adult, my relationship with my body and the concept of "beauty" and "sexiness" has slowly developed, but we all struggle with our daemons and this has always been one for me, until recently that is...

Over the past year I have noticed a woman at my gym. She is gorgeous. She is fit. She is powerful (can lift more weight than half the men). I watch her perfect abs glisten with sweat and she stretches, or run, or bikes, whatever. She is perfect. Or at least as close to my perception of "perfect" as i'll ever see.

I've been watching her for months, mustering up the courage to talk to her, to tell her that she motivates me daily. Literally, I stay on the treadmill longer and lift heavier weights if she's around. Unknowingly, she pushes me and I thank her for it daily. Fast forward to yesterday: I walk into my regular Wednesday night spin class and she's there, on the instructor bike, gearing up to sub! The class was great and finally gave me an excuse to talk to her. I asked her some trivial question about her cycling shoes and we got to talking a bit. During the conversation she told me that i was in great shape and had done really well in her class. Me! Coming from her! I wanted to shake her and tell her that i've been watching her for the past year, that she inspires me, that i look up to her, that i think she's gorgeous, that i may have a crush on her, but i didn't tell her any of that. I simply smiled and thanked her. I remembered why i loved my body and that it was nice to be noticed for working hard and staying focused.

When did I start loving my body? I remember the moment vividly. It was Sunday morning and i got up early for yoga. I finally got into a routine of going weekly and hadn't let myself skip a class in 5 weeks. I was finally starting to see improvement in my poses. I was getting good, balanced, and i couldn't believe it. That Sunday i woke up extra early and decided to go for a quick run before class. I got to class just as the instructor was starting and the room was more full than usual. I wasn't able to secure my regular spot in the back of the room (where i could be unnoticed). I was forced to put my mat down in the front right side of the room, surrounded by mirrors. There was no hiding now, i had a mirror in front of me and one to the side. I felt like everyone was watching me downward dog. Ok, I'm sure they weren't. But i did get paranoid surrounded by all those mirrors. Until finally, something clicked. As I glimpsed in the mirror through the Adho Mukha Svanasana triangle created by my arms, torso, and legs I saw the perfect lines of my body as they contorted in the poses i've been working on for months.

I noticed the muscles on my back and shoulders tighten to hold the pose. I watched as they glistened with sweat. I became obsessed with watching myself glide into the poses. In that moment, I became completely vain! I was never one to spend much time in front of the mirror. This was all very new to me, and I loved it.

I especially loved what my body could do. The strength I had to hold myself up and the balance and flexibility to maintain the poses. That's when i realized it: i loved my body. I loved the strength and power my body had and the facility with which i could use it. I loved the lines created by my arms and shoulder muscles and the endurance and awareness i had from using my body regularly. I had done it, I had achieved one of my life goals, to love my body. I never thought this was possible, I was the girl eating nothing but clementines for weeks at a time during high school. I was the girl running 10 miles a day, on a treadmill, getting nowhere (literally and mentally). I was the girl studying body image and feminism in college, trying to convince myself to love my body. I was a hypocrite. And I hated myself for that. But finally, that morning in yoga, over a decade after my battle with my body began, something clicked and i fell in love with it.

I continued the class, sweaty from my run, obsessed with my body in the mirror, giving in to all the poses. Breathing. Relaxing. Challenging myself. It was wonderful. I gracefully moved through the warrior poses into locust, camel, cobra... I had control, I was focused, I felt strong. The class ended, but the feelings of euphoria and self-love that i felt that morning stayed with me, and hopefully will remain for a long, long time.

(no, that is not me in the photo, i just loved the image: the mountains, the water, the cowgirl hat... awesome shot)

Dear Anonymous,

I moderate my comments. I do this so that discriminatory and rude nonsense doesn't get through. But sometimes i'll post the ignorant shit that people write because a lot of it is a perfect illustration of the discrimination that still exists today. People like to tell me i'm overreacting. They also say that on average, Americans are pretty "tolerant" and not discriminatory anymore. 1. Fuck "tolerance" we need equal rights, we also need to start celebrating difference; 2. Much of the discrimination now is a lot more subtle. However, here is an example of a less subtle attack.

Someone searched, "men gyped by feminism" and somehow found my blog. Specifically my post on fat-fingering. To which he commented:

Anonymous said...
Instead of complaining about it and crying over it and screaming "no fair".

JUST LOSE THE FUCKING WEIGHT. It's not healthy to be a FAT FUCK anyway.

May 14, 2008 1:45 PM (sic)

Then he wrote:

Anonymous said...
I'm actually not prejudiced against fat people. I dated a fat chick once. But she was on a diet and motivated to losing the weight.

All my comment proves is that I have a problem with WHINY LIBERALS ON A CRUSADE TO MAKE EVERYTHING AN "ISSUE".

The term "fat-finger" is not at all discriminatory against whiny fat fucks like yourself. If anything, it's making fun of people with LARGE DIGITS. IE- Big fingers.

You're fat. And you're a feminist. And you can't seem to have a happy, fulfilling relationship with a man. Your choice- your problem. Not our's. Get off your soap box. You're preaching about shit that makes no sense.

Seriously. Who cares if most men don't wanna date or have sex with a fat chick. Most women don't want to date a man who has no money and doesn't shave. *shrugs* I get off my ass and go to work every day and shave every morning. Maybe you should start your day with a low carb breakfast and some stomach crunches.

May 14, 2008 3:16 PM (sic)

Anonymous' comment is based on so many assumptions it makes my head spin.

I'll try to work them all out for you...

Assumption #1: Because he "dated a fat chick" he clearly cannot be a bigot. Right. Way to tokenize, asshole. Did you also "have a black friend back in college?" I thought so.

Assumption #2: I'm a "whiny liberal"... no comment

Assumption #3: I'm fat. Because I can't possibly care about discrimination against people on the basis of weight unless i'm fat. I also must be black since i hate racists and gay since i can't stand homophobia. Am I "fat", a WoC, gay? It doesn't matter. What matters is i shouldn't be treated differently if i was or wasn't any/all those things.

Assumption #4: I can't "seem to have a happy, fulfilling relationship with a man." Two assumptions wrapped in one, gee wiz. I'm obviously heterosexual and i'm obviously single. Of course since i'm "fat" (assumption #3) i can't possible be in a relationship. And i'm obviously straight because you're a heteronormative asshole.

Assumption #5: Being "fat" is a problem. Um... didn't you internalize any of what the original post said?

Assumption #6: "most men don't wanna date or have sex with a fat chick." Hm... any of my commenters wanna take this one on?

Assumption #7: "Most women don't want to date a man who has no money and doesn't shave." HUH?

Assumption #8: I don't exercise or eat right ("Maybe you should start your day with a low carb breakfast and some stomach crunches.") Physical appearance does not equate how "healthy" someone is. Nutrition and health are based on lifestyle, not on appearance.

That should about do it.

Dear Anonymous, my apologies for not being able to get to your comment sooner but D and I were out celebrating our 5 year anniversary.

5/15/08
UPDATE: I gave all this some more thought... i wanted to pick one main focus for readers to walk away with from all this this... there are actually two.

1. Discrimination based on a person's weight exists. Weightist attitudes exist and they've been referred to as the "last form of acceptable discrimination." Here are some examples. I don't usually participate in the "Oppression Olympics" but Yale did and found that "Weight/height discrimination is prevalent in American society and is relatively close to reported rates of racial discrimination, particularly among women. Both institutional forms of weight/height discrimination (for example, in employment settings) and interpersonal mistreatment due to weight/height (for example, being called names) were common, and in some cases were even more prevalent than discrimination due to gender and race."

2. The reason i don't post pictures or much personal information about myself on this blog is because it doesn't matter. It isn't the point. It doesn't matter how much i weigh or whether i'm gay or straight. It doesn't matter my ethnicity or race. What matters is that people's rights shouldn't be violated based on any of those things. This isn't about me. It's about equality. Which is why i don't entertain (or respond to) personal questions, attacks, or comments. I know i did a bit by adding that it was D and my 5 year anniversary but i only did so because of the irony :) So shoot me, i'm not infallible. Never said i was... The point is, people's rights shouldn't be taken away by anyone just because they don't fit into some skewed notion of "normalcy" that an individual might have.

The Madonna "Diet"

My first interest in feminism and Women's Studies centered around body image, eating disorders, and social standards of "beauty." Jean Kilbourne's work propelled me into the field and focused both my activism and academic interests on the thinness, control, body image, and social influence. I attended a lecture by Kilbourne that taught me not only the importance of media literacy but also of the accessibility of social activism, cultural differences in beauty, and unconscious influence. In fact, when i started this blog i thought i'd be writing a lot more about body image and eating disorders than i have been, primarily because it's where i feel most comfortable and the area i know most about. In retrospect, i realize i haven't touched the subject all that much.

(check out About-Face and Jean Kilbourne's site for more negative advertising)

My undergraduate honors thesis examined body image satisfaction and thin-ideal internalization in relation to feminist identity. I hypothesized that feminists, or women with a stronger feminist consciousness, would be more satisfied with their bodies and would internalize thin-ideals less than women who did not relate to feminism. Some of my findings were inline with that: as feminist self-identification increased, body dissatisfaction decreased. Thin-ideal told a more complicated story. I measured two aspects of thin-ideal: awareness and internalization and found that although awareness of the thin-ideal was impacted by feminist identification, internalization of the thin-ideal was not. What this told me is that raising feminist identification in general may not be enough and although feminist identification raises awareness of negative stereotypes about women, it may not protect women from internalizing these stereotypes. Basically, social messages, images, stereotypes, advertising, etc. may effect us way more than we consciously know and realize.

Feminism taught me the importance of maintaining a critical eye. Whether i was looking through fashion magazines, watching TV, or going about my daily business, applying the feminist tradition of not accepting things as they were totally changed my life (and annoyed lots and lots of people).

Dealing with my own stuff surrounding food I quickly became empowered by feminist theories of "normalcy" and beauty. I also finally understood that a woman's value is not defined by how she looks or how much she weighs. I'm not saying that feminism will cure an eating disorder, if i could prove that i'd be rich and lots of girls wouldn't be starving themselves. What i am saying is that feminism allows women to embrace themselves and their bodies, as they are, and recognize that their value, importance, and position in the world should not be a direct result of how they look. Also, i quickly realized the amount of time, money, and energy women spend on looking a certain way. The conspiracy theorist in me was convinced that this "standard of beauty" for women was nothing more than a way to keep women in their place and far away from equality. As long as there are impossible standards of beauty women will never be equal.

Moving on to what this post was supposed to be about: Madonna. I used to be all about Madonna. I recently had an incredibly interesting intergenerational conversation with an older feminist about Madonna's legacy and influence on women's sexuality. I think Madonna has done some amazing things for the women's movement (intentionally or just as career moves) especially surrounding women's power, sexuality, and freedom. These arguably progressive and positive influences on women's bodies and sense of self have undoubtedly left a mark in music, popculture, and society in general. In fact, Courtney (who ya'll know i love) featured Madonna today on her "Thank You Thursdays" column.

Like I said, used to be all about Madonna. Until this week that is. US Magazine did a piece on Madonna's new "diet." In quotes because it consists of her eating around 700 calories a day and exercising about 2hrs daily... If this isn't an eating disorder guide for girls i don't know what is.

Needless to say, it left me a bit disappointed in Madonna... I won't go on a tangent about the social responsibility celebrities should take for the younger generation that is looking up to them, but for real, come on! Cele/bitchy calculated the caloric intake for some of Madonna's meals that appear in the article. Here is an example of a day in the life of Madonna's diet:

Breakfast: 1 cup Kashi cereal, with ½ cup plain—or vanilla—nonfat rice milk [262 calories]
Lunch: 2 hardboiled eggs with ½ cup each of baby carrots and cherry tomatoes [194 calories]
Dinner: 3 to 5 oz grilled sea bass with ½ cup steamed spinach [240 calories]

[Total: 696 calories]

Combine that with 2 hours of exercise and you have a really unhealthy and dangerous lifestyle that no one would be able to maintain longer than one week. Madonna has a huge influence in both music and pop culture. It scares me to death that girls will be reading that article and replicating Madonna's extreme diet.

Race, Class and Gender - A Semester of Frustration

Below is a guest post from a co-worker and friend, Brandi. For me, one of the most interesting things to witness is the formation and development of feminist consciousness in another person. I experienced this in my first WS class during college, some stages that i went through to form my feminist identity included challenging my former beliefs, admitting my own privilege, realizing that indeed there is a problem, outrage, and recognizing the need for collective action. Feminist identity develops during different times in peoples lives and not always out of academic circumstances. Below is an example of a woman who is going through this now and would love feedback on other people's experiences and when to (and how to) speak up for what you believe in.

From Brandi:

Last summer, I had a chance to work closely with Galina. Galina was hired to work for the company I work at about a year and a half ago though we never actually worked together. Fortunately she had some down time in between research studies and she was able to help me out during a time of turnover/trainings, etc. I got to really know her and I’m so thankful for that time – even if it was difficult. I learned that she is strong-willed, is passionate about her views and sticks up for what is right. I don’t think I have ever met someone with such conviction before and it is so refreshing and inspiring.

Admittedly, prior to meeting her and reading her blog, I myself never understood what being a feminist means. Like many other (ignorant) people in this world, I too thought feminism was a “dirty” word and that feminists fit the following criteria: they are always women, are mean, mostly lesbians, have narrow views of the world, and are just out there to cause trouble. I understand now that this is all cultivated by the media. I now proudly claim to be a feminist – if ever I’m asked to describe myself, that is a word that I use.

This semester I enrolled in a class called Race, Class and Gender. Once the end of January rolled around I was excited about all the topics we would cover and the heated discussions that would transpire. I was fully expecting some people to be shocked and a little hurt. What has been happening in class; however, I was not prepared for.

There is a group of females that sit right in the front of the class in a gaggle. I hate to stereotype, but they are all carbon copies of each other – they go tanning, have manicured fingernails, expensive and trendy haircuts, carry Coach bags, etc. Often times in class they are giggling and distracting to both the original professor (we had to have a guest professor come in from now on since someone complained about the class and my professor’s accent – I have good reason to believe it was one of said girls) and the rest of the class.

One day we were discussing patriarchal societies and our professor asked, “Do you think we live in a patriarchy.” I nodded my head as did several other people in my class. The ringleader of the group of girls in the front (we’ll call her A.) said, “I don’t think we do.” My professor was curious as to why – she’s very good at letting us make a case for our opinions. A. said very surely, “Well, I’m ok with how things are so it’s ok.” Clearly, this is not a valid argument. Just because you yourself are ok with how our society is does not a non-patriarchal society make. Until we have equal pay for equal work, we are in a patriarchy. Until a day goes by where the media doesn’t comment on Hilary Clinton showing her emotions or tearing up during a speech, we are in a patriarchy. Until a woman CEO is not compared to her male colleagues, we live in a patriarchy.

Two weeks ago, one of A’s friends did a presentation on an article about teenage girls getting plastic surgery. This lead to a discussion about America’s Next Top Model which I admit I love to hate to watch. Another one of A’s friends mentioned that there is always a “bigger” girl on there but “they usually don’t make it far”. Our guest professor asked, “Oh, you mean she’s like the average woman in America, not just a size 0?” and the friend said, “No, they’re obese.” OBESE?? Whitney who is this season’s token “plus sized model”, if you could call her that, is a size 10! How is that obese? Seriously, look at her photos!

Then A. opened her mouth again and said that she didn’t believe that the teenage girls who get plastic surgery are doing it because of the media or society, they just, you know like want to look good. Well A., who makes them think a tiny waist, small thighs and big boobs make ya look good? SOCIETY.

Last week’s class was the icing on my cake. The same girl who thinks the “plus sized” models on ANTM are obese did her presentation on an article about a boy in middle school who was gay. She ended her presentation with a little gem that tied the article into her own life. She said, “I have a friend who is a lesbian and I just don’t understand how she knows she is a lesbian if she has never slept with a boy.” In her mind you need to at least sleep with one guy before you make a decision to be attracted to girls. Maybe the same should be true to be sure you aren’t gay? I don’t know. Our guest professor calmly turned the tables and asked her “Well, how did you know you were attracted to boys?” The girl turned her eyes upward and thought for a minute and then said, “Yeah, I guess I can see that.” I really hoped this was true and was satisfied with the discussion.

BUT THEN, my original professor said, “Well, there have been some studies to show that many people who are gay have been abused early on and that is why they are gay.” And of course that gaggle of girls in front all nod their heads. So now they are walking out the door of the class thinking that people they meet who are homosexual have been abused and poor them, they don’t know any better! I was seething in my seat and I looked around at my class but no one else had the reaction I had. How could she just make a statement like that without the exact statistics and source to show that?

So, I tried looking them up myself. I couldn’t find anything right away. But then I stumbled upon the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force website and did a keyword search of ‘sexual abuse’. What I came up with was a report called “Love Won Out: Addressing, Understanding, and Preventing Homosexuality”. Basically in 2004 there was a conference called Love Won Out which was sponsored by Focus on the Family (Feministgal interjection: they also promote creepy pro-life fetus comics such as Umbert!). There were several speakers who identified as “ex-gay” and “ex-lesbian” and the conference focused on the prevention of homosexuality and that both change and hope is possible.

“Speakers frequently claimed that childhood sexual abuse is a prominent cause of lesbian orientation” (p. 5). Also, on page 4, “Homosexual behavior is an attempt to “repair childhood emotional hurts” through same-sex sexuality. As such, homosexuality is a kind of reparative drive.” Here for more of these gems (click through some of their “resources”.)

Interestingly, I have not found any actual statistics on the rate of homosexuals being abused in their childhood, aside from a plethora of religious websites. Even the American Psychological Association website states: “There are numerous theories about the origins of a person's sexual orientation; most scientists today agree that sexual orientation is most likely the result of a complex interaction of environmental, cognitive and biological factors. In most people, sexual orientation is shaped at an early age. There is also considerable recent evidence to suggest that biology, including genetic or inborn hormonal factors, play a significant role in a person's sexuality. In summary, it is important to recognize that there are probably many reasons for a person's sexual orientation and the reasons may be different for different people.

Is Sexual Orientation a Choice?

"No, human beings cannot choose to be either gay or straight. Sexual orientation emerges for most people in early adolescence without any prior sexual experience. Although we can choose whether to act on our feelings, psychologists do not consider sexual orientation to be a conscious choice that can be voluntarily changed.”

This has been a difficult semester for me, and I know that I should feel free to stand up and say “This is ridiculous!” but I need some advice on how to handle this. I thought about emailing both the original professor and the guest professor and ask exactly where these statistics are and explain how I did some research and could not find anything other than Christian websites. You would think Sociology professors would know to question the source, but you never know.

What are your thoughts? Have you ever experienced anything like this?

(PS – don’t get me started on the day in class when A. did her presentation on Abercrombie & Fitch being sued for keeping minority and overweight employees off the sales floor. Guess what her sweatshirt proudly said across her chest. ABERCROMBIE).

MissBimbo.com, Where Breast Implants are Only 11,500 Bimbo Dollars!

Thanks Jacks for the heads up on this one...

Imagine you were a 7 year old girl. Done? Good. Now imagine someone told you about this awesome game where you competed to become the "hottest, coolest, most famous bimbo." Done? Ok. Now imagine you could attain that by purchasing your "bimbo" boob jobs and by putting her on crash diets. Fan-fucking-tastic. You think i'm joking? I seriously couldn't make this stuff up if i tried.

A new website that launched last month in the UK encourages girls to compete against each other by earning "bimbo dollars" to purchase things like sexy outfits, plastic surgery, and diet pills. (Breast implants cost 11,500 bimbo dollars, diet pills cost 200 bimbo dollars). When new members register, they are provided with a naked virtual bimbo to "look after."

The aim is to become 'the coolest, richest and most famous bimbo in the whole world' and gamers must keep her at her the target weight through diet pills.

When they run out of virtual cash, contestants send texts costing £1.50 each or transfer funds to top up their accounts.

The creator of MissBimbo.com, Nicolas Jacquart, weighed in:

The 23-year-old Web designer from Tooting, south London, who created it was quoted in the Daily Mail as saying: "It is not a bad influence for young children. They learn to take care of their bimbos. The missions and goals are morally sound and teach children about the real world."

He added: "The breast operations are just one part of the game and we are not encouraging young girls to have them, just reflecting real life."

My birthday is coming up - can someone gift wrap this fool for me so i can punch him in the face? Thanks.

This is just one step away from Real Doll (Enter at your own risk, graphic nudity)

YUCK.

(oh and not to mention "MISS" Bimbo... couldn't she have at least been a Ms?)

America's Next Top Model... Holy Cow!

Hi, my name is feministgal and I'm an ANTM-aholic.

Seriously. America's Next Top Model (for all you non-acronym folk) is currently and has been for quite some time (cough:10 seasons now:cough) my secret vice. I don't get enthralled in tabliods or have secret randevous with TMZ.com... I just can't get over ANTM. Secretly, it's because I have a hardcore crush on Tyra and her fierce self. So i watch ANTM and rarely feel guilty doing it. That is, until this season. Usually one or two things each cycle push me over the edge enough to write a letter, bitch about it, or girlcott whatever "product" they were using in the photoshoot that week. This season however, is off to an especially brutal start. There have only been 4 episodes so far but Tyra has already managed to:

1. Pose the girls as homeless people in the streets of NY, among actual homeless people...

2. Cast a thin, very fit, not at all "plus size" model as her token plus size model of the cycle...

3. Pull off a photo shoot where the girls are dressed in raw meat, modeling among meat, and holding meat...

I'll focus on numero tres. The meat episode is troubling for a number of reasons. Firstly, it's really disgusting. Secondly, it's absolutely wasteful and inhumane. Thirdly, it acts as a methaphor for woman = piece of meat. What disturbs me most is the wastefulness.

The girls were sent to New York's meat packing district and dressed up in bras and panties made of beef. No joke. They were sewn together pieces of dead cow. Come on, tell me you aren't troubled by that. Even the biggest carnivore should gag a bit. They used meat hooks and swinging carcasses as props while they sat on buckets of raw beef. In light of America's current beef situation and waterboarding cows ANTM should be incredibly embarrassed for this episode. What did they do with all that beef after they were done with the shoot? Was it discarded? Probably... i mean, they used it as props. Were the sewn together pieces of raw meat given to soup kitchens? Probably not. They were probably tossed in the garbage. I won't even "get on my high horse" and talk about why eating mass produced meat is disgusting, inhumane, and unsustainable but I will absolutely point out how wasteful that episode was. I wish they had given all that food to NY's homeless population, whom they just posed with two episodes ago, instead of wasting it on costumes and accessories. Ew.

Last season i was impressed with ANTM's intentions and efforts to "Go Green" but they absolutely ruined it for me with this disgustingly wasteful and inhumane episode. Anyone else have a secret fetish for ANTM? Anyone else more than a bit skeeved?

Vaginas and Triathlons

Can you tell that coming up with blog titles is not one of my strengths?

Vaginas:
Over the weekend, Jenna and I went to see the Vagina Monologues. We thought they were pretty good minus the crowd participation (cunt monologue) and creepy old guy listening to us talk about sex (actual event rather than a monologue.) My favorites were The Moaner and My Angry Vagina. Jenna made a great observation about the Angry Vagina performance - she noticed that the woman performing was wearing a tie. Although it looked damn cool, we couldn't help but see the tie as a symbol of masculinity, thus power. This monologue was intended to be the most "in your face," bold, and forceful; so why did she need the symbol of masculinity to achieve that? Could she have gotten the same message and attitude across in a dress? Masculinity and symbols of masculinity represent power and control to this day. Suits, ties, sports cars, swords, anything remotely phallic are all examples. Even "successful" and "powerful" women are those things in masculine terms (think Hillary Clinton and her pant suits...) So... Although her vagina was angry and her monologue was powerful and bold, i wish her vagina could have been angry in a frilly pink dress with lace.

Triathlons:
Beans and I just got back from a 4-mile trail run, It was terrific :)
Now that the weather is warming up here in CT and i have two training partners (Jenna and Beans,) I don't have any more excuses for not completing a triathlon. I'm aiming for either July or Sept, depending on the tri we pick... My first race of the season is this weekend; Jenna and I are running the O'Niantic 5K in honor of St. Patty's Day :)

Sports, exercise, and staying active are incredibly important, especially for women and girls. Sports have been shown to help girls develop self-esteem and positive body image. I think it's crucial for girls to learn at a young age that their body is an entity of power and strength rather than sexuality and aesthetics. Yes, part of everyone's identity should absolutely be sexuality but girls and women are constantly hypersexualized in the media and when girls are bombarded with stereotypical images and nothing else, it's difficult to establish a balance. This is where staying active and participating in team sports comes in: teaches girls collaboration, competition, strength in their bodies, winning/losing, positive attitudes, etc. Smirking Cat posted about the benefits of sports for girls a while back, referencing the Women's Sports Foundation. Did you play sports as a kid? If so, how did they benefit you? How does staying active benefit you now, as an adult? ;)

A Fat Rant

A friend sent me this video, i thought it was fantastic!

Check it out, definitely worth the 7 minutes :)

Joy's ultimate message: "Stop putting life on hold." This rings true for all of us. She talks about a phenomenon that i've seen way too often. Friends will talk excitedly to me about these amazing plans they have for when they drop X amount of pounds. They plan to find their soul mate, get better jobs, go on a tropical vacation (in bikinis!), start going out more, buying "cute" clothes, whatever. As if the only thing stopping them from doing those things is their weight. No. If you want to do all those things and more, do them NOW. Go swimming NOW, start dating again NOW, look for a new job NOW, buy that kick ass dress you've been scoping out NOW; not when you lose X number of pounds but NOW. Seriously. What are you waiting for?!

The reason it is so important to stop waiting and start living is two-fold:

1. Waiting for life to start when you drop the weight sets you up for failure. It leads you to believe that the only thing that can possibly be "wrong" with you is how you look and once you look a certain way things are going to magically fall into place. This is very much not the case. Thin people have issues too, lots of issues actually. Weight should SO not be the "issue" that stops you from living life. Life's too short and there are way too many other things out there to worry about. Being thin doesn't miraculously rid you of stuff you've been putting off because you thought your biggest problem was "fat." Also, being thin won't magically solve all your other problems. There's this crazy misconception that thin = happy. I know many unhappy thin people. Being thin won't solve the problems you've been avoiding because you thought they'd go away as soon as you shed those pounds... which brings me to my next point...

2. In the video Joy talks about people using "fat" as a constant ingrained excuse. I think she's right on and explains it much better than i could:

They're not gonna hire me, i'm fat. He'd never ask me out, i'm fat... As if that is the only thing that could possibly be wrong with me! How about i'm late all the time? How about i'm mean to people? I have this automatic excuse. I never have to work on any other aspects of my personality. The only thing that anyone could possibly have a problem with is the fact that i'm fat.

Joy goes on to say, "FAT is a descriptive physical characteristic. It's not an insult, or an obscenity, or a death sentence." And she's right. So stop putting life on hold. I don't care if you're fat, thin, whatever - stop using weight as an excuse, get out there and start living!

Poetry Slam Shazaam!

Last weekend D and I went to a poetry slam with some new friends. We had a really great time out. It was an awesome night for many reasons:

1.) Because making "adult friends" is tough enough, let alone finding people with similar interests

2.) Ever since we got Beans we've had absolutely no social life (it's hard only being out for under 6 hours at a time)

3.) Poetry slams are apparently very intense

4.) Jenna is a terrific judge, an honest and fair critic ;)

5.) The girl who wrote about gerbils creeped me out... but in a good way, and i really liked her poem

6.) The hours my college roommates and I spent honing our stalking skills came in handy when I really wanted to post my favorite poem of the night for ya'll here to enjoy:

Girdle
By Tracy Caldwell AKA Mind Evolution (2006)

In the 60's they were burning their bras
In the 06 im burning my girdle
Because a girl should not be tortured like this
I'm sorry if you can't handle the fact that i'm fat
But everyone can't be a size 4
And i'm not taking it no more
No longer will I wear undergarments
That squeeze my rools into other places
And there are more than a few woman in here
Tying to keep straight faces
Wile their panties are cutting of circulation
Tying to please a nation that can never be pleased
Cuz it's obesity if you're too big
And if you're too small
It's the skinny woman's disease
Anorexia or bulimia
But believe me when I tell ya
I love my food to much to be throwing it up
And damn it I earned this gut
By giving birth to 2 boys and 2 girls
And there is at least one man in this world
That can't resist these childbearing hips
And he knows he has to come equipped if he wants to be spending time with all of this
Big girls if you feel me let me see you raise your fist
Gentlemen that agree
Let me see you do the same
Cause its a shame
More than half the female population is a size 12 or up
But its always a skinny person
Telling you, you need to shape up

Cocaine and thinness

Does anyone read the Post Secret blog?

Many postcards they receive break my heart, this one though was especially saddening...

"fat-fingering"

Sounds dirty doesn't it?

Unfortunately it's not. It's actually a term that was used today in a HIPAA refresher training i had to sit through. The presenter's recurring use of the term "fat-fingering" to imply typing passwords, email addresses, phone numbers, etc, incorrectly left me alarmed. Weightist attitudes are a huge problem in our society and weightist comments are much more socially accepted nowadays than racist, sexist, or homophobic ones even though they are just as discriminatory. The problem of weight bias is very real and can be just as oppressive as the other "isms" we fight against. Since the presenter is also the same guy who does the cultural diversity trainings for our company (HAHA!), i know that he didn't mean to be offensive by using "fat-fingering" and probably didn't even realize he was saying anything wrong. The problem that i see with it is that using the term with a negative connotation only further perpetuates weightist attitudes. Whoever said "fat is a feminist issue" hit the nail right one the head...

Weight bias can interfere with getting a job, obtaining fair health care, being promoted, and being treated equally in general. I don't mean to be the p.c. police here, and i swear that as a feminist i have learned to pick my battles. I realize that he was simply using a term that may have been thrown around (although i must admit i've never heard it before) but the truth is, a lot of discrimination is intrinsic and unintentional. I don't think that all people who say discriminatory things are terrible people, i think a lot of them don't realize the effect of their words and/or never took the time out to consider it.

For example, i've mentioned before that i work at a substance abuse clinic and see a diverse population of clients. A year and a half ago a client walked into my office for an appointment in a really bad mood. As we started talking through why she was pissed, she explained that, "the chink at the nail salon jewed me!" Holy Shit, WHAT?! Yea... You'd imagine i had an incredibly had time navigating between remaining unbias for my job to maintain the rapport i've established with her and wanting to shake the hell out of her based on my feminist values. What did i do? I calmly repeated back to her what she said and explained how offensive she was being to a number of different racial/ethnic groups. She said she knew "chink" was offensive but was really angry (and offending the Asian woman was a defensive mechanism) yet didn't realize "jewed" was a bad thing to say. I explained that "jewed" was based on the concept that jews are cheap, to which she said, "well aren't they?" I don't know ya'll, what then? It's not my job to teach her social politics, or even manners for that matter. Being a Jew, I had a hard time with that. I tried to explain the background to terms like "jewed" and "gyped" and relate them to race because she was a quick one to speak up when the counselors were being racist. I related the words she used to "jimmied" which seemed to do the trick and she quickly understood.

Tangents aside, words have power that people do not intend them to. A lot of the time this creates problems because people don't think before they speak. We are constantly bombarded with social messages that are nothing but discriminatory and perpetuate white/male/hetero/"good looking"/Christian/etc. norms. It takes a lot of effort to walk through life with a constant critical lens and those who do it seem to bitch, rant, and rave, a lot (i very much included). It's easier to ignore the status quo but like the pin i got from one of my favorite teachers, Marita, says, "if you want peace, work for justice."

Back to the original point (sorry, i'm pretty distracted tonight,) weightism is not ok. Not only is it not okay but it's one of those means of discrimination that is often overlooked and not acknowledged making it even less ok. Especially with the current push out there to get everyone "fit" (by whatever means necessary, i.e. The Biggest Loser). Now please don't get me wrong, "thin" doth not "fit" and "healthy" make. There's this overarching concept (read: misconception) out there that thin = beautiful = happy. This equation is faulty on many levels. Firstly, thin does not equal beautiful. Many a woman is absolutely gorgeous with curves (to link a few media crazed examples.) Next, even thin & "beautiful" does not equal happy. There are many "beautifully" miserable women out there as well (i simply couldn't resist). Now i'm all about being fit and healthy, hell, i'm the loudest proponent of women lifting weights, staying active, being strong, kicking ass out there... but not because media tells us what is "beautiful." Overweight women (more so than men) are constantly overlooked. How many plus-size female CEOs do you know? Now think, how many male CEOs that you know are plus-sized. Exactly. Once again we are whacked with the double standard stick.

As much as i hate the idea of "i lived for a minute in an oppressed person's shoes [or fat suit] so now i know their struggle," Tyra Banks did a show where she wore a "fat suit" for a day and, followed by her cameras, "experienced" the trials and tribulations of being discriminated against because of weight. Although a lot felt off about the whole thing, it did bring light to the issue of weightism in our society to an audience that may have not considered it prior, this i believe to be a success.

For what it's worth, the presenter that used the term, "fat-fingering" apologized and commented on how glad he was that i was comfortable enough bringing this directly to him (read: and not going over his head). But really folks, he must not know me... He said he never considered that it may be offensive and will find a different term for future trainings.

Many a time i've had people read my blog only to comment that i "read into shit too much" and i need to "calm down and not take things so seriously." I guess i'll get preemptively defensive on this one: if you think that weightism and fat-hate doesn't exist, please see here. Not only does it exist (as represented on the video) in mainstream America, but also within the feminist community (check out the comments that correspond with the post.)

(oh and p.s. it's De-Lurking Week so please leave a comment or just say "hey, sup?" :) I'd love to see who reads and especially what your thoughts are. Feel free to leave post ideas and comments with what you love/hate. Also, leave a link to your blog, if you have, for me to check it out! I'd enjoy reading what you have to say!)