In Light of International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers

Sarah made me aware that today is International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers. As such i'd like to repost a comment that a woman made, in regards to how she's been feeling post her attack.

Last week a University of Michigan Law School student sought help from the police after being assaulted by an associate professor at the university, Yaron Eliav.

Not only were the police unsympathetic to her, stating that she herself engaged in criminal activities by selling sex services, but many members of the community have spoken out, against the law student, through Above the Law, a law school online network.

Like Feministe, i think her voice deserves to be heard. She needs a safe forum to speak up and tell her story. No one deserves to be assaulted. Sex workers are human beings with human rights who deserve to be safe, in all situations, whether or not they are engaging in sex work. This is why i am reposting her comment here. I wish her all the best and truly feel for her in this difficult time:

Dear Law School,

I’m the girl who got into the mess with the professor. I posted a version of this in the comments on ATL, because using my uniquename email on lawopen means outing myself, which gives the press permission to publish my name. Fortunately, one of my classmates has offered to transmit this message to you on my behalf. Those of you who don’t know who I am yet will find out soon enough.

Most of you probably don’t know what it’s like to push a boxcutter into your own wrist and neck. Or what it’s like to walk home from the psych ward, and set to the task of cleaning a room covered in your own blood. Or how humiliating and degrading it is to be penetrated against your will. You probably read the newspaper story, but you should know that it contained factual errors, and that it omitted significant details from the police report. I had no idea what I was walking into, and I’m lucky that I’ve made it through alive.

A month after I was assaulted, I attempted suicide over the whole mess. I’ve been unable to sleep or study, for fear of this story being published. I’ve had PTSD rape dreams. Everything I’ve worked for my entire life, personally, academically, professionally, has been harmed, and I’ve spent $20,000 trying to put it all right again. And I have, in fact, been prosecuted and will be required to pay a debt to society. All I can hope is that the bar will see that this was an aberrant moment in the life of a severely depressed, suicidal, isolated person.

Reading some of your comments makes me want to go crawl under a rock and never come out. But some of your comments have made me think that maybe I can show my face again. It’s difficult reading all of these things written about me without being able to offer an explanation/defense/vignette:

I worked my way through undergrad on my own, doing crazy hours on top of a full course-load. In fact, I’ve worked every kind of menial, low-paid job since I was 15; I’ve never thought I was above any kind of work, or better than anyone else I worked with, because we were all there together. But last semester I’d been so depressed that I could barely even get myself to class, let alone keep up with my finances. In April I realized I couldn’t pay the rent for May, and my parents weren’t an option. Nor was anyone else, because there weren’t really very many people in my life at that time. The housing crisis made it so that I couldn’t get an additional loan without a co-signer. I should have found some other way, but at the time none of my thoughts were very healthy.

I love the law just as much as you do, and I like to think about the ways that it shapes the world we live in. I watch a lot of movies, and go to the gym when I can. I have dear friends at other law schools who I try to keep in touch with. I’m a quiet, introverted, sensitive person; I think I’ve read every post on lawopen and ATL, and taken them all very personally. I used to be a proud atheist, but now I know that God saved my life the night I tried to take it. I also know that God kept the man in that hotel room from killing me, because he was completely out-of-control.

I went to the police the following morning because my vision was blurred from having been hit in the face. The bruises from his belt didn’t go away for a week. I later found out that this man had targeted other sex workers, making him a serial sexual sadist. Violent men target sex workers because they know sex workers are isolated, fearful, and ashamed, and won’t go to the police.

Going to the police seems like a stupid move, as many of you have pointed out. But I was afraid for the next woman he “contracted with.” And I felt so worthless and used that I didn’t care about throwing everything I’d ever worked for. I felt so terrible, and I thought that the police would make it right… that’s what the justice system is about, right?

It’s clear to me now that the AAPD thinks this is funny. That’s why they’re not going through with the assault charge.

What I did was wrong, and I’m a criminal for having done it. But if this had been any other misdemeanor like drug use/possession, DUI, public intoxication, open container, gambling, vandalism, petty theft, or simple assault, there wouldn’t have been a two-page article in the paper. And if you got rid of all of the lawyers who had done one of the above at some point, there’d be a severe shortage.

I also feel compelled to say that despite what many of you have expressed, I am not disease-ridden; my lifetime number is still under 20. I consider myself to be well-informed in the area of reproductive rights and health, and I think everyone has a responsibility to inform their partners of their sexual history, not just sex workers. I’m recently tested, and I don’t have AIDS, herpes, Hep B, syphilis, the clap, or chancroid. And I don’t judge those people who have contracted an STD at some point, because if you’re not a virgin, you take a calculated risk every time you have sex. If you have had sex with more than one person and you don’t have a viral STD, it’s because you’re lucky.

I’m not writing because I want pity. I’m writing because the future lawyers who read this need to understand that the answer is seldom ‘yes’ or ‘no,’ but often ‘it depends.’ Good people do bad things sometimes, for a variety of reasons. The reason we have ‘bright line’ rules is because there is so much gray out there. And it’s only through compassion and understanding that anyone is able to make sense of it all. My crime was a cry for help.

Finally, I wish to apologize for having brought negative attention to this prestigious law school. But I expect that every amazing thing you do will outshine my mistake- it really is an honor to be a member of such an accomplished community of people. I hope that you won’t shun me, or completely expel me from social/academic/service life at the University. Many seem to think about this as if it were some complicated hypothetical on a Torts exam. But, I’m still the same girl you knew before. And right now I’m struggling with the reality of public humiliation. I haven’t directly talked to any of you about this because I imagine some of you will want to distance yourselves from me, and I don’t wish to impose myself upon you; I don’t really know who I can still call a friend, but I’ll find out soon enough.

- That 2L Girl (’A’ & ‘384′ on ATL)

Limited Time Offer: Rape Kits on Sale!

Thanks to reader, Bobbi, for sending me this video with the following message:

"Made me angry, made me laugh...made me ready to vote on Tuesday"

Bobbi, i couldn't agree with you more! Video below shows the ridiculousness of Palin's legislation in Wasilla that required rape survivors to pay for their own rape kits, costing $1,200:

Female Soldiers, Raped & Silenced

My friend Mark sent me this article last week, outraged that it was "off CNN's front page within 6 hours." He wrote, "I guess we'll see how long the Pitt-Jolie baby picture articles stay in comparison."

Mark is right. Sexual assault and rape within the military is rampant, some even call it an epidemic. Adding to it is just how the assaults are covered by the media. In this article, the headline reads: Army Rape Accuser Speaks Out. Not rape victim (more favorable,) or rape survivor (most favorable,) but accuser. This type of language sets up a dynamic that forces readers to disbelieve her before even reading her story; it contributes to victim blaming and takes the focus and "fault" off the perpetrator and puts it on the survivor. Another news article's opening paragraph states, "Few problems have been more persistent or produced more bad news for the military than the issue of rape within its own ranks." Oh no! I feel so so badly for the poor military's image... Wait, no i don't. Who i do feel for are the countless female soldiers who have been sexually assaulted, raped, silenced, and even murdered. I also feel for those who have spoken out, only to be blamed, not taken seriously, and threatened to be arrested. And, it starts as early in female soldiers' careers as recruitment into the military!

While looking up information regarding rape survivors who spoke out, i found these incredibly disturbing stories: [Trigger Warning]

Sharon Mixon was a staff sergeant, and a highly decorated combat medic during Operation Desert Storm. She was in Saudi Arabia, and about to come home, when she says she was drugged and gang-raped.

"I woke up face down on a cot. I was being held down. And there were six men taking turns raping me," recalls Mixon. "They were U.S. soldiers, and they told me that if I told anybody that they would kill me. But I went and told the MPs anyway. And they told me the same thing."

"They kind of laughed and said, 'Well, what did you expect, being a female in combat? And we will always know where to find you. And if you open your mouth, you know what’s gonna happen,'” adds Mixon, who kept quiet for more than 10 years.

Mixon continued her military career until she said she began having flashbacks and was hospitalized for post-traumatic stress disorder. She has actively lobbied Congress on behalf of military rape victims.

Here's another, if you can bare it...

"They want to brush it under a rug. They want it to go away," says Marine Lt. Tara Burkhart, who comes from a military family. She was serving with distinction as a public affairs officer in Kuwait during Operation Iraqi Freedom, escorting reporters in and out of the combat zone. She and several enlisted men from her unit were invited to a party thrown by Kuwaiti nationals to thank them for all they had done.

"During the course of that evening, the sergeant who was under my command raped me," says Burkhart, who didn't initially report it. "I was afraid. I had seen what other people had gone through when they had tried to report sexual assault or rape."

She didn’t say anything, until allegations surfaced that she and her men had violated orders by drinking at the party, and that she had sex with a subordinate.

"I got my attorney. And he immediately contacted the command," says Burkhart. "'This is crazy, my client was raped.' And my command said, 'No, she’s lying. We don’t believe her. You shouldn’t either. And we’re gonna prosecute her. She’s gonna go to a court-martial.'”

Lt. Burkhart was charged with 19 counts, including sexual misconduct, providing alcohol to enlisted men, making false statements and disobeying orders – charges that could have sent her to prison for 26 years.

The soldier who Burkhart says raped her was later accused in another rape. "He was accused during my investigation," says Burkhart. "The other victim came out and claimed that he raped her in Kuwait, too."

The Department of Defense states that "one in three women who join the US military will be sexually assaulted or raped by men in the military." Rape is too often underreported... i can't image an even higher statistic, but it's probable.

Why is the rate of rape in the military so much higher than that in civilians? I think this requires a multi-faceted response examining fraternal militarism, lack of support for survivors, and the history of rape used as a weapon of war. The military is probably the oldest "boy's club" there is and it becomes incredibly easy to "other" women when your ingroup is structured on masculine notions of power, strength, and dominance. This brings me to rape. Rape is an act of power, strictly. Is rape these male soldiers' only form of "defense" when their power is threatened? Obviously i'm using much more snark than i should, especially when talking about such a serious topic. I do so though because i'm imagining the troll comments i will get in response to this post, specifically the, "if women were never allowed in the military, they wouldn't be raped," and, "if they wanna be treated like the men they should be able to handle it." If you are a troll and you were thinking of writing that, don't waste your time.

But because of these attitudes female soldiers have an incredibly difficult time deciding to report, and reporting, sexual crimes committed against them. Because the military is so tight-knit people rarely want to report anything for fear of being ostracized. Combine the fear of social penalties for group betrayal with fraternal militarism and it sets up a hostile situation for any woman raped by a fellow soldier.

Rep. Jane Harman (D-CA) wrote a piece a few months back for the LA Times where she stated, "We have an epidemic here. Women serving in the U.S. military today are more likely to be raped by a fellow soldier than killed by enemy fire in Iraq." Now that is scary.

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ETA: I cross-posted this on the feministing community blog, where I got several really thoughtful comments, check them out. One of the commentors, Jen, left this:

"There are people working to bring attention to this which will hopefully also bring results in changing this.

First off, being anti-war isn't enough or a requirement. As a veteran involved in anti-war work militant sexual assault (MST) is often viewed as something not as important as ending the war or even viewed as something totally unrelated...

You can support groups that are working to get the word out about military sexual assault and help the people who are affected by it.
Here are just three:

• SWAN
• VETWOW
• Stop Military Rape
  

...Being online so much we can also include information on discussion boards that gets real information out, not just sexist slander.
We can include the CNN report above as well as useful information like:

• Truth Dig
  
• Women's Media Center
  
• YouTube
  
• National Security Oversight
  

UConn's "Rape Trail" Earns its Name

Thanks to my UConn friends for sending me the heads up to this story. And i apologize for not being able to write about it sooner. In all honestly, i had to cool off and calm down before i tried to write about it or it would have been an angry, pissed off, jumble of a hot mess.

[Trigger Warning]
In summary, Melissa Bruen, Editor-in-Chief of the Daily Campus (the UConn student paper), was sexually assaulted Friday of UConn's annual Spring Weekend. While walking on the Hunting Lodge Road Trail (aka "the rape trail") she was picked up by her shoulders, pinned up against a pole and "dry humped" by a stranger. She, unlike many sexual assault victims, fought back. She pushed the guy off, grabbed him, and threw him onto the ground. She punched him in the face, full force. Melissa describes fighting back: "A small crowd had gathered, mostly men. Now they seemed shocked. I was supposed to have been a victim, and I was breaking out of the mold. I hit him in the stomach, while clenching my legs around him to prevent another man from pushing me off. In all, it took three men to pull me off my assailant. He got up and ran off, yelling at me, as if I were the would-be rapist."

What happened next is even more shocking. As Melissa yelled back to him, "YOU assaulted ME," another guy approached her and said, "You think that was assault?" He pulled down her tube top, grabbed her breasts, and the crowed cheered. Melissa tried to break free but was shoved into others. She writes, "I was surrounded, but I kept swinging and hitting until I was able to break free of the circle they had formed. I started running barefoot toward Celeron, but ended up throwing myself on the ground, crying and screaming hysterically. I saw a friend in the crowd, and all I could do was scream his name over and over. I could see the ambulance and police checkpoint in the distance."

Please read Melissa's full article for yourself.

I graduated from UConn. I worked as a peer counselor. I worked for the violence against women program as a sexual assault victim advocate. I also worked to dispel the "rape trail" myth while i was there by talking about the rarity of men jumping out of the bushes on the trail. I tried to help people understand that it was much more likely that the guy who just took you out on a date would rape you. At Uconn date rape is incredibly prevalent. At UConn (like many other college campuses) people don't realize the definitions of rape and/or consent. Reading Melissa's experience leaves me totally shocked, disgusted, and angered. This story is awful.

Spring weekend is notorious for sexual assaults but this one left me in tears. I can't believe the crowd's reaction! Or rather lack there of. If i saw a woman being sexually or physically assaulted i hope to G-d that i'd step in and do something. And if others were laughing, cheering on the assailant, i would probably want to punch them in the face. I am usually not a fan of violence but honestly, i want to punch these boys right in their face (or "in their wieners" in the words of Juno's dad...)

Also, I have an incredibly pessimistic view of UConn's judicial system and response to sexual assault and rape. I had an experience with them while supporting a friend who was a survivor of rape. Her case was incredibly clear cut. There was no denial that he had raped her. On numerous occasion. With a witness in the room... the guy got off, scott free. He wasn't punished one bit. I hope Melissa goes through any legal system other than the University's, for her own sake. Again and again when it comes to women's safety, I am disappointed at my alma mater.

Melissa was not only incredibly strong and brave during the attack but continues to feel the effects of what happened to her. She's bombarded with comments, insults, and threats that attempt to trivialize her assault and victim blame. "She made it all up for fame" one comment says, "she shouldn't have been wearing a tube top" argues another, and my all time favorite, "maybe she shouldn't have been drinking."

Melissa's assault in general (in front of a crowd), University and police response (keeping the case open thus giving her an opportunity to press charges down the line), and her ability to discuss what happened to her (being editor-in-chief of the newspaper and access/involvement in campus resources) leave me thinking about the women who don't have the same opportunities post assault as Melissa. As well as women who did/do not fight back. Melissa reported her assault. How many weren't reported? How many survivors didn't fight back? How many victims did/do not even realize they were sexually assaulted?

Although disappointed in the UConn community (the applauding crowd) for not coming to Melissa's aid, i am incredibly proud of Melissa herself for sharing her story and starting dialogue. Good for you, Melissa, for getting people talking about sexual assault, violence against women, and civil responsibility.

Melissa ends her article with, "I was raised to fight back, so I made sure to get a few good swings in. My bruises will fade, and I will move on. But if you ever see someone being assaulted, do the right thing."

Also, here are links to the more mainstream feminist blogs that covered this story: Feministing and Shakesville

(Kyle, thanks for the picture)