Friday Feel Good: Celebrating ME! :)

Today is my birthday :) So i'm going to write about myself for a bit. I'm usually pretty modest but i wanted to take today to explain what i've been up to this summer, where i have disappeared lately, and why i won't be dedicating as much time as i wish i could to the blogosphere over the next few months.

I rarely disclose personal info here but i wanted to share a little so bear with me :) Firstly, as much as i love the fall, i can't let go of summer just yet so here are a few photos from my last few months.

Puerto Rico for the CPDD conference:

Michigan for family vacation:

Lots of camping with hot and tired puppies who needed to dig holes to stay cool :)

My nephew, Judah Asher, a few days after he was born :)

and me competing in and completing my first TRIATHLON! Swim, Bike, Run, FINISH!!!!

(yes i realize i need to get back into the weight room and start lifting again... i had to focus on lots and lots of cardio the past few months for training but i can't wait to bulk up a bit more again!)

Ok... Did you feel like you were watching your grandparents' slide show of an old family vacation?

This fall will be tough. I am working on applying to graduate schools - specifically ones that are in line with the work i hope to do within activism. It has been difficult to find faculty that conduct feminist research or research from a feminist perspective and conventional clinical psychology programs have not been too welcoming of my interests. I'm looking for programs committed to multiculturalism and diversity and ones that examine discrimination's effects on mental health and well being. Hopefully i will find a great fit and be in a whole new place in my life next fall.

Thanks for bearing with me as i blog less over the next few months, i promise i will be back on my game in January, once the application process is over. Don't worry though, my Google Reader is always on and i will be keeping up with all of your blogs!

Now back to the presidential debates (what a fun way to celebrate my birthday! haha) My favorite thing so far has been watching McCain fumble over any non-English word/name he tries to say...

Crafts, Triathlons, and BBC Radio :)

I'm alive, i swear :) Sorry i disappeared for a bit - i've had a number of things going on which i will share with you now:

Firstly, i started an Etsy shop!! For those of you unfamiliar with Etsy, it's a kickass site that allows you to buy and sell anything and everything homemade! I know for sure i'll be doing all my holiday shopping there this year because i am all about supporting follow artists as well as staying out of the malls during those busy weekends :)

I originally began making jewelry as a way to raise money for a local women's shelter - The Center for Women and Families. It was successful last year between Thanksgiving and the New Year when people felt generous but aside from that i did not have a venue to show and sell, thus to raise money. Etsy gave me the opportunity to set up an online shop where i can display, sell, buy, etc. I will be donating 50% of my earnings to the shelter so when people purchase from my shop they aren't just supporting me but also the health and safety of women and children in Connecticut. I write this not to drum-up business but so everyone knows where their money is going :) It's been such a blast already and a great online community of crafters! I must admit i have only sold one thing so far and i don't know how excited CWFEFC will be to receive a check for $3 but hey, every bit counts! I have been working on that like crazy over the past few weeks and wanted to share.

Second, as many of you know, i'm training for a triathlon... it's very soon (Sept 14th) and i'm freaking out a bit. I had a brief incident (mishap...) with a river last weekend but other than that, it's been smooth sailing. As long as there is no seaweed (my arch nemesis) in the river of the actual event, we'll be all set... i'll have more after the event, for now, send me fast and strong vibes :)

Lastly, I was on BBC's WORLD Have Your Say radio program this afternoon speaking on sexual harassment. The question was "how should women react to sexual harassment?" Although i didn't get nearly enough talk time, it was an interesting conversation to be apart of. Check out their blog and the discussion going on there at WHYS, there are over 300 responses so far! They contacted me via HollaBackCT and asked if i'd be the US speaker in the group. It was actually me and Dr. Pickman from NY representing America :) You can listed to the segment here, through podcast under WHYS: Sexual Harassment. It's a really interesting conversation that brings attention to harassment across the globe and gives voice to women who experience and combat harassment daily. The whole piece is worth checking out but if you're looking for me, i'm only on between 25:55 - 29:40 :)

I wish i had more time to talk. I would have said lots of things starting with the importance and necessity of having these conversations and bringing harassment to light. Too much of the time harassment goes unnoticed or ignored, leaving the target powerless and confused. Harassment is about power, not about sexual attraction. The host asked me if i would be offended if was a coworker of mine and whistled at me during work... um, i don't think it's ever appropriate to whistle at people, especially in a professional setting but him feeling he had the right to do so sets up a power dynamic where he is dominant. I've talked to women around the world who, no matter how they were dressed or what they looked like, have been harassed. Putting the responsibility onto the women to change her appearance will not stop harassment (as some of the callers on the show suggested). What it will do is set up an atmosphere of victim blaming. In my opinion, i don't think women should have to change their behavioral because of others' inability to treat them with respect.

Someone on the segment mentioned that when women dress a certain way, men's "hormonal impulses are triggered" and they can't help themselves. I think that's bogus. That doesn't give men any credit for the ability to control themselves. I know many hetero men that are respectful to women and would never blame their hormonal impulses for an inappropriate response.

The host also asked questions specifically about how women should respond to sexual harassment. One guest on the show mentioned she would "smack" the guy. I don't know if i'd go that far... the host loved her answer because it was so extreme and went around to the group to find out if others thought physical violence was the answer... There are certainly other ways of handling harassment. For example, a tourist in New Zealand was so frustrated by whistles and cat-calls that she was receiving from a group of men repairing on a road that she proceeded to strip out of all her clothes. The police did not approve of her response to the harassment and apprehended her saying that her actions were, "inappropriate in New Zealand" (but apparently it isn't inappropriate to whistle at and cat-call a perfect stranger...) I think asking about appropriate responses neglects context. An appropriate response for an American woman is completely different than one for a woman in Saudi Arabia where women have much fewer rights. Feeling safe is also a consideration. An appropriate response has a lot to do with how safe the target feels to report it or take action, and again, this varies through communities, countries, ethnicities, etc. What are your thoughts?

Check out the segment and pass along the online shop to anyone you think would be interested :)
That's what i've been up to, what have you been busy with these past few weeks?

Happy September everyone!! :)

Friday Feel Good: Biking to Work

Today was my first attempt at biking to work. On Fridays i work at a different clinic which happens to be about 8 miles from home. This gives me a great opportunity to kill a few birds with one cycling stone. I can get in my biking hours for my tri training, save on gas/money, and be environmentally friendly. Here are the things i learned today:


1. I need a bell
2. Although i'm sure bugs are protein-full, they aren't very tasty...
3. People are not careful drivers and don't like to share the road with bikes
4. My hybrid (that i bitched and bitched about not being fast enough) is perfect for biking to work, had i been on a road bike i would probably have been dead because New Haven roads are in terrible condition.
5. Bringing a change of clothes is key if I want to remain likable at work :)
6. If i thought getting cat-called while running was annoying i knew nothing until today... holy crap
7. It only takes me 10 more minutes to bike to/from work than drive!

I think that's all... if you're gonna bike this weekend, have fun and be careful! :)

Self Love

This post was partially inspired by Dirty Rotten Feminist's Sunday night question: "what are you vain about?" and thus i must give her credit ;)

Today's post is a positive one, leading up to a personal experience I wanted to share with all of you, however vain or insignificant it may seem. It's the experience of how I came to love my body.

I work out, regularly. Have done so for the majority of my life. I have recently begun training for a triathlon that I will complete in September. I belong to a gym with a pool for which I pay way too much money. I realize i'm privileged by this but it's the money I pay every month that helps motivate me to get my ass in gear and not miss workouts. I, unlike lots of people, love exercise. I love using my body and taking advantage of all the things it can do. I love feeling powerful and strong and challenging myself in physical ways. It isn't about looking a certain way anymore. I wasn't always this forward thinking. When I was younger, I would exercise despairingly, desperately trying to fit into some unattainable standard of beauty that was burned into my brain by fashion magazines and the popular girls. As an adult, my relationship with my body and the concept of "beauty" and "sexiness" has slowly developed, but we all struggle with our daemons and this has always been one for me, until recently that is...

Over the past year I have noticed a woman at my gym. She is gorgeous. She is fit. She is powerful (can lift more weight than half the men). I watch her perfect abs glisten with sweat and she stretches, or run, or bikes, whatever. She is perfect. Or at least as close to my perception of "perfect" as i'll ever see.

I've been watching her for months, mustering up the courage to talk to her, to tell her that she motivates me daily. Literally, I stay on the treadmill longer and lift heavier weights if she's around. Unknowingly, she pushes me and I thank her for it daily. Fast forward to yesterday: I walk into my regular Wednesday night spin class and she's there, on the instructor bike, gearing up to sub! The class was great and finally gave me an excuse to talk to her. I asked her some trivial question about her cycling shoes and we got to talking a bit. During the conversation she told me that i was in great shape and had done really well in her class. Me! Coming from her! I wanted to shake her and tell her that i've been watching her for the past year, that she inspires me, that i look up to her, that i think she's gorgeous, that i may have a crush on her, but i didn't tell her any of that. I simply smiled and thanked her. I remembered why i loved my body and that it was nice to be noticed for working hard and staying focused.

When did I start loving my body? I remember the moment vividly. It was Sunday morning and i got up early for yoga. I finally got into a routine of going weekly and hadn't let myself skip a class in 5 weeks. I was finally starting to see improvement in my poses. I was getting good, balanced, and i couldn't believe it. That Sunday i woke up extra early and decided to go for a quick run before class. I got to class just as the instructor was starting and the room was more full than usual. I wasn't able to secure my regular spot in the back of the room (where i could be unnoticed). I was forced to put my mat down in the front right side of the room, surrounded by mirrors. There was no hiding now, i had a mirror in front of me and one to the side. I felt like everyone was watching me downward dog. Ok, I'm sure they weren't. But i did get paranoid surrounded by all those mirrors. Until finally, something clicked. As I glimpsed in the mirror through the Adho Mukha Svanasana triangle created by my arms, torso, and legs I saw the perfect lines of my body as they contorted in the poses i've been working on for months.

I noticed the muscles on my back and shoulders tighten to hold the pose. I watched as they glistened with sweat. I became obsessed with watching myself glide into the poses. In that moment, I became completely vain! I was never one to spend much time in front of the mirror. This was all very new to me, and I loved it.

I especially loved what my body could do. The strength I had to hold myself up and the balance and flexibility to maintain the poses. That's when i realized it: i loved my body. I loved the strength and power my body had and the facility with which i could use it. I loved the lines created by my arms and shoulder muscles and the endurance and awareness i had from using my body regularly. I had done it, I had achieved one of my life goals, to love my body. I never thought this was possible, I was the girl eating nothing but clementines for weeks at a time during high school. I was the girl running 10 miles a day, on a treadmill, getting nowhere (literally and mentally). I was the girl studying body image and feminism in college, trying to convince myself to love my body. I was a hypocrite. And I hated myself for that. But finally, that morning in yoga, over a decade after my battle with my body began, something clicked and i fell in love with it.

I continued the class, sweaty from my run, obsessed with my body in the mirror, giving in to all the poses. Breathing. Relaxing. Challenging myself. It was wonderful. I gracefully moved through the warrior poses into locust, camel, cobra... I had control, I was focused, I felt strong. The class ended, but the feelings of euphoria and self-love that i felt that morning stayed with me, and hopefully will remain for a long, long time.

(no, that is not me in the photo, i just loved the image: the mountains, the water, the cowgirl hat... awesome shot)

Vaginas and Triathlons

Can you tell that coming up with blog titles is not one of my strengths?

Vaginas:
Over the weekend, Jenna and I went to see the Vagina Monologues. We thought they were pretty good minus the crowd participation (cunt monologue) and creepy old guy listening to us talk about sex (actual event rather than a monologue.) My favorites were The Moaner and My Angry Vagina. Jenna made a great observation about the Angry Vagina performance - she noticed that the woman performing was wearing a tie. Although it looked damn cool, we couldn't help but see the tie as a symbol of masculinity, thus power. This monologue was intended to be the most "in your face," bold, and forceful; so why did she need the symbol of masculinity to achieve that? Could she have gotten the same message and attitude across in a dress? Masculinity and symbols of masculinity represent power and control to this day. Suits, ties, sports cars, swords, anything remotely phallic are all examples. Even "successful" and "powerful" women are those things in masculine terms (think Hillary Clinton and her pant suits...) So... Although her vagina was angry and her monologue was powerful and bold, i wish her vagina could have been angry in a frilly pink dress with lace.

Triathlons:
Beans and I just got back from a 4-mile trail run, It was terrific :)
Now that the weather is warming up here in CT and i have two training partners (Jenna and Beans,) I don't have any more excuses for not completing a triathlon. I'm aiming for either July or Sept, depending on the tri we pick... My first race of the season is this weekend; Jenna and I are running the O'Niantic 5K in honor of St. Patty's Day :)

Sports, exercise, and staying active are incredibly important, especially for women and girls. Sports have been shown to help girls develop self-esteem and positive body image. I think it's crucial for girls to learn at a young age that their body is an entity of power and strength rather than sexuality and aesthetics. Yes, part of everyone's identity should absolutely be sexuality but girls and women are constantly hypersexualized in the media and when girls are bombarded with stereotypical images and nothing else, it's difficult to establish a balance. This is where staying active and participating in team sports comes in: teaches girls collaboration, competition, strength in their bodies, winning/losing, positive attitudes, etc. Smirking Cat posted about the benefits of sports for girls a while back, referencing the Women's Sports Foundation. Did you play sports as a kid? If so, how did they benefit you? How does staying active benefit you now, as an adult? ;)

Blog Awards; Paying it Forward

In the month of February I received three blog awards, for which I am very grateful. I was awarded the "Blogging with a Purpose" and "Excellent Blog Award" by The Smirking Cat and the "Nice Matters Award" by Lindsay from Country Girl City Living.

Thank you so much for these, ladies, and I will pay it forward by bestowing these awards to a scattering of blogs i read regularly.

The Blogging with a Purpose Award goes to:

A Feminist Response to Pop Culture: Written by a grad student in Chicago, this feminist blog challenges our notions of what's acceptable in pop culture and holds the media accountable for the messages they send. Another reason I love this blog is because she is always examining her own beliefs and asking herself as well as the readers important questions to consider.

Hello Confrontation: Jenna is one of the few "blog friends" that I know in real life. From the day I met her, Jenna has been teaching, inspiring, and challenging me. In the first conversation we had she explained about the sustainable food movement and I have been eating sustainably ever since :) Jenna's blog is a laid back mixture of environmental issues, food, crafts, and personal goals. Jenna is also my new triathlon training buddy and now that I've written that up here, I can't back out ;)

Lots of Thinking: I've only started reading Kandee's blog recently but absolutely love all the topics she brings to light. Kandee is a mom living in Canada who blogs about race issues. She explores racism in the context of our current social and political climate. Kandee also addresses pop culture and examines discrimination from a feminist perspective.

Good As You: This gay and lesbian activism blog uses humor rather than anger and protest to disarm and educate others about the discrimination surrounding us everyday. They put it best by saying, "Our tone is light, but our message is firm: We will not sit back and be led to a society that favors discrimination over diversity."

What I Think: GottabeMe writes lots of wonderful posts about reproductive rights, women's access to birth control, and her right to be happily, and voluntarily, child-free. She also absolutely hates Huckabee and loves Colbert + Stuart which are all pluses in my book ;)

Smirking Cat: This fun, sarcastic, and witty blog uses a "cast of characters" to write about her own life as well as social issues. Smirking Cat often discusses the struggles and the importance in the relationships that exist between parents and their kids. I have yet to read something on her blog that i don't agree with and enjoy learning more about a variety of topics ranging from divorce, to feminism, to cyber-stalking.

The Excellent Blog Award goes to:

Everyone Needs Therapy: This social work blog is written by a Jewish professional counselor who discusses what she's learned from experiences and interactions with clients. Her examples are made up (never disclosing actual client/counselor sessions) but ring true and are beautifully written. Her posts are a great resource on anything mental health related, especially relationships, depression, seeking therapy, addiction, and the media. Check out therapydoc for a "dose of self help" as she says, or just some great resources and links on her site.

Country Girl City Living: Lindsay is a graduate student, a wonderful wife, a terrific sister-in-law, a teacher, a mommy-to-be, a really really good cook, and an excellent writer. Her food comes alive in the words she uses to express tastes, colors, and textures on her delicious food blog. She teaches us how to cook seasonally and shop locally for the best flavors. Oh and the pictures she puts up of her food creations will make you drool! :)

Crucial Minutiae: This blog is written by a group of friends who attempt to make sense of the world by putting together the pieces of everything that takes place around us. They look at culture and society as a large puzzle and the experiences we have pieces to that puzzle, waiting to be placed in their appropriate homes. These experiences are translated into beautiful posts. I must admit, I read Crucial Minutiae because of Courtney Martin (one of the authors) who I have a tremendous (totally platonic and envious) crush on. Courtney writes about gender, race, politics, and the media and has published a book, Perfect Girls, Starving Daughters: The Frightening New Normalcy of Hating Your Body.

Enjoy checking out some of these blogs and feel free to leave ones that you especially like in the comments section!

New Year's Goals...

Not resolutions, not resolutions!
(resolutions have no chance of sticking, at least i have a shot with "goals")

I realize i'm a bit late on this one seeing as it's mid-January but i wanted to jot a few things down in writing to hold myself accountable ;)

Goals for 2008:

1. Be more patient. Towards my partner, towards our puppy, towards others, towards myself. This includes not jumping down people's throats when i disagree with them, having more patience with my clients (recovery is a disease of relapse and i have to understand that,) and being more patient with myself, allowing myself time to achieve my goals.


2. Master the Bakasana (Crow Pose) and start working on the Vrischika-asana (Scorpion Pose)


3. Relinquish control regarding grad school. It will happen. And when it does, it will be the right place and time for me. And i will do research that works for the community, marginalized groups, and activism. It will be awesome.
   


4. Complete a triathlon. I chickened out on the swimming last year. I gotta get my butt in a bathing suit, in a pool, and start kicking...


5. Reconnect with friends. Being an adult is not conducive to maintaining relationships... It was so much easier in college when friends were constantly around and relationships didn't take much work. This all changed post graduation, when everyone scattered about the U.S. Now it's time for me to step up and hold on to the people that mean the world to me. I need to let those close to me know how much i value their friendship and invest more time and energy in maintaining the amazing group of friends I've developed.


6. More activism! Again, college makes it easy to protest, campaign, and generally be an activist. This year i hope to surround myself with others that are as passionate about social change as i am and start doing, not just talking.


7. Let go. There are still a few grudges I need to let go of. My goal is to find the balance of forgiveness and let go - for me, not for those who hurt me.


8. Paint more, and with brighter colors.


9. Find more time for family. With the possibility of a 6 year ph.d. program around the corner, i need to take advantage of the next few months to spend with family, while I'm close to home.


10. [insert #10 here] :)

What are some of your 2008 goals, and have you been successful so far?