Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Dear Anonymous,

I moderate my comments. I do this so that discriminatory and rude nonsense doesn't get through. But sometimes i'll post the ignorant shit that people write because a lot of it is a perfect illustration of the discrimination that still exists today. People like to tell me i'm overreacting. They also say that on average, Americans are pretty "tolerant" and not discriminatory anymore. 1. Fuck "tolerance" we need equal rights, we also need to start celebrating difference; 2. Much of the discrimination now is a lot more subtle. However, here is an example of a less subtle attack.

Someone searched, "men gyped by feminism" and somehow found my blog. Specifically my post on fat-fingering. To which he commented:

Anonymous said...
Instead of complaining about it and crying over it and screaming "no fair".

JUST LOSE THE FUCKING WEIGHT. It's not healthy to be a FAT FUCK anyway.

May 14, 2008 1:45 PM (sic)

Then he wrote:

Anonymous said...
I'm actually not prejudiced against fat people. I dated a fat chick once. But she was on a diet and motivated to losing the weight.

All my comment proves is that I have a problem with WHINY LIBERALS ON A CRUSADE TO MAKE EVERYTHING AN "ISSUE".

The term "fat-finger" is not at all discriminatory against whiny fat fucks like yourself. If anything, it's making fun of people with LARGE DIGITS. IE- Big fingers.

You're fat. And you're a feminist. And you can't seem to have a happy, fulfilling relationship with a man. Your choice- your problem. Not our's. Get off your soap box. You're preaching about shit that makes no sense.

Seriously. Who cares if most men don't wanna date or have sex with a fat chick. Most women don't want to date a man who has no money and doesn't shave. *shrugs* I get off my ass and go to work every day and shave every morning. Maybe you should start your day with a low carb breakfast and some stomach crunches.

May 14, 2008 3:16 PM (sic)

Anonymous' comment is based on so many assumptions it makes my head spin.

I'll try to work them all out for you...

Assumption #1: Because he "dated a fat chick" he clearly cannot be a bigot. Right. Way to tokenize, asshole. Did you also "have a black friend back in college?" I thought so.

Assumption #2: I'm a "whiny liberal"... no comment

Assumption #3: I'm fat. Because I can't possibly care about discrimination against people on the basis of weight unless i'm fat. I also must be black since i hate racists and gay since i can't stand homophobia. Am I "fat", a WoC, gay? It doesn't matter. What matters is i shouldn't be treated differently if i was or wasn't any/all those things.

Assumption #4: I can't "seem to have a happy, fulfilling relationship with a man." Two assumptions wrapped in one, gee wiz. I'm obviously heterosexual and i'm obviously single. Of course since i'm "fat" (assumption #3) i can't possible be in a relationship. And i'm obviously straight because you're a heteronormative asshole.

Assumption #5: Being "fat" is a problem. Um... didn't you internalize any of what the original post said?

Assumption #6: "most men don't wanna date or have sex with a fat chick." Hm... any of my commenters wanna take this one on?

Assumption #7: "Most women don't want to date a man who has no money and doesn't shave." HUH?

Assumption #8: I don't exercise or eat right ("Maybe you should start your day with a low carb breakfast and some stomach crunches.") Physical appearance does not equate how "healthy" someone is. Nutrition and health are based on lifestyle, not on appearance.

That should about do it.

Dear Anonymous, my apologies for not being able to get to your comment sooner but D and I were out celebrating our 5 year anniversary.

UPDATE: I gave all this some more thought... i wanted to pick one main focus for readers to walk away with from all this this... there are actually two.

1. Discrimination based on a person's weight exists. Weightist attitudes exist and they've been referred to as the "last form of acceptable discrimination." Here are some examples. I don't usually participate in the "Oppression Olympics" but Yale did and found that "Weight/height discrimination is prevalent in American society and is relatively close to reported rates of racial discrimination, particularly among women. Both institutional forms of weight/height discrimination (for example, in employment settings) and interpersonal mistreatment due to weight/height (for example, being called names) were common, and in some cases were even more prevalent than discrimination due to gender and race."

2. The reason i don't post pictures or much personal information about myself on this blog is because it doesn't matter. It isn't the point. It doesn't matter how much i weigh or whether i'm gay or straight. It doesn't matter my ethnicity or race. What matters is that people's rights shouldn't be violated based on any of those things. This isn't about me. It's about equality. Which is why i don't entertain (or respond to) personal questions, attacks, or comments. I know i did a bit by adding that it was D and my 5 year anniversary but i only did so because of the irony :) So shoot me, i'm not infallible. Never said i was... The point is, people's rights shouldn't be taken away by anyone just because they don't fit into some skewed notion of "normalcy" that an individual might have.


Anonymous said...

WTF indeed.

Some days, I wish I could just scream "WHAT ON EARTH IS WRONG WITH YOU?" at these people. Not that it would make much of a difference. But it would feel good.

phd in yogurtry said...

check out my blog post for today. i must have read your mind.

a second weirdness, sorta. I did happen to see this anon post today, b/c this post of yours was one of the earliest ones I replied to and checked the box to be notified of other replies (I have since learned the wisdom of NOT doing so). so yes, I read this one firsthand. but again, AFTER I posted.

Amelia said...

Sometimes I wonder if I should moderate the comments on my blog...

Sorry about this, even though it seems like something I would almost...expect. Gross. That makes me sick.

FeministGal said...

Ok... so i gotta give you all the summary of what happened. Our fun Anon. friend decided to post lots of my personal info on his blog. I have always wanted to maintain a level of anonymity in my blog because like i've said before, none of this is about me, it's about equality. Anyway, because of this i had to take some of his comments down because i didn't want to link to his blog anywhere in here. Here are his comments though, unlinked:

[Anon] has left a new comment on your post "Dear Anonymous,":

Right. The typical rebuttal. "Oh no, gasp, you're making assumptions!"


#1) Tokenize: " a characteristic indication or mark of something; evidence or proof" Right. Don't "tokenize", ie, "Don't offer proof contrary to what I think, Anonymouse!" perfect thinking there.

#2) Yes you are.

#3) Probably. I don't know very many thin people who fight for the rights of the obese. If you are a thin person fighting for the rights of the obese, then I must say: You have way too much time on your hands.

#4) You probably can't have a happy, fulfilling relationship with a man. *shrugs* You're probably single too. You can say whatever you want about yourself; it could be a lie, it could be truth. But you won't convince me that it's not a lie. Sorry hon. Keep on keepin' on about it though.

#5) Yeah being fat is a problem. For the fat person and those around them. Especially when an elevator is completely full, and some fat fuck insists on squeezing all of their jiggly rolls in there, suffocating everyone. I'm not fighting for the right to be fat.

#6) It's true. Men don't wanna date fat chicks.

#7) So you're saying you'll date a man who's unemployed and has no money and lives off welfare? Or that such men are in "high demand" by women?

#8) Physical appearance does in fact equate health to a large extent. Fat people are more likely to heave heart disease. They are more likely to experience certain forms of cancer. They are more likely to have low-stamina. (How many fat people do you know who can run a mile in 7 minutes? Dumdedumdedum.) Fat people are more likely to suffer from diabetes. Fat people are more likely to have blood pressure problems. Fat people are more likely to have cavities. Fat people are more likely to have joint problems.

"Nutrition and health are based on lifestyle." Right. Well someone who eats a healthy diet and exercises (a lifestyle choice) is not likely to be fat. And someone who sits on their ass, eats a lot of unhealthy food/carbs, cake, etc, is likely to be fat.

Being fat is unhealthy. By saying otherwise you are disputing every single doctor on Earth. Are you sure you wanna do that?

Anyway, in the end, instead of promoting healthy lifestyle choices, you're promoting the right of people to be fat, lazy, and not care about themselves. You're basically fighting for people who don't even give enough of a fuck about themselves to ensure that they'll be around after the age of 40-50. Good job. You're really making this country a better place.

Also, you've deleted the comments now, but I really didn't appreciate how you threatened to punch me IRL. I found that to be very immature. It's nice how you leave up my offensive comments, but delete your own offensive comments. Put on a show, make things look good, and all that.


BTW I'm just a troll. I enjoyed getting a rise out of you. :)

D has left a new comment on your post "Dear Anonymous,": it goes again. Dear [Anon], we need to talk. You're obviously in lots of pain. My first instinct, like all the other readers out there, was to write something equally odious to what you wrote. Maybe something about how much of a colossal assface you are...but thats not you need to hear. In fact, you would love to have people call you fun names because then that would only add fuel to your cycle of self-loathing/backlash/repeat.

In my experience, someone doesn't magically wake up one day with this kind of violent speech. Rather, a person who talks like this probably had a pretty significant moment or series of moments that caused this kind of behavior. I read your blog. You apparently lost a bunch of weight, which is good for you. I'm also guessing that you've gotten tons of shit in your life, and internalized all that shit to create this alter-ego of angst. Let me point out that this blog, like lots of other "liberal blogs", did not hijack the idea of defending -isms. They take it up as a kind of sheriff service because everyone, regardless of the details, has rights to live in the manner in which they choose. Even you have rights. Scary. The place where we start defending others is when we perceive a threat to those rights. And, as a quick aside, if you call yourself coyote skinhead and proclaim to fight fascism, then maybe you ought to read some more history. Rage usually comes from pain, kind of like a wounded animal slouching in the corner. If you want, I could recommend some professional people you could talk with, or I'll just come and see you and we can start the healing. In any event, I hope you read this and start to think a little about the connections between what you say and what you've experienced in your life. The world doesn't fall into happy little dualistic modes of thought like you espouse.

We live in an infinitely complicated world, and the sooner you accept that, the sooner you can start internalizing different world views. Or, you can choose to live in your little hate-filled hole and proclaim to have all the answers, all the while secretly hating yourself for the crap that comes out of your mouth. Either way, I'll defend your rights too, as long as you don't come out again and try to act godly and pronounce judgment on all the other mortals.

[Anon] has left a new comment on your post "Dear Anonymous,":

"Dear Anonymous, my apologies for not being able to get to your comment sooner but D and I were out celebrating our 5 year anniversary."

You know what's always an interesting coincidence.

Accuse someone of being single and lonely, and within 5 minutes they're "signing off to go out with their boyfriend/girlfriend."

What a coincidence. I happened to accuse you of being a single, romantically challenged fat fuck on your 5 year anniversary.

Yeah, I buy that.

lol Nice try.


Last thing i said to him was was:

FeministGal said...
Again, i just want to reiterate: this isn't about ME or any one i may or may not have "created".

[Anon], stop trying to take the focus off the ridiculously discriminatory shit you said. All you prove is that you're a bigot, you make snap judgements about people, you think people should fit into some weird notion of beauty and normalcy that you adhere to, and you think everything is a conspiracy. Done. Don't let the door hit you on the way out :)

May 15, 2008 12:46 PM

Kandee said...

Gotta love the internet! Sometimes, all the pent up issues from people's unresolved childhood trauma just spills out into one big mess.

There will always be people who think abusive behaviour is okay because they feel they're right and that justifies it. He seems to believe that you (and possibly other women) should seek his (and other men's) approval - as to why he thinks that you should somehow convince him of your innocence and such. It's crazy. But it's also classical narcissism - which is to be ignored.

Not everyone is secure. Anonymous just shows us that.

Elaine Vigneault said...

I hate those anon comments. Argh, they drive me crazy.
Anyway, good job dissecting it.

Jay P. said...


So after reading your post, before reading the comments, I was simply going to offer that physical appearance can actually correlate to how "healthy" one is when obesity is being considered (as it does actually lead to higher risk of stroke, heart disease, diabetes mellitus, decreased risk of breast cancer survival, etc.).

But then I read the comments and couldn't believe the further audacity of that guy (well assuming it's a male)! I would bet he has an Axis II diagnosis! Some CBT and group therapy may be appropriate. :)

Nice job rebutting the crap he was spewing though. His personal attacks on you are quite humerous though to someone that actually knows you!

Smirking Cat said...

Anonymous really likes ALL CAPS. Must make him feel like HE HAS A POINT.

Anonymous said...

Hahaha! I love you.

It worries me how much hatred is swimming around in people's heads out there.

Anonymous said...

hahha that guy was such a dork!