In Light of International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers

Sarah made me aware that today is International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers. As such i'd like to repost a comment that a woman made, in regards to how she's been feeling post her attack.

Last week a University of Michigan Law School student sought help from the police after being assaulted by an associate professor at the university, Yaron Eliav.

Not only were the police unsympathetic to her, stating that she herself engaged in criminal activities by selling sex services, but many members of the community have spoken out, against the law student, through Above the Law, a law school online network.

Like Feministe, i think her voice deserves to be heard. She needs a safe forum to speak up and tell her story. No one deserves to be assaulted. Sex workers are human beings with human rights who deserve to be safe, in all situations, whether or not they are engaging in sex work. This is why i am reposting her comment here. I wish her all the best and truly feel for her in this difficult time:

Dear Law School,

I’m the girl who got into the mess with the professor. I posted a version of this in the comments on ATL, because using my uniquename email on lawopen means outing myself, which gives the press permission to publish my name. Fortunately, one of my classmates has offered to transmit this message to you on my behalf. Those of you who don’t know who I am yet will find out soon enough.

Most of you probably don’t know what it’s like to push a boxcutter into your own wrist and neck. Or what it’s like to walk home from the psych ward, and set to the task of cleaning a room covered in your own blood. Or how humiliating and degrading it is to be penetrated against your will. You probably read the newspaper story, but you should know that it contained factual errors, and that it omitted significant details from the police report. I had no idea what I was walking into, and I’m lucky that I’ve made it through alive.

A month after I was assaulted, I attempted suicide over the whole mess. I’ve been unable to sleep or study, for fear of this story being published. I’ve had PTSD rape dreams. Everything I’ve worked for my entire life, personally, academically, professionally, has been harmed, and I’ve spent $20,000 trying to put it all right again. And I have, in fact, been prosecuted and will be required to pay a debt to society. All I can hope is that the bar will see that this was an aberrant moment in the life of a severely depressed, suicidal, isolated person.

Reading some of your comments makes me want to go crawl under a rock and never come out. But some of your comments have made me think that maybe I can show my face again. It’s difficult reading all of these things written about me without being able to offer an explanation/defense/vignette:

I worked my way through undergrad on my own, doing crazy hours on top of a full course-load. In fact, I’ve worked every kind of menial, low-paid job since I was 15; I’ve never thought I was above any kind of work, or better than anyone else I worked with, because we were all there together. But last semester I’d been so depressed that I could barely even get myself to class, let alone keep up with my finances. In April I realized I couldn’t pay the rent for May, and my parents weren’t an option. Nor was anyone else, because there weren’t really very many people in my life at that time. The housing crisis made it so that I couldn’t get an additional loan without a co-signer. I should have found some other way, but at the time none of my thoughts were very healthy.

I love the law just as much as you do, and I like to think about the ways that it shapes the world we live in. I watch a lot of movies, and go to the gym when I can. I have dear friends at other law schools who I try to keep in touch with. I’m a quiet, introverted, sensitive person; I think I’ve read every post on lawopen and ATL, and taken them all very personally. I used to be a proud atheist, but now I know that God saved my life the night I tried to take it. I also know that God kept the man in that hotel room from killing me, because he was completely out-of-control.

I went to the police the following morning because my vision was blurred from having been hit in the face. The bruises from his belt didn’t go away for a week. I later found out that this man had targeted other sex workers, making him a serial sexual sadist. Violent men target sex workers because they know sex workers are isolated, fearful, and ashamed, and won’t go to the police.

Going to the police seems like a stupid move, as many of you have pointed out. But I was afraid for the next woman he “contracted with.” And I felt so worthless and used that I didn’t care about throwing everything I’d ever worked for. I felt so terrible, and I thought that the police would make it right… that’s what the justice system is about, right?

It’s clear to me now that the AAPD thinks this is funny. That’s why they’re not going through with the assault charge.

What I did was wrong, and I’m a criminal for having done it. But if this had been any other misdemeanor like drug use/possession, DUI, public intoxication, open container, gambling, vandalism, petty theft, or simple assault, there wouldn’t have been a two-page article in the paper. And if you got rid of all of the lawyers who had done one of the above at some point, there’d be a severe shortage.

I also feel compelled to say that despite what many of you have expressed, I am not disease-ridden; my lifetime number is still under 20. I consider myself to be well-informed in the area of reproductive rights and health, and I think everyone has a responsibility to inform their partners of their sexual history, not just sex workers. I’m recently tested, and I don’t have AIDS, herpes, Hep B, syphilis, the clap, or chancroid. And I don’t judge those people who have contracted an STD at some point, because if you’re not a virgin, you take a calculated risk every time you have sex. If you have had sex with more than one person and you don’t have a viral STD, it’s because you’re lucky.

I’m not writing because I want pity. I’m writing because the future lawyers who read this need to understand that the answer is seldom ‘yes’ or ‘no,’ but often ‘it depends.’ Good people do bad things sometimes, for a variety of reasons. The reason we have ‘bright line’ rules is because there is so much gray out there. And it’s only through compassion and understanding that anyone is able to make sense of it all. My crime was a cry for help.

Finally, I wish to apologize for having brought negative attention to this prestigious law school. But I expect that every amazing thing you do will outshine my mistake- it really is an honor to be a member of such an accomplished community of people. I hope that you won’t shun me, or completely expel me from social/academic/service life at the University. Many seem to think about this as if it were some complicated hypothetical on a Torts exam. But, I’m still the same girl you knew before. And right now I’m struggling with the reality of public humiliation. I haven’t directly talked to any of you about this because I imagine some of you will want to distance yourselves from me, and I don’t wish to impose myself upon you; I don’t really know who I can still call a friend, but I’ll find out soon enough.

- That 2L Girl (’A’ & ‘384′ on ATL)

Olbermann: Gay Marriage is a Question of Love

If you watch nothing else today, please watch this:



My favorite part:

With so much hate in the world, with so much meaningless division, and people pitted against people for no good reason, this is what your religion tells you to do? With your experience of life and this world and all its sadnesses, this is what your conscience tells you to do?

With your knowledge that life, with endless vigor, seems to tilt the playing field on which we all live, in favor of unhappiness and hate... this is what your heart tells you to do? You want to sanctify marriage? You want to honor your God and the universal love you believe he represents? Then Spread happiness—this tiny, symbolic, semantical grain of happiness—share it with all those who seek it.

via season of the bitch

As Racist as Ever...

To those of you who think we're living in a post-racist nation. Think again. America is still filled with hatred, fear, and most definitely, racism.

Apparently Obama is a "second stringer" because he is black and Palin will make a good VP because she is filled with "the holy spirit."

Some of the other things said about Obama?

"I'm afraid if he wins, the blacks will take over"

"This is a Christian nation! What is our country going to end up like?!"

"When you got a nigger running for president, he aint a first stringer. He's definitely a second stringer."

"He's related to a known terrorist"

"Just the whole... Muslim thing... and everything..."

"Obama and his wife, i'm concerned that they are anti-white and that he might hide that"

"I don't like the fact that he thinks us white people are trash"

"Baby killer"





Thanks Maggie for sending this video along. As difficult as it is to watch, it's important to see...

Teen Pregnancy, Sex Ed, and the American Media

On the way into work i got stuck in traffic like i frequently do. The radio station i usually listen to was discussing the "increased rate of teen pregnancy in the U.S. and how the media is to blame." A woman called in and emphatically discussed something along the lines of "girls nowadays are sluts who get preggers because Juno romanticized sex and teen pregnancy." Wow. That's a bold statement to make at 7 in the morning... I hoped the DJs would dispute her but instead they agreed. They declared that pop-culture like Juno, the Gloucester High pregnancy pact (how is this pop-culture? don't ask me,) and Jamie Lynn Spears are to blame for teenage pregnancy.

Really? Because I thought the U.S.'s affinity for abstinence-only sex education is to blame.

Oh wait, it is.

In fact, "abstinence-only efforts appear to have little positive impact, more comprehensive sex education programs [have] positive outcomes including teenagers delaying the initiation of sex, reducing the frequency of sex, reducing the number of sexual partners and increasing condom or contraceptive use."

So much research is coming out showing us that abstinence-only education is completely ineffective, a total waste of money, and carried on exclusively by the Bush administration. Still, here are some of the abstinence-only lessons that take place in classrooms around the country everyday:

"A peppermint patty is unwrapped and passed around the class. Once returned, the teacher asks if a student would like to eat it. The teacher is instructed to ask, 'Why is this patty no longer appealing?' The answer they give is 'No one wants food that has been passed around. Neither would you want your future husband or wife to have been passed around."

"Men sexually are like microwaves and women sexually are like crockpots… a woman is stimulated more by touch and romantic words. She is far more attracted by a man’s personality while a man is stimulated by sight. A man is usually less discriminating about those to whom he is physically attracted.”

Wow... way to generalize, take part in heteronormative language, and not give men any credit or freedom of thought...

“Girls need to be aware they may be able to tell when a kiss is leading to something else. The girl may need to put the brakes on first in order to help the boy.”

“A guy who wants to respect girls is distracted by sexy clothes and remembers her for one thing. Is it fair that guys are turned on by their senses and women by their hearts?”

Holy crap... I really don't even know what to say about this one...

“One thing that sex education and the media fail to communicate is the power of sex. Spies, who are trained not to give away government secrets, even lose their sensibilities and give in to the power of sex, often because of what a woman is wearing.”

haha... nice... what about ninjas though? ;)

“Each time a sexually active person gives that most personal part of himself or herself away, that person can lose a sense of personal value and worth. It all comes down to self-respect.”

What is with the self-respect/self-esteem bit!? Ugh! I absolutely agree that a developed sense of self-esteem is incredibly important to adolescents and teens, especially girls, but threatening that they will have low self-esteem if they engage in sexual behavior is not the way to increase self-worth.

But I digress... the radio show i was listening to got into a discussion of ABC Family's new tween series The Secret Life of the American Teenager, which i'll admit i watched last week and yesterday... They said this show, too, will contribute to an increase of teen pregnancy because the main character, Amy, becomes pregnant after the first time she has sex (at band camp nonetheless...) Truth is I absolutely love Degrassi: The Next Generation and hoped that The Secret Life would be an American counterpart to the progressive, smart, and educational Canadian show. It isn't. In fact, it's not like Degrassi at all. After looking into The Secret Life a bit more i learned that it is written by Brenda Hampton from who i have learned to expect nothing other than faith based "family values" bullshit. Brenda is most famously known for writing 7th Heaven. After 11 seasons of that god awful show (no pun intended) hasn't Hampton shoved enough conservative propaganda down America's throats?!

I was disappointed after i realized The Secret Life would be nothing like Degrassi because with the lack of comprehensive sex education in the U.S. i was really looking forward to a show unafraid to tackle serious issues like Degrassi did. Degrassi too examined teen pregnancy - from two sides actually. Manny's pregnancy ended with an abortion. Liberty also got pregnant in the series and gave the baby up for adoption. They also had episodes in two different seasons on eating disorders, one where Emma suffers from anorexia so badly that she is hospitalized and another where Toby attempts to "make weight" for wresting by using laxatives. Degrassi tackled rape, cutting, stalking, plastic surgery, coming out, mental health, relationship violence, ableism, drug use, guns at school, and so many other relevant and important issues. Good for Canada, i'm really glad there's a show like Degrassi out there to hopefully balance out the crap like The Secret Life of an American Teenager.

(in the above Degrassi banner alone the scenes are a same sex couple kissing, Manny finding out she's pregnant, Ellie cutting herself, and a drug overdose...whoa! Bet you'll start watching the show now too!)

The other interesting thing i learned while looking up fun Degrassi facts was that although the show was picked up by The-N, certain episodes and scenes were cut and not allowed to air in America. The network aired Liberty's pregnancy (she's the one that kept the baby and gave it up for adoption) but refused to air the episode where Manny has an abortion. The episode was finally shown two and a half years later in a "Degrassi Marathon" in the middle of the night... yea...

In the very first episode of The Secret Life of an American Teenager, Amy, the quiet, shy, inexperienced, band girl, has sex for her first time, gets pregnant, and explores her "options" with her two best girl friends: "Her friends tell her she has options, but abortion is apparently not one of them; that choice is dismissed right away in horrified tones. The despairing Amy does not even know the baby’s father well enough to tell him, and he probably wouldn’t care; he’s a cad in the high school band who sleeps with as many girls as he can because, viewers quickly learn, he has low self-esteem."

To me all this is just so cliche. Obviously, you can get pregnant the first time you have sex... but this scenario as a plot is just getting a bit old. It would be nice to see a character get knocked up because the condom breaks or because she's on antibiotics and doesn't realize that they decrease the efficiency of her birth control pill. I mean really, aren't writers supposed to be a bit more creative? Unless this show is purely written to scare teens out of having sex. Oh wait, it is...

Want a summary of the show? Ok, here it is, pay close attention:

Sex is bad. Sex will make you pregnant. Sex will cause low low low self-esteem.

Scarring children away from having sex by teaching them that the first time they have it they will become pregnant, immediately have low self-esteem, and will become terrible people is inadequate sex education.

The only exciting thing about this show: the school "bad boy stud" is in the marching band! word :)

A post I really wanted to link but didn't know how to tie it in here: "Too Young, Too Pregnant"

Recognizing Our Own Limitations, Mistakes, & Needs as a Movement

I wasn't going to touch any of this. I really wasn't. For lots of different reasons that ranged from being scared to feeling like it wasn't my place. Scared not in the physical sense but rather that someone would find fault in what i say. Also scared that i wouldn't be able to do it justice and wouldn't be able to find the right words to say what i mean. Then i read two things that made me change my mind and search for the words, even if they are flawed or naive.

First i read Latoya's post in which she wrote "Now, I am sure that some non-allies are confused at this one. They are neutral. They can see both sides. They want everyone to just come together already and fight the real problem, not realizing that their silence is part of the real problem." Then Sarah's, "And at the same time we all need to know that there are times when I do need to shut up and listen. There will always be people whose lived experience gives them a right to speak out about racism and homophobia and transphobia and poverty and many other things that I have simply never experienced." Sarah ended on the note which i'd like to start, "Those voices are not more important because they are white. They are important because they are making that chorus louder. If there are enough of us, we WILL be heard."

Latoya talked about exactly what i was doing. Staying neutral, waiting for all this to pass, and hoping for everyone to work things out so that we could all once again come together and fight the real enemy: patriarchy. But then i remembered two things, with the help of several very smart women: 1. sexism isn't our only enemy and 2. feminism isn't without faults and the feminist movement is historically notorious for excluding nearly as many people as patriarchy itself.

And although I realize i'm not a mainstream blog and definitely don't have as much readership and traffic as many of the women i admire, i do have a voice and a place in the blogosphere. People are writing about this and it's a conversation that needs to continue. So i too will speak up, because i shouldn't be scared to or feel bullied out of it (even if my fear is unwarranted or misperceived, it stems from somewhere).

I realize that lots of people who read my blog do so because they know me personally, rather than because they are involved in the feminist blog scene. For those people i will quickly summarize what's been going on. For my readers who are here because of the feminist blogosphere and know what i'm talking about, please excuse the entirely too abridged version of past events.

Basically, the feminist movement continues to be flawed and has difficulty acknowledging the racism within. I doubt many people will disagree with me there. It all blew up a few weeks back when BrownFemiPower took down her blog as a reaction to Amanda Marcotte's article for the Alternet in which Amanda used many of the same points and thoughts that BFP has written. Amanda is white, she also has a book deal. This is important because it got discussed a whole lot during the controversy. But it's not the point. Or at least it shouldn't be. More importantly is that BFP, a powerful, thought provoking, WoC, was no longer comfortable and able to share her voice with us. Fast forward to the past few days and the racist images in Amanda's new book. Now BlackAmazon has also left the scene. Amanda apologized about the illustrations in her book. She said, "I didn’t pick the offensive imagery... but I should have caught it sooner than now" Really?! How the F did you not notice it? As a self proclaimed feminist writer, and a feminist publisher, how can you miss something that obviously racist? Here or here for more. The issue (IMO) isn't the conflict between Amanda supporters versus WoC supporters, it's that WoC don't feel like they have a place within feminism. That right there is where we have all failed.

Like i said, really really abridged.

How in the world did Amanda not notice the blatant racism until so late? I'd love to accept her apology but i'm really struggling to understand all this (the current situation she's gotten herself into as well as numerous others). It's gotten equally as difficult to accept her words as it is to identity with the same feminism that she believes in.

Also, I understand it's frustrating and down right infuriating to tolerate racism in the name of education, and no, it isn't solely the responsibility of WoC to educate white feminists in how to be feminist. It's all of our responsibility. Not to police each other but to challenge one another to become stronger, more enlightened, to value each other more, and to become more united in the end. Again, i'll echo Sarah's words "if there are enough of us, we WILL be heard."

All that said, this open letter to white feminists also got me thinking. Mostly because it said everything i wish i had thought to and linked more people than i ever could.

When anyone (including but not limited to WoC) is pushed out of the blogosphere, silenced, or in any other way oppressed, we as a movement have failed. The moment feminism discriminates, we as a movement have failed. The instant someone no longer feels comfortable or able to speak up, we as a movement have failed. So what does this mean? Should we all pack it in? Well no, i don't think that's the answer at all. In fact, i really really hope that more WoC don't do that. It serves no purpose to the greater good at all. I understand it may serve them a purpose of self-preservation but as far as the greater good, i don't see quitting as the answer at all. I think that we, as white feminists, have to recognize not only our privilege and our responsibility but also our limitations. Although i don't believe you have to directly experience oppression to fight against it, sometimes realizing that we may not understand the whole experience is crucial in providing the ability to listen. We desperately need not only to listen to each other but hear one another. We need to ask questions, continue dialog, and learn. Silencing ourselves and each other serves no purpose. Rather listening, challenging, and communicating teaches us all important lessons.

Gender and race intersect at many points. Just as gender and sexuality do. Finding the ability and creating the opportunity to listen to and learn from those who directly experience the oppression we write about (even if we may or may not experience it) helps create the unity we need to challenge oppression as a movement. Also, white women should not be the face or voice of feminism. White women should especially not react so violently and defensively to criticism. How can we begin to learn from one another when we can't chill the fuck out and listen? I understand that personal is political and i even understand how difficult all of this is for so many highly intelligent and currently frustrated people but we need to unite as a movement and regain our focus.

I'm not saying disregard all that has happened. Not at all. In fact, i'm saying we should use this as a catalyst to tackle the racism within feminism and make the movement stronger. We should all continue to challenge ourselves, admit our mistakes, learn from them, and unite.

Thomas Beatie on Oprah

Let's talk about Thomas Beatie. My mom excitedly emailed me yesterday that Thomas would be on Oprah so i TiVoed it... Oprah's show was Thomas' first TV interview.

If you're unfamiliar with Thomas' story, here's a brief recap in his own words via Advocate.com:

"I am transgender, legally male, and legally married to Nancy. Unlike those in same-sex marriages, domestic partnerships, or civil unions, Nancy and I are afforded the more than 1,100 federal rights of marriage. Sterilization is not a requirement for sex reassignment, so I decided to have chest reconstruction and testosterone therapy but kept my reproductive rights. Wanting to have a biological child is neither a male nor female desire, but a human desire.

Ten years ago, when Nancy and I became a couple, the idea of us having a child was more dream than plan. I always wanted to have children. However, due to severe endometriosis 20 years ago, Nancy had to undergo a hysterectomy and is unable to carry a child. But after the success of our custom screen-printing business and a move from Hawaii to the Pacific Northwest two years ago, the timing finally seemed right. I stopped taking my bimonthly testosterone injections. It had been roughly eight years since I had my last menstrual cycle, so this wasn’t a decision that I took lightly. My body regulated itself after about four months, and I didn’t have to take any exogenous estrogen, progesterone, or fertility drugs to aid my pregnancy."


Lots of people are really bothered by this... let's talk about why.

Before we get into anything, I will preemptively answer some questions that i've either heard or read over the past few days:

Q. But doesn't that mean he's actually a she?
A. Well no. Gender and sex are two very different things. Gender is how you act. It's how you present yourself and how you want to be viewed by others. Sex is your genitals and reproductive organs. (In Thomas' case, just to be clear, he has a penis - his clitoris enlarged as a result of taking testosterone, he does not have a surgically constructed penis - as well as female reproductive organs sans breasts). Maleness and femaleness include many different things such as: reproductive capabilities, the way a person presents him/herself and acts in the world, the person's ability to "pass" and mostly, what the individual feels and believes s/he is. Long story short, No, Thomas is not a woman. Thomas is a man. He is also transgender.

Q. Ew! Isn't that weird?!
A. No. Just because it's not something you have come across before does not make it "weird," "gross," or in any way "wrong." Wrapping our brains around something unfamiliar to us is a wonderful thing, allow this to challenge your notions of maleness and femaleness instead of disregarding it. Also, dichotomous thinking is dangerous, wouldn't it be better if we all viewed life on a spectrum - right Jacks? ;)

Q. Oh my goodness, isn't the testosterone Thomas takes to keep his facial hair dangerous for the baby?!
A. No. Thomas has actually been off testosterone for two years before even trying to conceive. His hormone levels were absolutely normal when he got pregnant and are where they should be as he progresses in the pregnancy. On Oprah, when Thomas' doctor was asked this question she responded by saying, "this is a normal pregnancy." Which it, very much, is.

Q. (All very similar) 1. What about the poor child? This is absolutely sick. 2. What terrible parents! 3. I truly wonder what sort of problems the child will have in the future. This is going to be a mine field of problems I believe. Posted by: Dr. Ray of Cairns...
A. Well since Dr. Ray of Cairns, Australia says so, it must be true... Or not. But for real, folks, "love makes a family." This child is going to be raised in an open minded, accepting, and loving household. Isn't that all we can ask for any child being brought into the world? Nancy (Thomas' wife) has two gorgeous daughters from a previous marriage that were on the show yesterday as well. Oprah asked one of the daughters how she felt when Tracy made the decision to transition to Thomas, the daughter said, "He actually got to be who he is and there wasn't much confusion after that." Honestly, it's pretty simple. The daughters talked a lot about Thomas and Nancy's great relationship and that the they model their marriages after Nancy and Thomas. The daughters, like Nancy and Thomas, were very honest, straight-forward, and sincere. This is the type of family i want a child brought into. I don't think those "worried" about "this poor girl" need to fret, she will be brought up in a loving household where being yourself and being open minded towards others are valued characteristics. She will be loved. She will be educated. And (hopefully) she will be armed with the tools she needs to defend herself and her family's lifestyle from those individuals that can't accept anything out of the "ordinary."

Q. Why on earth would this couple want all this sensationalist publicity? (AKA "Fine, whatever, they're pregnant, but why are they making this such a big deal and going public with it? Couldn't they have just been pregnant in their own home and kept quiet about it?)
A. Silence is never the answer. "Keeping it quiet" may be a fine solution for you but most people are extremely proud of their children and want to share with the world when they are pregnant. Why should this couple be any different? You have no right to silence anyone else simply because they don't fit in your definition of normal. Also, Thomas explained that they went public with this because they rather be the ones to tell their story than to have their story told by the tabloids and gossiping neighbors.

Q. (I don't want to link her post and thus give it more traffic but here's a question i found searching for info on the case) The day she decided to be a male and started artificial interference in her own body was the day as far as I am concerned that she ceased to have the right to carry a child as a mother. if she cared about having a child then she should not have artificially interfered with her sexuality.
A. Who the fuck are you to decide who "has the right" to carry a child and who doesn't? Also, Thomas made a statement yesterday regarding sexuality: "Sexuality is a completely different topic than how you feel, that's your gender. The gender role in society that i felt most comfortable being or gravitating to was the male gender role. It's hard to explain how it is a different issue. When i woke up in the morning, i felt like a man. it was difficult for society to respect me the way i felt on the inside if my outside didn't match it."

Q. Who the F cares? Why is this a big deal?
A. Well for Thomas and Nancy this pregnancy includes political, legal, and social consequences. They are legally married and Thomas is legally male. Because of this, Thomas' pregnancy may set political and medical precedents that don't only effect them but will effect others in the future. They have experienced discrimination not only from the community but also from health care professionals (I believe they said on Oprah that it took 9 doctors before finding one that accepted them and would take Thomas on as a patient). Not only that but Thomas expressed, due to their religious beliefs, "health care professionals refused to call him by a male pronoun or recognize Nancy as his wife."

Now that we got all of that out of the way, what's the problem? Why does Thomas and Nancy's nontraditional life bother so many people? Why is it so difficult for us to broaden our notions of sex, gender, and normalcy to allow Thomas and many others like Thomas (because even though they may not be pregnant, there are many transgender individuals trying to fit into these strictly binary definitions of sex and gender) in to our minds? Let's rewind pre-pregnancy for a second. Before Thomas become pregnant, his friends, family, community, and on lookers did not question his sex for a moment. He "passed" as a man. Why does that now change? Why do so many now disregard this story as, "so what, it's just a butch female having a baby?" My opinion? He is NOT a female having a baby. He is a male - legally, socially, (and for the most part) physiologically. Yes, Thomas may have the physical capabilities of a woman to give birth but he also does not have breasts. Does one outweigh the other? Well no. Thomas is a man. Thomas relates to himself and to others as male. Thomas is legally a male and before Thomas got pregnant, no one denied him of his "malehood." Why deny him now? Yes, i understand it's easier to reject what we are uncomfortable with than to expand our notions of categories but it is important to understand that not all people neatly fit into a category. Like i said, dichotomous thinking is dangerous. Don't deny Thomas the right to be what he is simply because you can't accept him into a binary or a social norm.

Male/Female argument aside, let's especially not ostracize Thomas and Nancy (as well as tons of other "nontraditional" couples) for making the choices that best fit into their lives. My vote is to not only accept and "tolerate" others but to celebrate everyone's differences, after all, isn't that how we all grow and learn from one another?

I'll end with a statement Thomas made yesterday on the show. In response to a question Oprah posed, Thomas asked the world to, "embrace the gamut of human possibility and to define for [yourself] what is normal"

What are some of your thoughts?
Let me just quickly say that ya'll know i moderate comments. Genuine questions and statement are always appreciated but just so you are forewarned, bigotry will not be tolerated.

What would YOU do?

I had an interesting afternoon yesterday. I usually go to the gym on Wednesdays after work, yesterday i didn't feel like it and wanted to get home to the puppy. I usually take the stairs up to my apartment, yesterday i was carrying tons of stuff and took the elevator...

I got onto the elevator on the first floor and there was a woman, my age, kneeling over in pain, crying. I asked the obvious question, "are you ok?" To which she told me the story of how her leg started hurting at 3pm that afternoon (it was 6pm) and continued to get progressively worse there after. She could barely drive home from work and had to pull over a number of times from the pain. She said she was from out of state and her insurance was "out of network" so it would cost too much to see a doctor. I told her from what i know of medicine (not very much) that it sounded like a blood clot and chances are, it wouldn't get better on its own. Then I offered to take her to the hospital. *

We had a hell of a time trying to get there... neither of us knew where the hospital was (note to readers: once you move in somewhere, learn where the closest hospital is in case of emergency!!) She was on the phone with her insurance and 911 dispatchers the entire time trying to make sure the ER visit would be covered and that we would be able to find the hospital. As we drove, the pain got increasingly worse to the point that she could barely breath... it was terrible, i have never seen someone in so much pain.

Once we got to the ER, we had to wait 15 minutes FOR A WHEELCHAIR (because she couldn't walk to get out of the car) and then another 10 minutes before she was triaged... she should have called an ambulance in the first place... she didn't want to have hospital bills pile up... American health care... another blog... ANYWAY, that's the story... I put my cell number into her phone in hope that this mysterious stranger i met in pain on the elevator calls me soon, so i know she's ok...

* Here is where the question comes in... would you have taken a total stranger to the hospital upon meeting her in the elevator in extreme pain? I told D that EVERYONE would because that's what people do for one another... D disagreed and out of the three people i told this story to last night, two exclaimed, "What were you thinking?! What if she was faking it so that she could rob you? What if she had a weapon in her purse?!"

Have we become this jaded and suspicious?
I don't live in constant fear. I don't think everyone is out to get me. I genuinely trust people until they prove me wrong... is this a dangerous way to live?

Would you offer a stranger in need, in desperate pain, a ride to the hospital?